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I don't know that there are rules of engagement for friendship unless the two parties sit down and define what those are... I can consider myself "friends" with someone and rarely or never see them (I'm quite independent, self-sufficient, and happy keeping my own company), whereas others have to be in constant verbal and physical contact for that term to apply to them. How much and what kind of contact is "enough"? It's a highly individual matter.
Just to update we only have one set a couple that does this . All of our other friends call , want to play cards etc and go out to eat . This is just one couple that do this the no calling and making plans thing. When they first met us they even said "we don't have many friends " and now I kind of know why . Because they don't make an effort . I do think I have come to my limit with them though .
Just to update we only have one set a couple that does this . All of our other friends call , want to play cards etc and go out to eat . This is just one couple that do this the no calling and making plans thing. When they first met us they even said "we don't have many friends " and now I kind of know why . Because they don't make an effort . I do think I have come to my limit with them though .
Thanks for clarifying , yes I agree if people don’t make an effort then time to let go.
An "effort" to do what? I guess I regard friendship as more a state of being than of doing. Otherwise, doesn't it just come down to people using each other?
An "effort" to do what? I guess I regard friendship as more a state of being than of doing. Otherwise, doesn't it just come down to people using each other?
How are you supposed to “be” with friends if you don’t make plans to “do” anything with them?
Just to update we only have one set a couple that does this . All of our other friends call , want to play cards etc and go out to eat . This is just one couple that do this the no calling and making plans thing. When they first met us they even said "we don't have many friends " and now I kind of know why . Because they don't make an effort . I do think I have come to my limit with them though .
Because the cold harsh reality is that most people are too self centered and self absorbed to really give a shyte about those they call friends. This reality comes through in their lack of effort, etc.
We live in a time and world where the majority of the people out there don't know how to be a friend or treat a friend. And frankly, couldn't care less!
Do you think that’s a general state of being for all people, or do you think it’s influenced by where you live? My husband and I have a hard time making friends here in So. Cal, even with people our age and in the same stage of life. I’ve always felt it would be easier if we moved somewhere else, like the Midwest where I’ve heard people are friendlier and more receptive. Or maybe that’s an erroneous perception. Or maybe it’s just us. It’s not as though we don’t try, but people are always too busy for this or that, or don’t reciprocate after an initial get together. It seems common for people to suggest getting together more as a conversation ender rather than as a solid plan for a specific future date. When I and/or my husband have said, “Sure, we’d/I’d love to do that; when would be a good date for you?” We’re given a vague, “Oh let’s touch base and figure that out,” but nothing ever comes of it. I have a 3 tries rule and after that it’s on the other person to make plans if they’re genuinely interested. That’s usually where it ends because no one seems interested. I know it can’t just be us, because many others have complained about the very same thing.
Ironically, the two people who are poor at planning things are two of the most reliable and available friends I have in my life.
Other people are too flaky, too busy, don't give a crap, have 100 other priorities over hanging out with me.
It's typically indicative of a laidback person.
Pretty much sums me up. I have friends I have known for 50 years. I have always been there for them when they needed support and would drop everything in a heartbeat if they needed me. But I’m not likely to initiate an outing or plan an evening out. If they contact me to join them I will usually be game for whatever they have in mind. But if they are waiting for me to plan something, it will be a long wait. My sister-in-law says the same about my brother. She says all his friends think of him as their best friend and, he would always be there for them if they needed something. But if they stopped calling him and never initiated a tail gate party or fishing trip, they would never hear from him again. I cannot explain it. We’re _______ up!
I know a couple women like this and I have realized they are not friends at all but merely acquaintances that sometimes in a blue moon when they’re not with anyone else in particular or are bored or boyfriend isn’t available and 109 other things are exactly the way they need to be, maybe you might do something together. Otherwise forget it. Lol. Once I figured this out my life became so much simpler and I now go out with real friends that enjoy my company and reciprocate invitations and actually show up for things .
For some that never initiate it may be only with your group (acquaintances). If asked to do something they like they will attend. These same people may always initiate with their other group (friends).
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