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But I don't care if you're a 20-something or 80-something. For those of you whose parents have passed on - whether it was one year, ten years or fifty years ago - do you still miss them and wish that they were still here?
Backstory: my mom died in 1971 when I was 8; my dad in 2009. My siblings and I are grandparent age now, but I find myself thinking more often about our parents. No, I don't mourn; rather I miss them.
I do have mixed feelings, however. While I miss them, I'm in a way glad they aren't here, given so much going on in the world!
Yes. My dad died 10 years ago, and I miss him still. But, I'm glad he passed when he did, at 85, before his cancer caused him great pain. He was the glue that kept us all close, and his legacy is that we still are.
My mother is 92, and failing. She has 24/7 help, and enough money to pay for 3 more years. But, her quality of life is far less than it was just a couple of years ago, and I hope she dies as peacefully as my father did.
It really depends on the kind of relationship you had.
My dad was an aloof, moody man who really wasn't cut out for raising children, especially four. He had a short temper, wasn't all that interested in what his kids were doing, and instead spent his days grousing about the office or watching golf tournaments on television. I had zero ideas that there were actual dads who did things with their kids until I joined a little league baseball team. To my sister, my two brothers, and myself, he was this brooding presence who only noticed the messes we made, the money we cost, and any bad grades we got on the report card. The rest of the time? We were on our own. I remember one time when we were throwing a football out in the yard and my dad came out to throw the ball with us. I remember how shocked I was that he did it. Because he never did things like that.
He was always poor-mouthing about how much money his kids cost him, but always had the money to buy new suits and shoes or go out to eat at the nicest restaurants in town. When he died, I was 21. Here the man was an architect, but he never even bothered to get a decent life insurance policy. He had one token $10,000 policy that essentially covered his burial costs and two months of living expenses for my mother. Yet, when he died, we took dozens of tailored suits and really nice shoes to Goodwill. So I had to punt graduate school in order to take care of my mom.
My mother, on the other hand, basically threw herself at whatever man came along after my father passed away. High school boyfriends, mainly. She dropped everything she was doing in order to be with them. The only problem was that they were all married. Yep. Thirty years of affairs with married men.
They didn't just take up her time. They occupied her attention, too. My mother let my kids sleep overnight a grand total of five times during their childhood, and only when we were in desperate straits. One morning after a sleepover, I asked my mom to meet us over at the soccer field where my six-year-old had a game. She arrives with the kid duly dressed to play, and I ask mom if she wanted to stay and watch the game. "Why would I want to do that?" was her reply. She got in her car and roared away to be with her lover at the time. Ask my siblings and they'll just nod their collective heads, having had similar experiences.
At age 55, it still rankles me that we were raised by such narcissists. So when it came time for me to have kids, I never missed a baseball game, violin recital, band concert, or any other event. I don't care how late I'd have to work for the missed time from the job. I've never complained about money to my kids. And while I've never indulged them, I almost never raised my voice. And you better believe that I have a freaking awesome insurance policy if I kick in the next fifteen years.
So I don't miss my dad. Sorry. And I don't think I'll miss my mom all that much, to be perfectly honest. It makes me sad in a way, but they are the ones who absented themselves from the lives of their children, not vice versa.
I miss my parents! I lost my Mom and Dad only a few years apart from each other (2013 and 2016). Now I am pregnant, and my parents will never know this grandchild. My Mom was the glue that kept our family together, and after my Dad's death forget it. I might as well died with them to my extended relatives. So, I lost my parents and my family. I have gotten used to it, but I have no idea how I am to explain any of this to our little girl. I guess tell her that her grandparents are in heaven? Hopefully she will not ask too much about other relatives??
l lost both of mine about 6 and 8 yrs ago..
At first it was just time for them they were both in 80s and not doing well , l almost felt happy for them the time had come, l know they were both worn out.
But of course all the other feelings that come with losing them too.
This last few years though it'd be so nice to talk to them again . Also l see so many things about them with age and time now , that l'd only just started to realize in last few years before we lost them.
So l'd love the chance to just talk now and show them the appreciation of who they really were.
l lost both of mine about 6 and 8 yrs ago..
At first it was just time for them they were both in 80s and not doing well , l almost felt happy for them the time had come, l know they were both worn out.
But of course all the other feelings that come with losing them too.
This last few years though it'd be so nice to talk to them again . Also l see so many things about them with age and time now , that l'd only just started to realize in last few years before we lost them. So l'd love the chance to just talk now and show them the appreciation of who they really were.
There's lots more but yeah , l miss them a lot.
Boy, can I relate to the bolded. I miss my parents, a lot, too. My dad died in 2004 and Mom in 2014. For the last six years of her life I lived in her guest house so we spent a lot of time together. We talked about many things but since then even more things have come up that I'd love to talk to her about. I miss my dad's crazy sense of humor and 'lectures'. lol
Like BlueMonday though my family has pretty much ignored me for a long time now. Well, they did before Mom died too and ignored her as well, so I didn't expect more than that. It's disappointing though. And I've also lost a sister and brother over the years and I miss them too. They DID stay in touch.
One parent has been dead for 30 years, the other for 20 years and they both still appear in my dreams from time to time. I wasn't attached at the navel to them but I always got along well with both of them when they were alive. I can't honestly say that I miss them a lot but sometimes I have regrets about missed opportunities when they were still alive to talk with them about some things or to express my appreciation about certain things.
I'm sorry they didn't get to be around for some of the things I know they would have liked to, but they had good lives, normal lifespans, so I suppose I can't complain too much. I don't think they'd be happy/healthy if they were still here, so I can't really say I wish they were...it just seems selfish knowing they would most likely be suffering.
There just isn't really anything you can do to prepare for the loss of a parent, and its not something that you can ever really "get over". For me at least, my life is now partitioned into before they died and after. Not in a bad way - its not painful now, but it is still something I think about - that it was just different when they were gone. I just try to focus on the good times and those memories, and consider myself fortunate that I had as much time with them as I did, knowing that many people have far less.
Of course. Anyone who has good parents will always miss them no matter how much time has passed and will always wish they were still here. I'd give anything to hug my father just once more, or talk to him for only a minute. The older I get, the more I want it.
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