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I am married to a wonderful man. We are in the process of buying a vacation home with partial use for his father or mother (divorced, both living far away in different states) to stay in when they are in our part of the country for extended periods (the house is about 40 mins from us, beautiful and in a relaxing locale.)
The problem is my FIL. Though we can afford this on our own, he wants to "invest." A few months ago he was looking for a SFH in our area to purchase and use much the same way as this house. He got cold feet when he saw prices in our area. When we said we were buying this place partially family use, he stated that he wanted to give us a significant sum toward the purchase instead of buying his own place. I told my husband it was a bad idea, but my husband thought it would be fine so long as we made everything clear and in writing about expectations on use and return on any investment.
We are well into the transaction and have not seen any funds. We have been told elaborately that "the check is in the mail" and that, when it does not appear in an extended time, a new check has gone out (not with tracking...) but nothing has arrived. Various excuses have been made-- it was sent to a wrong address, it may not have had a stamp (!) etc. Its bordering on comical at this point. Except for the fact that my husband really believes its coming.
As I say, we can afford this without FIL, but FIL has a history of not telling the truth and then acting confused when others confront him or get angry. I see the pattern but my husband still has faith he will come through. In all other areas of his life, my husband is a very practical and pragmatic man. But he really puts a lot of trust in a father, who, for many reasons in my observation, has not earned it.
I think FIL is dangling this to get my husband's attention as the check adventure has had FIL and husband talking quite a bit more than usual. My husband is very busy but makes a call to his parents weekly (in his 40s, he has not missed this.) Since this check topic has been opened, his dad is calling more to figure out where it might be and my husband is interacting with him daily if not more often. He then uses these calls to ask for things-- for example, he wants a hot tub in the new house--and my husband will respond.
I see this all going way off the rails and I want to head it off. Any advice?
Last edited by desperatedogadvice; 08-13-2018 at 06:49 AM..
I think you're better off not taking any funds from FIL. Once money gets involved, he's going to claim 'ownership' of some sorts. You're going to have a full time tenant in your vacation home.
Be thankful that the check is apparently NOT in the mail, and don't use a penny of this man's money and don't give him one shred of ownership or legal right in this property.
I'm not saying don't let him use it - go ahead if that's what you want - just don't give him a bit of actual legal ownership of this property. Tell the title company you want to go ahead and close and you want the property in you and your husband's names only. Then close on it. THEN let your FIL know that you and your husband have already bought the property, it's a done deal, they're welcome to come visit, and just drive on.
First healthy boundary in place. Your husband will learn a lot of valuable lessons through this process and your FIL will learn that your husband is a man now.
I think you're better off not taking any funds from FIL. Once money gets involved, he's going to claim 'ownership' of some sorts. You're going to have a full time tenant in your vacation home.
I agree but I am not the sole decision maker.
We did engage with an attorney to write up an agreement and are moving the house to an LLC to protect ourselves legally. But even that is not enough. I thought from the beginning that it was a bad idea.
Be thankful that the check is apparently NOT in the mail, and don't use a penny of this man's money and don't give him one shred of ownership or legal right in this property.
I'm not saying don't let him use it - go ahead if that's what you want - just don't give him a bit of actual legal ownership of this property. Tell the title company you want to go ahead and close and you want the property in you and your husband's names only. Then close on it. THEN let your FIL know that you and your husband have already bought the property, it's a done deal, they're welcome to come visit, and just drive on.
The title will be in our name until its moved to an LLC we are creating for it. We decided to take out a small mortgage on it vice buying cash. As soon as FIL heard that, he wanted no part of any mortgage, and offered to send his lump sum "investment." I politely declined, so he called his son and the theatrics started.
We did engage with an attorney to write up an agreement and are moving the house to an LLC to protect ourselves legally. But even that is not enough. I thought from the beginning that it was a bad idea.
Look. You don't have any money from your FIL. The house deal needs to be done. Your FIL doesn't need to
"put a check in the mail." He can wire the money directly from his bank into your account and it will be there within 24 hours. Or to the title company, whatever. My point is that he can get the money to wherever it needs to be to close within 24 hours.
I think it's a bad idea to comingle the funds, but if your husband insists, then he needs to tell his dad that the closing is this week, and if the funds aren't cleared and in place by that date, then the closing will happen anyway, no "investment opportunity" for him - and that's OK, he's still welcome to come visit. THEN STICK TO IT. And be grateful that he didn't actually put a check in the mail. Because clearly he hasn't.
Look. You don't have any money from your FIL. The house deal needs to be done. Your FIL doesn't need to
"put a check in the mail." He can wire the money directly from his bank into your account and it will be there within 24 hours. Or to the title company, whatever. My point is that he can get the money to wherever it needs to be to close within 24 hours.
I think it's a bad idea to comingle the funds, but if your husband insists, then he needs to tell his dad that the closing is this week, and if the funds aren't cleared and in place by that date, then the closing will happen anyway, no "investment opportunity" for him - and that's OK, he's still welcome to come visit. THEN STICK TO IT. And be grateful that he didn't actually put a check in the mail. Because clearly he hasn't.
I agree, and I know he hasn't.
At this point its not about the money, My husband really believes his dad's crazy tales and is worried about him because he's getting a hard luck story. I see this a lot differently. I don't want any part of the money abd I think my husband should just say "it must not be meant to be! Nothings showed up, we are moving ahead. Thanks for thinking of us." and cut off the conversation. But for some reason he's drawn into this. There is a dynamic there that is hard for me to watch.
And neither is your husband so why does he get final say so?
At the start, you told him it wasn't a good idea. And you acquiesced when he suggested that everything be in writing. A reasonable compromise between the two of you, IMO.
So you've given it your best effort, and it's not working out. This is a sign of things to come. One reason why folks recommend not doing business with family. So now it's time to point this out to hubby and tell him, let's just go with our original plan - just me and you.
The only way to keep this from going completely off the rails is to convince your husband to not allow your FIL to be an investor.
I think FIL has cold feet again but does not want to admit it. If I was sending a check through the mail for a large amount, it would go registered mail the FIRST time. He is stalling and trying to save face. Go ahead and close on the house, let him visit whenever and thank your lucky stars you are not getting embroiled in a financial mess.
I think you're about to get screwed to put it plainly. Once FIL is in the house.. good luck getting him out.
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