Does it seem to you men are less likely to keep in touch with their siblings once adults? (wife, father)

[HappyFarm34]

I noticed this among family members and friends. Guys are less likely to take an active approach in keeping contact with their adult siblings. This especially true after one or both parents passes. (Social media doesn't count.) I mean like chatting on the phone and getting together in person every once in a while like on the holidays.

[JoesJava]

HappyFarm34 - I am sure it varies. My oldest brother has never had anything to do with any of us. I keep in touch via telephone/text with the other brother several times per week and sometimes, not even that often. He is a miserable person, so I have to really bolster myself to deal with the constant "Debbie Downer" attitude from both he and his wife.

[Mattie]

I can't agree with that generalization. It describes my husband's relationship with his only sibling, but my own brothers are much better at keeping in touch than I am.

[Harpaint]

The men I know don't chat on the phone much to anyone. They're more the face to face kind. But they do keep in touch with siblings.

[BlueFebruary]

I think it depends on the brother and their relationship with their siblings.

One of my brothers calls me every week and we'll exchange texts and photos occasionally.

With my other brother, we only text if we need to ask each other something.

This makes sense to me because the first brother has always been easier for me to talk to. We have some interests in common, agree on a lot of things and can have nice conversations. We can discuss serious things, but he's more lighthearted and easygoing about things in general.

With my other brother, we don't have much in common and it's just harder to have a conversation with him. I feel like he's going to think what I'm saying is stupid, and he won't talk about anything unless I ask him direct questions. He's more serious and has a "my way is the right way" attitude.

[rrah]

When I think about my father, the answer is no. When I think about my mother's brother, my uncle, the answer was no until he died. When I think about my brother, the answer is no. When I think about my 3 brother-in-laws, the answer is no. My son and daughter talk or text fairly often (both in their 20's).

My husband is the exception, and there are excellent reasons he no longer is in contact with his 2 sisters. He did remain in contact with one until she crossed a line for the last time about a year ago.

[fleetiebelle]

With social media and texting it's probably easier, but from my own personal experience, yeah, it does seem like men are less likely to keep touch with siblings. My sisters and I are great friends, but our brother is almost like some guy we know. I'd be really surprised if I got a text or call from him where something wasn't wrong.

I know that my mother is the one who maintains the relationship between my dad and his brother--if she didn't set up dinners or get together, they'd rarely talk (there are no hard feelings or anything, they just don't.)

[greatblueheron]

Originally Posted by HappyFarm34

I noticed this among family members and friends. Guys are less likely to take an active approach in keeping contact with their adult siblings. This especially true after one or both parents passes. (Social media doesn't count.) I mean like chatting on the phone and getting together in person every once in a while like on the holidays.

Yes, in my family....including cousins etc.

[homina12]

Most adult men are in relationships, and in my experience adult men in relationships end up relying a lot on their SO for companionship, emotional support, and so on. As a result their other relationships with siblings and friends sometimes suffer. I don't think this is anyone's fault, but men often are a bit socially isolated as they reach middle age, or very reliant on their SO for support, or as a conduit for access to other people.

I've talked to my son, 37, about this. Men in general kill themselves about 4 times as often as women, and middle aged men about 7X. For middle aged men, financial and health problems often appear to be at least partly to blame, along with substance abuse. I often wonder though if social isolation doesn't contribute heavily. If these men feel they can't talk to their wives or SOs because they feel like they've failed them and have few or no other confidants, those challenges can seem overwhelming pretty quickly.

I know plenty of men who have rich social lives, but I'm concerned for those who don't. The suicide thing really is appalling.

[ClassicGal]

I think a lot depends on the people involved and/or the dynamics of the parents/family that raised the siblings.

There is a lot to that old saying that goes something like, “A son is a son until he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all of her life.” Women tend to be more touchy feely in their family relationships and have friendships within them. As a result, the woman’s family often takes center stage in the day to day involvement of their lives. In some cases, it gets out of balance to where the husband’s family is excluded in things. Many times this is intentional on the part of the wife and sometimes it just happens.

In cases where I have seen the male closely involved with his family, as far as interest and maintaining a close relationship, they were raised with this in mind. The parents encouraged closeness between the siblings with no fighting, competition, favoritism, or excuses for hateful behavior towards each other. The children were also raised with love and that a family is loyal and supportive of each other. I know someone who had a brother and the parents encouraged him to let a an upcoming wife know that he expected his parents to be as involved with the grandchildren as her parents. Years later, when he married, that happened. I know of another male who has been more responsible towards his parents and grandparents and siblings than most people I know. In his case, his whole family has a strong sense of family and were raised to see themselves as a kind of team. When someone is sick or in need, they don’t worry about being alone or neglected.

I know of another situation where the children had wonderful parents on many levels, but they never seemed to be able to have their children and the cousins fully be close to each other. This trickled down to the future of the family. Based on what I saw, one son was a spoiled jerk who had never been given boundaries or made to show respect within the family. He had a successful career and he was popular with women, but lacked a desire to act on what was appropriate when it came to some things when dealing with others. He also thought the world revolved around him. The parents refusal to acknowledge his rude or selfish behavior toward some of the family, affected how they perceived him and how much contact they had with him decades later. The parents poor parenting style with this one son impacted the whole family and the potential closeness they could have had later.

I am a believer that parents have an influence on sibling relationships and overall relationship issues once the children are grown. I don’t think there is an exact formula, but they do play a big role in what happens. This is not to discount the good parents out there who were good, but life just happened.