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I'm wondering if my neighbor's children are being abused. Here's what's going on:
My backyard abuts my neighbor's backyard. A 4-ft. tall metal fence with widely spaced pickets separates the two yards. So all of us can see each other quite well when we're in our backyards.
A couple with four children live in this house behind us. Their kids play or hang out often in their backyard. I've met the parents as well as the kids and they all seem nice. The husband is gone a lot for work, and the wife is a stay at home mom. Parents are about in their early forties. We're acquaintances but not close friends.
Okay, here's what troubles me. The oldest child is 16. He sometimes stands in the backyard or on the patio and takes his fist and hits the front of his chest repeatedly. He's a tall, strong kid, so the force of his fist is considerable. He'll thump himself in the sternum for sometimes five minutes straight. That's a long time to strike your chest. He looks angry and stern when he does it. Have seen him do this for about a year.
The 12-year old girl is a sweetheart and very, very shy. I see her at least a couple times a week during warmer weather in the yard with the back of her pants or shorts wet. She obviously wets herself. No, it's not from a hose or wet grass. Have seen her like this for a couple years.
The 9-year old boy also is very sweet and shy. I haven't seen any unusual behavior with him.
The youngest child, a 5-year old boy, sometimes sits on the edge of a low planter or lawn chair and rocks back and forth rapidly, sometimes pressing his thumb against his front teeth (but not sucking his thumb). He does this quite often and for hours at a time. He's a cute little guy and not at all shy. He's been doing the rocking outside for a year or so.
Occasionally I hear the mother shouting at the kids, but nothing extreme. She seems very pleasant and seems to love her kids. I don't see much of the husband except when he's doing yard work.
The chest hitting, urination, and rocking back and forth don't seem normal to me. I don't want to butt into my neighbors' business but this behavior seems odd and troubling. A few times I gently asked the kids if they were okay and did they need help with anything, but they just looked at me and left the yard.
You might as non-threateningly as possible talk to the parents very casually with a smile and see what they say. Maybe all those kids have known problems. Maybe the older boy is psyching himself up for making the football team. Wet pants could be physical problem. The little kid could be bored or have mental problems.
I'd take the lowest level route first before possibly humiliating the parents.
If you don't get a good vibe from the parents after a discussion, then consider Plan B.
The parents are the biological parents of the kids. No one else has raised them. They all look like peas in a pod.
None of the kids have autism, Asperger's, etc. No physical issues that I know of.
The children are well fed, well groomed and dressed, go to school, aren't left alone, and have friends. Except for the pants-wetting girl, the kids don't exhibit these behaviors when their friends come over to play in the yard with them.
Are you thinking the 16 yo boy is abusing his sister?
No, not at all. The fact that three out of four of the kids have unusual behaviors makes me think -- perhaps a parent. The father's gone a lot. The mother's home all the time.
The oldest boy abhors sports and loves math and science, so he not pumping himself up for football. If the girl's urination was a physical problem, wouldn't she wear some kind of protection? The fast and furious rocking of the youngest child goes way beyond boredom.
There's just something that doesn't feel right.
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