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I just don't get how people are not supposed to take things personal when it is indeed their own personality that is causing people to not want them around (me!).
First of all, when someone says "don't take it personal", it means that it's going to be very, very personal.
Second, you are the last remaining single, childless (or childfree) man in your group of friends. Which means everyone else in the group sees you as a bumbling, immature Peter Pan. Which can't be good for your social status. And since our society looks down on single men over 30, you're in this situation where it feels like your friends don't respect you and aren't honest about it.
Your best bet at this point is to form new friendships. You didn't mention your city, but how active is Meetup in your area. In Chicago and even its suburbs, Meetup is very active, and it seems to attract lots of quirky types: childfree people, hipster-minded middle-age adults, socially awkward people, gamers, etc. It's been my lifesaver, as far as socialization is concerned, after my friends got married, became borderline cliquish with other couples, and lost some of their respect for me. (Or at least it feels that way.)
So if Meetup is an option for you, join it, and start going to their events. You'll be able to get into what Red Pillers call "abundance mentality", only with friendships; your current friends won't be your only social outlet. In fact, you'll be able to partake in activities that your friends can't do, like an all-day pub crawl, with silly group selfies and boatloads of laughter.
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Are they obliged to lie or be deceptive? Is accepting your friends lies a part of being "grown up"?
I get that the families wanted a "family" outing, but the families are the immature ones here.
No, BUT white lies are told in these situations, AND where you think the person is going to have an issue like the OP does.
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07-06-2018, 06:16 PM
KeysDreamin2019
n/a posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
So there was yelling involved in this issue?
IF YOU COUNT THIS as yelling- sure. There were a few words or two that were capitalized during the text based discussion.
07-06-2018, 06:19 PM
KeysDreamin2019
n/a posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
Or perhaps Uncle Tim is "that guy" in the friend group, and he's just realizing it now.
Pretty sure that it wouldn't have taken 3 years of hanging out almost every weekend during the summer with this group (and 15 years before that with just my friend) to figure out if I was that guy.. I will have an open mind to realize that I may have just recently become that guy, but I do not think I've changed much in the last 5 years. Maybe that's the problem. Who knows when you are told "do not take it personal" instead of actually telling me what the real problem is.
07-06-2018, 06:23 PM
KeysDreamin2019
n/a posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
No, BUT white lies are told in these situations, AND where you think the person is going to have an issue like the OP does.
I have other friends, for example the ones I was hanging out with last night, and the night before (Wed night was with a friend I met in first grade and her family) at various fireworks shows who also are families and who have always just casually mentioned when they are doing family things when I send a text saying "we should hang out", I've never thrown a tantrum if people are straight up with me. I can't imagine this would have gone any different.
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In Chicago and even its suburbs, Meetup is very active, and it seems to attract lots of quirky types: childfree people, hipster-minded middle-age adults, socially awkward people, gamers, etc. It's been my lifesaver, as far as socialization is concerned, after my friends got married, became borderline cliquish with other couples, and lost some of their respect for me. (Or at least it feels that way.)
