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Ah, but there's no one-to-one correspondence between men and women, as far as attraction is concerned. So when they meet, they won't necessarily be attracted to each other, making the relationship a non-starter. To complicate the matters, women are more selective when it comes to romantic partners, so "going where women go" isn't always a helpful strategy.
I do agree with going to dance venues---traditional dance, not clubs. It's a great way to get comfortable interacting with women, by simple repetition.
The advantage of meeting through mutual interests is that you get the chance to evaluate people as they interact with others. If some woman is a sociopath, you get a chance to realize it before you ever make the mistake of asking her out. The OP was very correct that by the time you are in your late 20s, most people who are capable of a long term relationship are in one. There is going to be something seriously wrong with the majority of women he meets. The problem is separating the gold from the gravel. You don't do that by "meeting" someone. It takes time. If he doesn't "go where the women go" and avoids contact with the opposite sex, he should evaluate whether he really wants a relationship. In any group of a dozen women, eleven of them will be a waste of time. The only way to sort them out is by getting to know them.
The OP was very correct that by the time you are in your late 20s, most people who are capable of a long term relationship are in one. There is going to be something seriously wrong with the majority of women he meets.
I consider your statement above to be very old-fashioned, antiquated, completely out-of-date, backward, and inexplicable in thought and reality.
It is outrageous to believe that, and lacking in knowledge.
Last edited by matisse12; 05-22-2018 at 04:25 PM..
I consider your statement above to be very old-fashioned, antiquated, completely out-of-date, backward, and inexplicable in thought and reality.
It is outrageous to believe that, and lacking in knowledge.
You may not like it, but it's the truth. If I were talking to a woman, I would be giving her very similar advice.
The majority of people who have arrived at their late 20s or early 30s without establishing a lasting relationship are defective. They range from self-centered and untrustworthy through selfish, exploitative, manipulative, abusive and dishonest. Any inexperienced guy looking for a romantic partner needs to keep his wits about him and not be overwhelmed by a pretty face. That's why getting to know someone before you date them is so important.
OP didn't say "dating" or meeting people of opposite sex. I think OP just said meeting friends. Please keep to the topic. People can just want some platonic friends, capish?
You may not like it, but it's the truth. If I were talking to a woman, I would be giving her very similar advice. The majority of people who have arrived at their late 20s or early 30s without establishing a lasting relationship are defective. They range from self-centered and untrustworthy through selfish, exploitative, manipulative, abusive and dishonest. Any inexperienced guy looking for a romantic partner needs to keep his wits about him and not be overwhelmed by a pretty face. That's why getting to know someone before you date them is so important.
What a crock! Many people have devoted their 20's or early 30's to their education and developing their careers (doctors and lawyers, for instance who spent many hours studying and interning, and working long resident hours) and didn't have time for dating, or their partners were not able to deal with the long hours needed to accomplish their goals. Others simply needed more time to mature and sow their oats, and preferred not to be paired and cheat on their SO's.
Still others avoided being tied to a location because their chosen profession required extensive travel (military, airline pilots and flight attendants, sales professionals, performers who tour, etc). Few partners enjoy being left alone a majority of the time, so relationships for these people tend to be transitory, and temptations many. For them, it's wise to stay single. Their are numerous reasons a person may not have settled down by their early 30's without being "defective". If I'd listened to your reasoning I wouldn't have dated the man who became my husband. He was single, in his 40's (gasp!), and enjoyed an unfettered bachelor life, professing to never have had the desire for marriage. I was a late 30's divorcee, and not looking for remarriage, so we clicked. 21 years later we've been happily married for many years.
I for one, would not recommend meetup as I joined a couple in the past and they flake out or don't show up. Or send texts saying they are running "an hour late". I also found the meetup group that I joined was riddled with cliques. Impossible to get to know anyone. They already had their clique. If you haven't turned 30 yet, I'd recommend finding a study abroad program through a university and spend a semester in another country. It's a great opportunity, you'll meet lots of people and gain a valuable, life-changing experience. (If you are already over 35 it may be difficult to get a student visa to travel.)
You may not like it, but it's the truth. If I were talking to a woman, I would be giving her very similar advice.
The majority of people who have arrived at their late 20s or early 30s without establishing a lasting relationship are defective. They range from self-centered and untrustworthy through selfish, exploitative, manipulative, abusive and dishonest. Any inexperienced guy looking for a romantic partner needs to keep his wits about him and not be overwhelmed by a pretty face. That's why getting to know someone before you date them is so important.
Really? I never married until my late 30s. Before that, I didn't have a lasting romantic partnership, at least not anything that lasted more than two years. I don't consider myself defective.
The advantage of meeting through mutual interests is that you get the chance to evaluate people as they interact with others. If some woman is a sociopath, you get a chance to realize it before you ever make the mistake of asking her out. The OP was very correct that by the time you are in your late 20s, most people who are capable of a long term relationship are in one. There is going to be something seriously wrong with the majority of women he meets. The problem is separating the gold from the gravel. You don't do that by "meeting" someone. It takes time. If he doesn't "go where the women go" and avoids contact with the opposite sex, he should evaluate whether he really wants a relationship. In any group of a dozen women, eleven of them will be a waste of time. The only way to sort them out is by getting to know them.
Not only was the topic of the thread NOT about dating, but unless he has recently changed his mind (and I mean, done a complete 180 on everything he's been saying for years now) MillennialUrbanist does NOT in fact want a relationship with a woman, he has been dodging such Imperial Entanglements for quite some time. And he's got a decent social life and enjoys his friendships, again, unless things have completely changed in ways I'm not aware of.
I have found really fulfilling ways to have a social life since 25, in two really big communities that are anchored by a common interest. One was a band, the other a lifestyle thing. As I've said, the internet made it pretty easy, once I realized what my real interests really were. And the best and most fulfilling of it has happened since 25, because as an actual adult, I know myself better than I did when I was younger, and I have progressed from just surviving and having it tough as a young person with young kids, to someone with more disposable income and time to devote to social stuff.
I can sort of understand where OP is coming from. From young age my mom filled my ear with stories of friends stabbing each other in the back and never to get too close to people or you will get screwed. So I never had BFF, kept safe distance but sometime in HS I realize how strong friendship other people had while I barely knew anyone. So I made effort to be outgoing, to strike up conversation with anyone & eventually by end of HS I knew lot of people and had many "friends" but no BFF.
In college I was so focused on my study to make friends. There were days when I didn't utter a single word in entire day because I went from class to study to class to home. Being the first person to attend college from my family I was worried I wouldn't pass. I did lot of group study & knew lot of people but never became friends. In 4 years of college, I made one friend that I am still in touch with. In my 10 years of work, I have 1 friend that I still see after we parted ways. But everyone else are work friends who I will most likely never see or hear from (except for facebook) if we moved on. I have hard time making friends or even keeping friends but around OPs age is when I realize friendship is like marriage, it takes work. I have to put effort in to keep it alive.
So I started visiting friends I already had, even the once whose life is very different from mine. Two peoples life are not always going to be similar & friendship should withstand the differences. Make effort to reconnect & you will be surprised. The work friend I have has quit job to be stay home mom to 2 under 2. I made a conscious effort to see her because friend shouldn't abandon because life happens. Well the visit wasn't very comfortable, her toddler kept wanting to breastfeed & I couldn't have straight conversation with her without her kids distracting her. I did not enjoy the meet up but I know this phase will pass & I should not abandon our friendship now. So I will make an effort to meet up with her at least once a year.
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