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You said you all had the routine that once a year, you would go down there and he'd take a week off to spend with you.
1. Just you and him for the most part? Or is it you, him and a group of friends? You can't see how that would be problematic for the wife? When most people only get a couple of weeks of vacation, I think I could understand her aggravation that he takes a whole week off to hang with you.
2. You said she was rude to you most of the visit, and you ignored her for the most part. Where do you stay, when you're there? I'm assuming a hotel? Surely not in their home?
He either takes a few days or most of the week off. She used to do the same. It was a mixture of me and him, me, him, and her, the 3 of us, his brother, and his wife. Then when I met my girlfriend, she would come visit too. We all used to have a great time. But now things have changed. Yes, I stay at a hotel when I visit.
When I got married my long term friendships all started to shift in new directions. In fact this forum is filled with peoples stories about how their friendships have changed once they or friends find their significant other or started a family. It's what happens when you decide to dedicate and spend the rest of your life with someone, your focus is (or should be) 100% on family.
It's clear the wife prefers that family comes first and more so that your friendship take a couple steps back from what it was when you both were single/unattached. And it's clear you obviously don't like her as much as she doesn't trust/like you; you've pegged her the jealous wife trying to ruin your buddies simple fun time and I'm guessing we're only getting part of why the wife doesn't like you. Your replies to some commenters has come off a little condescending and the attitude that you should be the priority over the wife because you've been friends longer is ridiculous, if that addittue carries over in your interactions with her then I can absolutely see why she has a problem with you.
Despite what you think your friends life doesn't revolve around you anymore, he has a wife and child that need and deserve his attention and people that want to see them thrive as a family together. I get the feeling he's trying to tell you this through his "I don't want drama" answers but all you seem to do is want to start up more problems. She clearly doesn't appreciate you coming over and demanding he spend time with you "like the good old days" and personally I wouldn't be thrilled if my husbands friends did that either. They're free to join the family and maybe have a lunch here or there, but even then his friends understand his time with family comes first and join the family rather then demand his undivided attention.
You need to take a step back from your friends life; especially if it's causing him discord within his family. It's never going to be you and him ever again; and instead of blaming and trying to demonize his wife you should take the steps to give her the respect and space to let their family do what they want without you pushing your buddy to continue your old life.
Honestly you sound like the jealous ex-wife or girlfriend that can't understand why your ex wants to spend time with his family. It's because its his family and you'll never be part of that so accept it or move on.
Oh please! Way to pick and choose what you wanted to read. First off, I am well aware that family comes first. Secondly, I never had an issue with her EVER. In fact, if she apologized to me right now, I would accept the apology and put it behind us. She was my friend too you know. But with how she is acting, I have a right to voice how I feel. And I wasn't saying "I've been friends longer, this isn't fair!" I was saying that I am his oldest friend in terms of years known, and most loyal. And that is coming from him, not just me saying that. I am aware life is different for him now that he has a family, and not once did I feel like his friends should come first. Also, I don't "come over and demand spending time." If you actually read what I wrote, you'd know that he lives in another state. I'm not taking plane flights down to Florida every weekend. Also, I am not always bringing up this topic, or drama in general. The last time we spoke about this was when I came to visit him back in May. The reason I made this thread was because we were chatting on the phone the other day, when suddenly the dynamic changed. And it was because she had come home and was making nasty comments on the other end.
It's funny how you spew all of this nonsense because you're all up in your feelings, yet how is it that I can hangout with his brother and his wife, or just his brother, and not have this issue? Mind you his brother has a kid, and owns his own business. Also, why is that both his brother and his wife feel the same way about her? His brother constantly tells me that he wishes he'd divorce her because he could better. And if we're going to do the "honestly, you sound like" bit, then you sound like the wife who is controlling and dictates what her husband can and can't do at all times.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Dude...you came on here asking for advice. People give it and you attack them? All the people in this thread are attempting to do is respond to your request for advice. Just take it and move on; no need to get so defensive.
No, but this person in particular never has anything to contribute except responding back attacking and belittling people. I have seen it countless times. She does it to me a lot. But God forbid she gets a dose of her own medicine. Don't dish it out if you can't take it.
Stop the trips. They've obviously become unenjoyable at this point - you're not enjoying it, he's obviously not enjoying it, and she's not enjoying it - so it's time to start taking trips elsewhere. Let the friendship fade to phone conversations but invite him to take a weekend trip to your location, or a neutral location.
Yeah that's what I have decided to do. I was talking about it with my girlfriend last night and we have agreed to not go down there anymore, unless things change.
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