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I have written the highlighted based on my own experience. Just because most of you are the best female friends anyone can possibly get doesn't mean my experience is any less true or my opinion is any less valid.
I fully expect a post blaming me for the experience I had with my female friends.
Then you should've said "in my experience" instead of making sweeping generalizations. And maybe if this is a constant theme in your female interactions, the problem lies with you.
As a man I think women are a little better at building and maintaining friendships.
I know some guy friends and they have almost no need for friendship beyond their wife and kids. I know other guys who pretty much have no friends at all.
I do think women typically are more social and try and keep their social network more in touch.
That said, there's not much difference. As a generality, most people lack any kind of loyalty towards friendship.
My girlfriends' friends are pretty terrible. They never reach out to her or attempt to hang out and they don't even have kids.
My friends IMO are slightly better. But that's not a consequence of sex.
I have always felt that the kind of friendship men have with their buddies is way more genuine than what women have with other women. Even when I was growing up, I could sense that girls always tried to compete, were less willing to help out a friend (homework etc), picked friends based on superficialities (beauty, grades, how rich your parents were).
Now as an adult, my perception hasn't changed much. I don't think women are genuinely happy for their female friends and want the best for them. When they feel threatened in anyway, they don't hesitate to throw you under the bus. If nothing else, there is this subconscious competition they have going on with you, from how pretty you might be compared to them to who gets wife-ed up first and by who etc.
I am sure there might be jealousies and egos with male friendship too, but despite that I still think men are willing to go to the lengths for their male friends that they wouldn't even for their women.
I guess I want to know what do men compete on with their 'friends'?
Well, coincidentally enough, the first thing that comes to my mind is their:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
This is all poppycock. Completely ridiculous, and down right wrong.
Question: If a man gets ill and is bedridden, and needs help going to the bathroom, or if a woman gets ill and is bedridden & needs help going to the bathroom....whose same-sex friend will rush to help first?
(Hint: I feel sorry for the man, unless he has a spouse/partner.)
Thank you for making my point. Women define friendship by needs.
You are definitely an exception to the norm, very few women would go to the extent you did for your best friend. One of my really close friends left me on my own me when I needed a ride home after I came out on her insistence. I mean its nothing major but it bugged for many days because I am not someone who asks for a favor or to inconvenience someone. What I learned from that is to not depend on anyone, especially friends.
So you've had a couple bad experiences with friends and want to paint everyone with the same brush?
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Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell
You don't understand friendships among men, which are indeed very different. Women define friendships by their needs, while men define friendships by shared experience and loyalty.
And you understand women's friendships how? No, I mean, I'm actually interested in knowing at what point you were a woman with female friends. Otherwise, I fail to see how you can perfectly understand what female friendships are like, but somehow women can't understand what male friendships are like, so do explain.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joey2k
My observations match the OP's. When men and women interact we get drama, disagreements, and misunderstandings. When women interact with other women we see similar drama and cattiness. When men interact with men, they generally get along unless someone really crosses a line.
What's the common denominator where the trouble is concerned?
Oh, I have seen groups of men trash-talk someone behind their back, and when the person shows up five minutes later, it's "Oh hey Bob, how are you, how was your weekend" blah blah as if nothing happened. LIKE HELL men don't gossip and backbite.
Quote:
Originally Posted by damnuluck
I have written the highlighted based on my own experience. Just because most of you are the best female friends anyone can possibly get doesn't mean my experience is any less true or my opinion is any less valid.
I fully expect a post blaming me for the experience I had with my female friends.
So, now you are admitting that it is only *in your own experience* that you have had bad luck, but you're still going to defend your generalizations of ALL women based on A FEW you have known. Okay. Have fun with that, I guess.
I think it just comes down to what kind of person they are regardless of gender. If you are genuine and real that will show through your friendship. If someone is fake and doesn't truly care or isn't happy for your well being or success because they are jealous that will also show. It's truly hard to find good quality people and genuine friendships are rare to come by. It doesn't matter about the gender. You have to be cautious of who your friends are if you feel they are so envious of you, it may be time to find new friends. If they talk badly about others to you chances are high they talk badly about you behind your back as well. It all comes down to the specific person they are as an individual.
Blessed to had been raised in a family with 5 brothers. Two things held true: they had physical strength to duke out their territory and they had the insane ability five minutes later to be laughing it off. I considered it bizarre. Hey let's just beat each other up and be cool later!
To this day most carry that habit in friendship into "business" and life. Guess they don't hold grudges or emotional garbage...cuz it's ridden when they get violent and release it..
I'm in my mid 50's so most of the guys who.I am friends with have relinquished that style of resolution. I now marvel at their brief conversations . Almost comical as they have this male language of : hey I told the Mrs not to use that tool. And we know where that conversation went. The other friend nods and says simply : yup! Sure do. Then they laugh. So brief yet ..powerful. I admire that they get each other without all the murky detail banter.
My friendships are encompassed with male and female friends . I don't think I'd make a good "male " friend though I hang with them on projects. I don't think I'm in the all girls club either. I've had the unfortunate scenarios of the cut throat back stabbing behavior. Give though a true friend who encourages..endorses and sometimes sheds light on flaws to improve.
I have written the highlighted based on my own experience. Just because most of you are the best female friends anyone can possibly get doesn't mean my experience is any less true or my opinion is any less valid.
I fully expect a post blaming me for the experience I had with my female friends.
I'll be the loner who will side with you, OP. At least half of my female friends have thrown me under the bus for one reason or another. Yet I have never said or done anything unpleasant to them.
Maybe we've just had bad luck. Can't speak for the men (except DH who seems to have no need for friends---satisfied with casual acquaintances) but that is my story.
At the point where I don't want or need any more "friends"....
In my opinion, I'd say your assessments are correct. Men are genuine to each other. Women are sensitive and will fight over frivolous things and backstab each other for what they want.
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