What should I make of my dad's intentions? (wife, father, children)

[River City Rocky]

I want to provide a background story for the dilemma that I am about to present. Basically my father was not really ever in my life, he had a secret 2nd family and I didn't find out that I had a younger brother until I was 6 years old.
From when I was 6 until I was 11 years old I would only see him a few times a month whenever he would come to our house to eat or do whatever he needed to do. Then after I turned 11 he finally left for good with his other family (wife and child) to Europe.

From the time I was 11 to the time I was 23 i've only seen him twice as he's lived in Europe ever since. From the looks of it to me, he's lived a quite comfortable life in Europe and from what I can speculate he has not had to work a job in the last 10 years as he has been on social assistance to cover his needs. I've even visited him in Europe and he seemingly lives a life anyone would envy ( by the beach and not having to work).

Now in the last year apparently out of nowhere he says that he wants to come back to the U.S to start a business and says that he would like me to help him in said business. Keep in mind that I have kept somewhat regular contact with him in the last 10 years and he had never mentioned anything like that to me until this past year. Now it seems that he's determined to move back to the U.S no matter what in the next few months.

Can someone help me figure out what are my father's intentions with this move? He is on his 3rd marriage but he seems to be doing well with his situation in Europe, so why would he want to take a downgrade in quality of life in order to move to America and work like a dog in order to start a business, when you take into consideration his age (he's in his 60's) it makes even less sense. I just had a child and he says that in addition to starting the business he wants to meet my child and get closer to me, but I don't understand why if he didn't have any reason to want to get close to me after all these years, why the sudden change?

I do want to add that I feel somewhat betrayed because at least in my opinion he lived a much more luxurious life in Europe than I ever did in America; I always asked him to help me find a way to emigrate to Europe but he always basically ignored any request for help that I asked of him.

So now I'm pretty upset that after he ignored my requests for help, he wants to come to the place that I want to get away from and it seems that he wants me to drop everything and cater to his needs. Why should I after all these years give him the time of day just because now he decides he's ready to have a closer relationship? Could there possibly be something that he's running from in Europe and he's just using this as an excuse to get away? could he possibly have ulterior motives? Can someone please help me make sense of this? I really appreciate any advice.

[Zoisite]

This sounds really off to me. He sounds like an opportunistic scoundrel and a scammer if he's been living well off on social assistance in Europe and now he wants to return and start a business in America. With what? Where did he get the money to relocate and start a business in a different country?

I don't believe for a minute that he wants a closer relationship. Don't let yourself get scammed and taken for a sucker. He said he wants to return to America and he wants you to help him in his business? What kind of payment is he offering you for your help? What kind of help does he want you to do? Did he ask you to invest any of your own money into his business? If he didn't or won't tell you all the full details and offer proof of honesty and good intentions then beware of illegal activity.

I'd be suspicious that he's running away from criminal charges of some kind in Europe (maybe for fraud) and he wants your help but he won't be able to pay you for your help (just like he won't be able to pay anyone else either) and he's hoping you'll help him out of a sense of family obligation.

But he has already scammed other people in the past (a secret 2nd family, and now he's abandoned them too and he's started on his 3rd wife) he abandoned your mother and you when you were a child, he's been living luxuriously on social assistance - these are all big red flags that signal an unscrupulous criminal man who doesn't care who he hurts. You may have maintained some minor contact over the years but you aren't close, you still barely know the guy and you aren't obligated to help him in any way. Keep in mind that if you do get involved in helping him with his schemes you may be at risk of getting into big legal problems yourself for being an accessory, aiding and abetting someone who may be a criminal.

If it was me in your shoes, no matter what kind of promises or demands that he made, I would tell him that I can't and don't want to help him in his business and he'll have to hire somebody else to help him with that. Although I would allow him to meet his grandchild I would be cautious and keep him at arm's distance (just like he has kept you at arms distance all your life.) Beware. Be suspicious. Ask lots of questions. What has happened to all his other wives and children? Be careful. Protect yourself and your child and look out for your own best interests.

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[Yub Ipsa Loquiter]

Trust must be earned. He assumes too much with no indication of being aware of the burdens he introduces into your life--even if he is solvent, which there is no proof of. If you do not proceed with caution and with your guard up, he won't respect you.

[DonaldJTrump]

Lots of red flags . Why would someone on his 60s whose already been retired for so many years, on govt assistance, go start a business and risk everything.

[skeddy]

cut off all contact with him. He was a sperm donor, nothing more.

[tottsieanna]

I agree, I think he is running from something. I doubt that the reason he lived a well off lifestyle was government assistance.

[cremebrulee]

I agree, lots of red flags....

what I would do, is, tell him you would like to be friends with him, but in no way do you accept any work from him, or get involved with him that would involve any kind of money, savings, living conditions or otherwise with him.

Get where your want to go on your own, never ever take money from anyone to get there, work for it, and do it on your own, that way you won't be obligated to anyone, or to scams.

But, no, I wouldn't involve myself with this man, he had no time for you when you were young, now all of a sudden he wants to get involved? No, take it slow and be very wise, b/c he could be a scam artist...be very careful.....the moment he asks for anything from you, exit, quietly and quickly and do not allow him to live with you, or you with him....

[dspguy]

If you've kept in contact on a regular basis, I'd say meeting your kid and being involved in your family is one thing. But starting a business - hell no. Don't get involved in that nonsense.

[Spuggy]

Tell him good luck on his new venture and leave it at that. If he asks for your help say no. If he presses you say goodbye.

[rrah]

I don't know his intentions, but no matter what DO NOT give him any money. Let him meet you child if you wish to do so, but staying with you or anything else is off the table.