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Because the cold harsh reality is that most people are too self centered and self absorbed to really give a shyte about those they call friends. This reality comes through in their lack of effort, etc.
We live in a time and world where the majority of the people out there don't know how to be a friend or treat a friend. And frankly, couldn't care less!
I just wonder why some treat friendships like this .....Because in the end...those types of people are NOT real friends...just users.Friendship shouldn't be that difficult.
Yeah. Hard lesson learned here, almost a year ago.
A balance in a healthy relationship would be the integration of these tasks by the parties involved.
I tend to enjoy planning and working out the minimal details. But by golly am I ever lenient on "time" and such. I can't stand things being timed to the umpteenth second! No one likes to be rushed or held to a clock when the pleasure is lost because of the stress.
My friends know I have some flaws...ever so thank ful they work around it. Im loyal and a person of my word. But time...yeah that one gets me.....
I agree with that.
Ironically, the two people who are poor at planning things are two of the most reliable and available friends I have in my life.
Other people are too flaky, too busy, don't give a crap, have 100 other priorities over hanging out with me.
What I mean by this post is when you have a set of friends that you have to do all the calling , picking a date and place to go eat at and then you don't hear from them unless you call . I think people like this make being friends work as in tedious and aggravating . I just wonder why some treat friendships like this .
I think many times it's just their personality. I've always found it hard to be friends with a lot of people not because they make it hard or tedious, but because I do. And this are good people whom I am lucky to have as friends. Don't believe some of the posters here who are telling you they don't want to be friends because that's just not true all of the time.
After I wrote my post, I went back and reread what everyone said. Odd that no one -- including me, mind you -- suggested you talk to your friends about this. A few of the posters here said to drop them as friends. I think the replies here tell us more about those typing it out than they do the OP's friends. OP, if it bothers you so much, talk to your friends about their behavior.
People like that do not really want to be your friend....unless they are bored and have nothing else to do. I would just stop initiating contact. Nobody has time for that one sided bs.
If you are doing all the work to get together and they never reciprocate, then I'd say they don't like you that much and the friendship is one-sided
I cite this post because zentropa and I think alike (sorry, zentropa, but I'm good company . . . according to myself). I have wrestled with this concept and I decided that friendships, in the broadest sense, can be subdivided into two categories:
1) reciprocating: in general, this is what most of us mean by friendships. In this type, both members of the friendship initiate to one another. There is a mutual interest in getting together.
2) non-reciprocating: as others have noted, one might say this is not a true friendship. One finds out that though the other party will participate in activities, that other partner never initiates any rendezvous or shared activity. They are non-reciprocating.
This concept came to my attention because I recently moved to Colorado. I have a high school friend in the general vicinity of the western slope who moved to CO over twenty years ago. I knew him in junior high school (they didn't call it middle school back then), high school, and all through college.
I occasionally came to CO on vacation and I even stayed at his house more than once.
Yet he never invited me to CO per se or initiated in any way. When I recently decided to move to CO, I had to determine whether I should contact him before I move, after I move, or not at all. I decided the proper answer was "not at all." It's no big deal . . . he lives about 100 miles away, in another city anyway. I decided that if I told him I was moving to CO to the western slope, he might feel obligated.
BTW, I do think you can have a geniune long-lasting friendship, and yet neither of you make much effort to stay in contact. I have another high school friend who lives about five hours away. We never stay in contact, and I have only seen him every twenty years or so. But there is a warmth there when we talk or e-mail. And when we talk or e-mail, it is typical that he will conclude the call by encouraging me to come out and see him (even stay with him). That is a true friend.
I've always found that when I was the one doing all the work---calling, making plans, etc.; that when I stopped calling, people like that never call back. If they are bad when it comes to making plans and/or suggestions for outings, then why can't they, at least, call just to talk and ask how you are doing?
After I wrote my post, I went back and reread what everyone said. Odd that no one -- including me, mind you -- suggested you talk to your friends about this. A few of the posters here said to drop them as friends. I think the replies here tell us more about those typing it out than they do the OP's friends. OP, if it bothers you so much, talk to your friends about their behavior.
I respectfully disagree , I don’t think our answers can tell you much about us. Here’s why; I accept my friends as they are and they range from friends who are lazy about making plans, and others who aren’t, some who are less mobile and some who are on a very tight budget. The problem is when someone posts they end up being resentful of being the one who calls all the time and arranges things then they have a problem that goes beyond one friend or they have forced friendships that perhaps should not exist.
Sure the op could talk to her friends but she hasn’t, instead the op came here. The big question is does this happen with ALL friends all the time, because if it does it goes back to what I said earlier.
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