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While you may not have meant anything, it's not a good idea to privately message someone's spouse. The conventional wisdom is that anything you say to him you should be able to say in front of his wife (or on his FB feed so it's visible to her too), so why the need to "go private."
I agree with those who say your friend has serious insecurities that she is allowing to rule her life. At least now you know what triggered her over-the-top response, though.
Thank you. That was my mistake even though all I said was hello. I have learned my lesson. I tried posting it to his wall and it did not work, so I sent the video and said "Hi, I thought you might think this is funny". I do have a classmate that I speak to about school pretty regularly and he is married. But, we really only talk about work and school. Now I think I need to be careful in messaging anyone that is married because although I am not doing anything, it may be taken in another way. I will try to be much more aware of that in the future.
That was my mistake even though all I said was hello. I have learned my lesson. I tried posting it to his wall and it did not work, so I sent the video and said "Hi, I thought you might think this is funny".
Now you know. It can be innocent, but some people have pretty strict rules about social media behavior. When those people are as insecure as your friend, you get the situation you're now facing.
Now you know. It can be innocent, but some people have pretty strict rules about social media behavior. When those people are as insecure as your friend, you get the situation you're now facing.
After 10 years I did not know my friend was as insecure as she was. I have spent time with the both of them several times. Her and her husband regularly eat at "Hooters" and other places where women are wearing little outfits serving food. But, that one thing I did threatened their relationship. And her husband used to post things on my Facebook all the time and I thought little of it. But, again thank you. I will be more careful when it comes to messaging or texting anyone that is married. I just thought after 10 years, saying hello to someone's husband just once would have not sent them in a tailspin like this.
Lesson learned. Do not message or text anyone's husband even if completely innocent or if you've known them both for years. I am glad I never had his phone number and called him to ask if she was ok at any point.
After 10 years I did not know my friend was as insecure as she was. I have spent time with the both of them several times. Her and her husband regularly eat at "Hooters" and other places where women are wearing little outfits serving food. But, that one thing I did threatened their relationship. And her husband used to post things on my Facebook all the time and I thought little of it. But, again thank you. I will be more careful when it comes to messaging or texting anyone that is married. I just thought after 10 years, saying hello to someone's husband just once would have not sent them in a tailspin like this.
I would think the Hooters waitresses aren't seen as a real threat because they aren't (usually) having personal contact with the husband.
Your phase of self-improvement coupled with your direct contact with her husband apparently was too much for her overly fragile ego. Unfortunately some people only view their self-worth in comparison to the behavior of others. An emotionally healthy person would understand that your beauty and success don't diminish hers. She cannot see that.
They cannot ever be real friends because their own delicate egos won't let them be happy for you.
Since November so much has been going on in my life. But, something today reminded me about that conversation and I suppose I came her to listen to what others had to say about it. I don't think I will ever understand, but I will accept it and continue forward. Thanks for your response.
I think I'd be just as hurt as you are. I don't understand how people who claim to be good friends, don't TELL their friends when they've been hurt. Most times, good friends never INTEND to hurt, and will appreciate the chance to fix things. Like I'm sure you would've tried to do, OP, given the opportunity.
Maybe her illness, and chemo have actually altered her brain chemistry? Maybe pain clouds her judgement.
I'm sorry your friend wrote you off. But I'm glad you have good stuff happening in its place.
I would think the Hooters waitresses aren't seen as a real threat because they aren't (usually) having personal contact with the husband.
Your phase of self-improvement coupled with your direct contact with her husband apparently was too much for her overly fragile ego. Unfortunately some people only view their self-worth in comparison to the behavior of others. An emotionally healthy person would understand that your beauty and success don't diminish hers. She cannot see that.
They cannot ever be real friends because their own delicate egos won't let them be happy for you.
It is unfortunate. But, my eyes have been opened and I will be more careful going forward.
That was what I thought. For four years that was not a problem at all, then one day out of the blue she felt I was attempting to pursue him because of two photos I posted. It was absurd. My mistake was I sent him a message on Facebook messenger saying hello with a funny video. But there was nothing else to it. I considered them both my friends. I did one time said in agreement with her husband had a pleasant smile.
I was criticized by other people saying I had no business ever sending him a message and that it looked like I was after him. It looked sneaky they said. I did not feel I did anything at all.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure all of this is mainly about your friend being possessive of her husband and suspicious of you. I'm not saying that you were after him, but I can certainly understand her not wanting to take that risk. I'm single and I wouldn't bother trying to be close friends with married women.
I think I'd be just as hurt as you are. I don't understand how people who claim to be good friends, don't TELL their friends when they've been hurt. Most times, good friends never INTEND to hurt, and will appreciate the chance to fix things. Like I'm sure you would've tried to do, OP, given the opportunity.
Maybe her illness, and chemo have actually altered her brain chemistry? Maybe pain clouds her judgement.
I'm sorry your friend wrote you off. But I'm glad you have good stuff happening in its place.
I would have done anything necessary to make her feel comfortable. I had no idea that those photos made her feel that way. I went out to the opera and dressed up. Another was a costume that was made 10 years ago and showed midriff and a little leg. It covered more than many bikinis. When I realized how hurt she was about the photos it was too late.
I would have never shared anything about my dating life or changing jobs if I known that everything I said was viewed as "drama". I would have appreciated knowing these things a while ago. I would have modified whatever I was doing.
The message saying hello to her husband I absolutely regret and have learned a lesson. It does make me paranoid because I have a classmate that I speak to regularly that is married. We only talk about school and work. But, now I think I should stop speaking to him for fear someone will think I am after him (I have no interest in him).
Yeah, I'm pretty sure all of this is mainly about your friend being possessive of her husband and suspicious of you. I'm not saying that you were after him, but I can certainly understand her not wanting to take that risk. I'm single and I wouldn't bother trying to be close friends with married women.
I understand. But, I knew her before she got married. I will keep in mind that the fact I was single may have made her uncomfortable thinking I was looking at all men (even hers) as options.
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