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This is such a sad story and from what you have described, it doesn't sound like you did anything that warranted her ending your friendship.
To me, it sounds like your friend is just super unhappy with her life, her appearance, etc., and your beauty and success is a constant reminder of how unhappy she is. So if she drives you away, her unhappiness and insecurity will be lessened because she won't have to constantly compare herself to you.
Of course, she is making a huge mistake because you sound like a wonderful and caring friend. I would just send her a card with a short note saying that you are sorry she no longer wants to remain friends but that the door is always open to her if she reconsiders. And then let her go. Hopefully in time she will come to understand the deeper issues that are driving her to throw away your friendship and she will address them and return to you.
This is such a perceptive post by you, Sassygirl. You're right that sometimes people feel uneasy about communicating with someone when they are feeling unhappy with their life or appearance, what they have not achieved, how poorly their current life is going, how boring they think their current life is, or when they are having troubles or problems with a spouse, marriage, or boyfriend or at work. They may feel so uneasy or upset with the listed things above that they avoid communicating with a friend.
I came here because I honestly felt haunted by this. I was asking myself what I did or said to get the boot in this manner. But, everyone that has responded is able to see what I was unable to originally: it was not about me. Like I said, some of what she brought up were assumptions or even miscommunication. We could have talked it over and ended in a hug. I think I will forgo on sending her a note since she feels this way about me. I won't change her mind. She is convinced I am a shallow, greedy person. Never once did she express these were her feelings. Not once in a decade. It is a hard pill to swallow but I will be very careful what I share with people going forward and be very aware in the manner I communicate with others. I cannot help that I go to the gym and care about my appearance, so that will not change. I will also be extremely careful in saying anything to anyone's spouse. But, I like wearing clothes that fit well and flatter my frame. I am not going to wear clothing I don't feel good in.
None of what you did should have triggered this very harsh response from this woman. She seems to be projecting a lot of her own issues, resentments and jealousies onto you. You don't deserve any of this.
Do not feel compelled to respond to her, to change your Facebook, delete your pictures, or do anything in response to her blaming you for her own problems and troubles.
I am sorry you encountered this very painful situation with someone you considered a friend for so long. However, I suspect if you reexamine your ten-year "friendship", you are highly likely to see indications of the truth, perhaps subtle ones which were easy to miss or discount at the time.
I hope you can continue to move on and live your life successfully and productively, without too much regret and sadness over your acquaintance's attitude and issues. She is a sick woman, and it's fine to feel compassion for her - from a distance.
Boundaries are your friend in this distressing situation.
I would send her a tart little note - a real note, not an email - saying in very polite terms that she's not only a self-centered ingrate, but a coward to block you while not discussing the issues with you beforehand.
That email was something else. She has REALLY had it with you, and people rarely get to that point of frustration for NO reason at all.
At first I was definitely in the camp of, "Your ex-friend is insecure, and she's taking it out on you."
She still sounds insecure, but OP it does sound like you have a serious lack of self-awareness.
I do think you still have a LOT of work to do to understand how your actions affect those around you. It's not about whether your clothes are baggy or tight. It's about general attitude and awareness of how your actions come off.
Your posts are written with this wide-eyed incredulity that anyone could possibly have a problem with you, which, I'm sorry, is just not believable.
I think you should (obviously) not interact with Amy any more and examine self-awareness. It will give you more control over your actions and decisions, too.
That email was something else. She has REALLY had it with you, and people rarely get to that point of frustration for NO reason at all.
At first I was definitely in the camp of, "Your ex-friend is insecure, and she's taking it out on you."
She still sounds insecure, but OP it does sound like you have a serious lack of self-awareness.
I do think you still have a LOT of work to do to understand how your actions affect those around you. It's not about whether your clothes are baggy or tight. It's about general attitude and awareness of how your actions come off.
Your posts are written with this wide-eyed incredulity that anyone could possibly have a problem with you, which, I'm sorry, is just not believable.
I think you should (obviously) not interact with Amy any more and examine self-awareness. It will give you more control over your actions and decisions, too.
That email was something else. She has REALLY had it with you, and people rarely get to that point of frustration for NO reason at all.
At first I was definitely in the camp of, "Your ex-friend is insecure, and she's taking it out on you."
She still sounds insecure, but OP it does sound like you have a serious lack of self-awareness.
I do think you still have a LOT of work to do to understand how your actions affect those around you. It's not about whether your clothes are baggy or tight. It's about general attitude and awareness of how your actions come off.
Your posts are written with this wide-eyed incredulity that anyone could possibly have a problem with you, which, I'm sorry, is just not believable.
I think you should (obviously) not interact with Amy any more and examine self-awareness. It will give you more control over your actions and decisions, too.
I do understand that. In 10 years she had reached a point in which she could not stand me. I did not realize that perhaps I was oversharing information about bad dates with her. My Facebook posts were of me going to the opera and two photos of me in a costume. She saw those as inappropriate. But, as a friend I did not at all know the information I shared was taking a toll on her. I honestly was completely unaware without a doubt. I shared with her I was changing jobs and that was about the last time I heard from her. I am accepting my mistakes I have made in oversharing and posting photos of myself in nice outfits but I was not pursuing her husband nor was I bragging. I also am not racist and never said I hated anyone. My Facebook posts were taken completely out of context. So, going forward I need to be VERY AWARE of my Facebook activity, not post photos of myself in nice outfits or costumes and be very careful of what I share with others. But, I was always checking in on her, sending flowers and coordinating pickups for her. This information she expressed in her email was never communicated to me at all in 10 years. So my mistake I made was thinking I could share anything with her without judgement. She has shared much with me in 10 years and knew I was a safe listening ear. I have learned a valuae lesson. I never flaunted anything. She made the decision to be done with me one day.
I am accepting that going forward I need to be very careful of what I say and wear. Plus, I have altered what I share on my Facebook. I am now very aware of this given my experience.
I came here because I honestly felt haunted by this. I was asking myself what I did or said to get the boot in this manner. But, everyone that has responded is able to see what I was unable to originally: it was not about me. Like I said, some of what she brought up were assumptions or even miscommunication. We could have talked it over and ended in a hug. I think I will forgo on sending her a note since she feels this way about me. I won't change her mind. She is convinced I am a shallow, greedy person. Never once did she express these were her feelings. Not once in a decade. It is a hard pill to swallow but I will be very careful what I share with people going forward and be very aware in the manner I communicate with others. I cannot help that I go to the gym and care about my appearance, so that will not change. I will also be extremely careful in saying anything to anyone's spouse. But, I like wearing clothes that fit well and flatter my frame. I am not going to wear clothing I don't feel good in.
Most people have, at one time or another in their lifetimes, experienced an ad hominem attack. That's what happened to you. You couldn't see it coming because your ex-friend was hiding it and, at the same time, she was building up a boatload of anger and resentment.
Such a person has virtual landmines around them and you don't know it until they get triggered. It could be something so small and inconsequential and then they detonate. Often months and maybe even years of resentment come spewing forth like a volcano that's exploding with burning lava. You cannot do anything to make it better. At this point the person is loaded for bear and they either want a fight or they want to end things right then and there. No matter what you say or do they've already decided they're the victim in the situation and they've been terribly wronged. You are the proxy for all that is wrong, all the pain they've been feeling.
If you've done something wrong and hurt someone then acknowledge them, apologize for what you did, learn from your mistake(s), and then don't repeat those mistakes. Outside of that you have no reason to change to try and please someone else or walk on egg shells because of their issues.
Here's a book that someone suggested to me and it's very helpful: "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz
I do understand that. In 10 years she had reached a point in which she could not stand me. I did not realize that perhaps I was oversharing information about bad dates with her. My Facebook posts were of me going to the opera and two photos of me in a costume. She saw those as inappropriate. But, as a friend I did not at all know the information I shared was taking a toll on her. I honestly was completely unaware without a doubt. I shared with her I was changing jobs and that was about the last time I heard from her. I am accepting my mistakes I have made in oversharing and posting photos of myself in nice outfits but I was not pursuing her husband nor was I bragging. I also am not racist and never said I hated anyone. My Facebook posts were taken completely out of context. So, going forward I need to be VERY AWARE of my Facebook activity, not post photos of myself in nice outfits or costumes and be very careful of what I share with others. But, I was always checking in on her, sending flowers and coordinating pickups for her.
Like I said before, it's not about the clothes you're wearing in a photo or whatever.
It's about your general behavior overall, in the context of what your friends are going through.
You can and should be able to post freely on social media. Well, freely with some common-sense assessment about appropriateness. I ( and I don't think anyone else here) is saying you should stop posting photos of yourself.
You keep referencing three pictures, but it's hard to believe that you've only posted three photos in ten years. And Amy's email referred to a LOT more types of posts that were annoying.
Here is just one article that gives ideas on how to share stuff about your life without coming across as bragging.
I do think, based on the email Amy wrote, that you need to evaluate how you're sharing. It doesn't mean you need to stop completely. "Self-aware" is not the same as "self-conscious."
But self-awareness is important because it helps you be more empathetic with people, which is more than just checking on them and offering to bring them stuff.
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