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My best friend's wife has had an issue with me for the past year now, and it's getting worse. It all started when she began to make assumptions that I was hooking up with one of her cousins. All she has to go on is both of us checking into a local bar to see a band perform one Saturday night. It's so childish and stupid. I wasn't even the one who had the idea to go. Another friend of mine had the idea, we like the band, so we decided to go. I have never done anything with her cousin. I also don't talk to her on social media either. This all stems back from our high school years when her cousin tried making a move on me at my friend's wife's birthday party. I never made a move back, and while she was mad, she came to her senses and finally believed me. I have tried to reach out to her and talk to her like two mature adults, but no luck. My friend has talked to her, but it was the bare minimum; he told me he didn't care about this and didn't want to get involved. What's worse is they live in another state, and we kind of made it routine thing of me coming down once a year to visit. He would take the week off, and we would plan a bunch of fun things to do once I came to visit. His wife made it very difficult to hangout with him this year, and I almost cut my trip short because of it. We were all supposed to get lunch the day I flew in, yet she changed her mind last minute, and took their daughter with her and spent the day with her instead. She also made him cancel the beach day we had planned, and made him stay home the night me, him, and his brother were going to the movies.
She was rude and made nasty comments to me the whole time I was down there. I ignored her the hole time and kept my distance. I asked him once more to please talk to him, because if anyone could get through to her, it would be him. He told me that he said his peace a while ago and wasn't getting into it again. I came home from that trip feeling hurt and upset. I have also noticed that he will only talk on the phone if he's by himself, because the one time we were on the phone and his wife was home, she flipped out and made him hang up. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but if this is how his wife is going to be, I don't see a point in continuing this friendship anymore. I don't want to spend money on a plane ticket and a hotel room just to have someone wanting me to turn around and head back home. What should I do?
She doesn't like you and/or thinks your bad for your friend. I doubt it has anything to do with the cousin at this point. You can ask her what her problem with you is, and you may or may not be able to get through to her. But if not, I agree that it will be very challenging to maintain the friendship.
If your friend isn't willing to defend you and your friendship, what's the point of remaining friends? As others have said, he will choose peace in his marriage over you. It doesn't seem that time has softened her opinion of you and it's highly unlikely that will ever change. He's not going to go against her. Fade out.
My best friend's wife has had an issue with me for the past year now, and it's getting worse. It all started when she began to make assumptions that I was hooking up with one of her cousins. All she has to go on is both of us checking into a local bar to see a band perform one Saturday night. It's so childish and stupid. I wasn't even the one who had the idea to go. Another friend of mine had the idea, we like the band, so we decided to go. I have never done anything with her cousin. I also don't talk to her on social media either. This all stems back from our high school years when her cousin tried making a move on me at my friend's wife's birthday party. I never made a move back, and while she was mad, she came to her senses and finally believed me. I have tried to reach out to her and talk to her like two mature adults, but no luck. My friend has talked to her, but it was the bare minimum; he told me he didn't care about this and didn't want to get involved. What's worse is they live in another state, and we kind of made it routine thing of me coming down once a year to visit. He would take the week off, and we would plan a bunch of fun things to do once I came to visit. His wife made it very difficult to hangout with him this year, and I almost cut my trip short because of it. We were all supposed to get lunch the day I flew in, yet she changed her mind last minute, and took their daughter with her and spent the day with her instead. She also made him cancel the beach day we had planned, and made him stay home the night me, him, and his brother were going to the movies.
She was rude and made nasty comments to me the whole time I was down there. I ignored her the hole time and kept my distance. I asked him once more to please talk to him, because if anyone could get through to her, it would be him. He told me that he said his peace a while ago and wasn't getting into it again. I came home from that trip feeling hurt and upset. I have also noticed that he will only talk on the phone if he's by himself, because the one time we were on the phone and his wife was home, she flipped out and made him hang up. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but if this is how his wife is going to be, I don't see a point in continuing this friendship anymore. I don't want to spend money on a plane ticket and a hotel room just to have someone wanting me to turn around and head back home. What should I do?
You should stop pretending that the wife is the villain here. That she's made him do things he didn't want to do.
Your friendship is over. It happensModerator cut: delete
Last edited by Miss Blue; 09-24-2019 at 09:27 AM..
Reason: unnecessary remark to this thread
You should stop pretending that the wife is the villain here. That she's made him do things he didn't want to do.
Your friendship is over. It happens.Moderator cut: delete
Moderator cut: delete
We had planned days when I came down, and her immature temper tantrums are why the plans got cancelled. Sorry sweetheart, but I am the victim in this case, and I never considered her a villain. But she has become a very mean person. She used to be a very fun and outgoing person to be around. Years ago, all of that changed. She's also on meds for bi-polar disorder and has some anger issues, which is actually a reason why a few of his oither friends bowed out from their friendship with him.
If my friend is "tired of my drama," then why did he call me the other day to talk and see how things are going in my life? Maybe she does have other reasons as to why she hates me now, don't know. All I know is that I have proven to be a loyal friend to the both of them. I have loaned them money in the past, given them rides when their cars were in the shop, bought them numerous gifts for her baby shower when they were expecting their first child, and have shared countless birthdays, holidays, and family get-togethers with them. His brother and his wife can't stand her either, so I'm not alone.
Last edited by DK736; 09-24-2019 at 09:37 AM..
Reason: off topic response
She doesn't like you and/or thinks your bad for your friend. I doubt it has anything to do with the cousin at this point. You can ask her what her problem with you is, and you may or may not be able to get through to her. But if not, I agree that it will be very challenging to maintain the friendship.
I have tried to reach out but she deflects. I have done my part and am not going to keep contacting her. Maybe it is more, maybe not. His brother and his wife live next door since it's a split house, and his brother said he is ready to kick them out since he owns the property. I asked him why, and he said every other night all he can hear through the walls is her yelling and starting fights. They have woken up their kid a few times, to which he told me he had to go over there and knock on the door and told her to cut the ****.
She made him, she made him, she made him.
It sounds like your buddy got married and you want it to be business as usual by spending your vacation with the boys while she is allowed to hang around or not. You are the fifth wheel on that car.
She made him, she made him, she made him.
It sounds like your buddy got married and you want it to be business as usual by spending your vacation with the boys while she is allowed to hang around or not. You are the fifth wheel on that car.
Wrong. Yeah, we did plan a guys day, but the other times, his brother and his wife were coming too. She was invited as well. She is always invited and I never had an issue with that. My girlfriend wasn't able to take the time off this year, but his wife did this to us when she came down with me last year as well.
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