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If there’s an option to potentially be cured, I do think you should take it.
Sure it’s your decision but ppl who love you probably feel the same way I do. I would absolutely feel the same way about my own family ... like if there is a treatment out there, do it
I mean my 2 cent.
Thank you. Like I said, I can perfectly understand my family's worries. I only request they try to do the same.
It would be much more dramatic if it this was happening to one of my brothers since they have children. My life is much more expendable.
foundedjames, I am so sorry for everything you are going through, but I would support you 100%. I have known too many people with cancer who went through months of "torment" with chemo and radiation, only to die anyway. I would rather have six GOOD months instead of a year of mostly agony (not to mention the expense).
Of course, people must decide for themselves what is best for them, and I wish that your family could understand that.
Also, please be selfish and do whatever YOU want. (I know that if I were in your situation, not much would change for me as long as I was able, and that means that I would still be doing a lot of posting! However, I would stop dieting, lol, and eat all the desserts and junk food I wanted!)
Yes, it would horrible to watch my family members get their hopes so high when the treatment seemed to be working only to have them dashed a few weeks later usually. It's a process I wouldn't wish on anyone.
Yes, I've beeing eating whatever I want lately even though I never really had bad lifestyle habits (never smoked, avoid junk food, exercise and will only drink alcohol on special occasions).
Kidney cancer has a very high survival rate. If it has not spread, more than 90% of people live 5 years (at which point it's considered cured if you've had 5 years of no evidence of disease). Overall, it has a 5 year survival rate of 75%. I guess I'm confused as to why you wouldn't think it was worth it.
If you were my family or a friend, I'd be giving you a hard time too. And if your choice was to refuse treatment, my choice would be to remove myself from the situation. It would be like witnessing a suicide but not trying to intervene.
It seems like almost every cancer has high survival rates these days. I always take cancer stats with a very large pinch of salt.
It also tells me little about the quality of life of those people. I've seen people live with cancer for 5 years - months and months of not being able to do anything due to the side effects, in and out of hospital, completely dependent on the care of others.
I have been diagnosed with kidney cancer and my family does not accept that I'm refusing treatment. I can perfectly understand trying to change to my mind at first, since it's a shock and I would surely do the same in their place.
However, it comes to a point when you have to accept the decision. My mother and my brothers keep coming at me to try to change my mind at every opportunity. I've tried to explain that as if this isn't hard enough already, they are just making it harder. Instead of counting on their support, I'm usually angry at them.
Has anyone ever dealt with a similar situation in their family?
How long ago did you get your diagnosis? What stage cancer was it and how aggressive? Many people feel they don't want treatment right at first. Often, they change their minds. Not to say you will, but how long you've had to think all this through does play in to it. Sounds like their view of your cure and survival chances are a lot different than yours. They may be feeling that you are being too fatalistic; giving up without really weighing the pros and cons of treatment. Again, none of us know specifically what you are facing.
It takes time for such news to "settle" into someone's consciousness, patient or family. They are going through a sort of grieving process. How long that takes depends on the individual. They are still in the fight mode. You are not at the same point in your thinking. All you can really do is understand why they are insisting...sounds like someone values your life even if you don't.
All that being said, it is your decision...but it is also within your power to at least understand why they are insisting. Getting angry isn't really helping anything. Are you certain the only thing you are angry about is them? There's probably some anger at yourself, your disease, and the unfairness of it all mixed in as well. It may be worth getting connected with a patient support counselor who could help you keep your relationship with your family intact and also help them accept your decision. A neutral (but experienced, knowledgeable) person could help bridge that gap to understanding. Don't underestimate how such folks can help. Been there a couple of times...done that.
Wishing you well. It's not easy, but it can be done.
Of course I'll go through pain management when the time gets there. -Naturally, I would prefer if we treated humans as well as we treat pets and euthanasia and/or assisted-suicide were available.
I completely agree with you and I’m sorry to hear that you’re dealing with this. I have a relative with cancer and he’s refusing surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation. I feel like it’s his body so it’s completely his choice.
It seems like almost every cancer has high survival rates these days. I always take cancer stats with a very large pinch of salt.
It also tells me little about the quality of life of those people. I've seen people live with cancer for 5 years - months and months of not being able to do anything due to the side effects, in and out of hospital, completely dependent on the care of others.
After 6 months of intensive chemo (which I went through with no family support while working full time), I started my master's degree while working still full time. I'm now working on my 2nd master's degree, sit on the board of one nonprofit, and volunteer for several more all while working a full time management role, maintaining an active social life, and holding on to my reigning trivia title at the local brewery.
Do I have some health impacts? Yes. I gained 80 pounds during chemo that, despite working out, have been hard to budge long term and have some lung damage from treatment. But the only time I've been in the hospital since treatment was a totally unrelated gallbladder attack. And I'm probably below average compared to many of my peers who have survived cancer, including the two people who I know who have survived kidney cancer (and they both were at least 10 years older than me!).
If you truly don't want to live, fine. But again, no one would expect a family to sit by and watch if their loved one was committing suicide even if you believe, like I do, that suicide can be an end to terminal depression. Your family isn't going to watch you kill yourself lying down.
I perfectly understand "foundedjames'" decision. I would encourage anyone in a similar situation to educate themselves as to the seriousness and survivability of the disease and the side effects of treatments, and then decide accordingly.
Just in the past few years, this situation has hit my family twice. First was my brother-in-law who was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. It was basically all through his body. He went through nearly 10 months of hell with chemo, radiation, sickness, nausea, and weight loss until it finally killed him. He was skin and bones when he died, and I can't believe that he got any enjoyment out of his final 10 months of torment.
Then, more recently, my sister-in-law was diagnosed with leukemia. I don't recall the particulars of the type of leukemia, but I believe it was a fast acting kind. After the diagnosis when her doctors began talking about scheduling her for treatments, she replied "What treatments?" She had already decided there would be no "treatments" for her. That was her decision. She died about 2 months later. That didn't give her long to live after the diagnosis, but, OTOH, it didn't give her 10 months of suffering either.
It seems that of the people I know who have had serious cancer diagnosis, a far greater percentage of them suffered through treatments for months and then died than those who had a few months of treatment and then went on to live fairly well for another 5 years or so. But in either event, I believe it's up to the individual to decide what he/she wants to do and I don't think the family or close friends should hound them about their decision. It's their decision to make and family and friends should respect their right to make their own decision.
How old are you? I totally understand what you're saying. I often think I would refuse cancer treatments. And what if they succeed? So that I can get dementia and have my diapers changed in an assisted living facility when I'm 90? No thanks. I'm 50. I think I've lived a pretty good life.
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