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I knew a woman that was very similar. She was handsome, great hair, trended toward roundness but not really overweight. Plain dresser. Not particularly bright or talented, reasonably funny, rarely flustered even when deep in a mess of her own making. She was on her 4th marriage.
What she had was: 1) confidence 2) an air of breathless excitement giving a sense that her life is much more interesting than the rest of our mere mortal's lives 3) a pretty elastic sense of ethics/responsibility/inhibition which was part of the excitement, a constant fount of interesting and novel drama, much of it her own making. She was fun to work a shift with occasionally, otherwise there was too much noise, hubbub around her. I stayed on the other side of the schedule.
No on the spells. I'm not prone to it. I tend to be very standoffish and observant to the point of missing friendship (and when single, dating) opportunities so I'm not easily wooed, much less entranced. I do see it happen to others though. I always shake my head when I see it.
This is so interesting, Cathy! Although I always read about how people supposedly don't want drama in their lives and my inclination towards mindfulness and Buddhism holds calm/quiet/equanimity/integrity in high regard, it seems that people are a little titillated by someone who is kind of noisy/"exciting,"/not tightly wound in terms of ethics and morals, etc. So I guess it's a win-win situation for the drama queens/Queen Bees and those who enjoy some association with them and get a vicarious high. For me my sympathetic nervous system goes on high alert and wants to avoid such people at all costs, but I can see how people would be bored with my lifestyle, personality, and so on---and get a contact high from the oppoiste type of person.
This is super interesting -- what lineages are charismatic? I have never heard of this
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nonchalance;
I would love a definition.
OK, by popular demand, I'll respond to this. Knowing nothing about the OP's friend, the sky was the limit for me, in terms of possibilities, so I thought maybe she's from some kind of Native background from North America or any part of the world. I was thinking, she might be from a lineage that had some hereditary gifts, or clan tradition, perhaps, in terms of commanding people's attention, or knowing subtle ways to influence people. Even in our own culture, there are families that raise their kids through example, i.e. through role modeling, to cultivate a commanding presence.
OK, by popular demand, I'll respond to this. Knowing nothing about the OP's friend, the sky was the limit for me, in terms of possibilities, so I thought maybe she's from some kind of Native background from North America or any part of the world. I was thinking, she might be from a lineage that had some hereditary gifts, or clan tradition, perhaps, in terms of commanding people's attention, or knowing subtle ways to influence people. Even in our own culture, there are families that raise their kids through example, i.e. through role modeling, to cultivate a commanding presence.
My best friend and I have known each other since we were 5 years old. I know all of her family, extended family too, and we, in fact, are closer than most sisters.
My friend has this "spell" , whereby people fall all over themselves to be with her and do things for her. Every guy she ever dated was madly in love with her, stop their life for her, marry and be with her until death. Every single one.
It's not just men either. Women do the same thing, regardless of straight, not, or in the middle.
One of the friends in our group and I were talking about the "spell". She said she remembers being under it herself back in high school, though she is not any more.
I never was, not even a little bit, and it kind of creeps me out. She is by far not the smartest, most beautiful, wittiest, kindest, etc. She has average features, is severely overweight, kind of mean and bossy at times, and not very deep or philosophical. I cannot, for the life of me figure it out.
Have you ever been under someone's spell? If so, why? How? What did it feel like? What do you think causes this kind of reaction in people? Is it only weak-minded people?
I've been under a few "spells" myself. My last one...I'm trying to shake off because it just fell apart.
These days, people seem to fall under spells with me more often than the other way around. I'm a lot like your best friend, not the smartest, (was) severely overweight, (below) average features, not (anymore) the kindest. I can actually be somewhat mean, but I'm never bossy. I try to be deep and philosophical, but all I do is **** everyone off.
In my case, I live in an area where a lot of people are on meth or heroin.
Last edited by TJenkins602; 10-03-2019 at 02:57 PM..
Not really...not in the exaggerated sense, anyway, like (insert famous narcissist here).
Little things, like, when we joke with her, tongue-in-cheek, about people being under her spell, etc, she will jokingly say "that's how it should be". But if we press it in a serious way, she will say: "WHAT?! no one feels that way, ya'll are crazy"
However, she just assumes that everyone loves her, and if ever someone did not, she wouldn't even notice, or it would be THEIR fault, THEIR shortcoming. And when she and her spouse had a short break up, then got back together, she told us that it was only on the condition that he admit it was 100% his fault (aside: I don't like him much, but it is never 100% anyone's fault).
Little things like this.
On a day-to-day basis, she is fairly humble and kind of blends in with the crowd. She does have oodles of confidence though, and never lets any of her shortcomings phase her a bit.
Some may say "that's how it should be"....but I am not built that way. I believe everyone must acknowledge areas in which to make themselves better mentally, physically, spiritually each day. In this arena, I pity her because she has never been faced with anything that would shine a light on what needs improving, so she has never improved.
Do y'all think this describes a true narcissist?
Maybe, but it seems to be the buzz word these days that we want to throw on everything, so I try to take pause.
That's actually a good quality to have. I mean it's good to improve on your shortcomings 100%, but to also be able to not let it trip you up is good.
My BIL is a spell caster, especially with women, including my wife (his sister).
He has a silver tongue and is a convincing pathological liar. My mother, then in her 80s, wasn't under his spell but explained it to me. She said when he talks you feel like you are the only one in the room. Another time she said when he speaks to you you feel like the sun is shining directly on your face.
He is a con man, mostly financial scams and to get women to support him. He has been a doctor, lawyer, and accountant in his schemes. He is on his seventh marriage. I could fill the forum with stories, including being arrested by the Secret Service.
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