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What the OP says was true in my immediate family growing up. It was not my experience in most other families though and definitely not my experience in my adult life. My family was just very disfunctional and mostly females as a child.
I have always felt that the kind of friendship men have with their buddies is way more genuine than what women have with other women. Even when I was growing up, I could sense that girls always tried to compete, were less willing to help out a friend (homework etc), picked friends based on superficialities (beauty, grades, how rich your parents were).
Now as an adult, my perception hasn't changed much. I don't think women are genuinely happy for their female friends and want the best for them. When they feel threatened in anyway, they don't hesitate to throw you under the bus. If nothing else, there is this subconscious competition they have going on with you, from how pretty you might be compared to them to who gets wife-ed up first and by who etc.
I am sure there might be jealousies and egos with male friendship too, but despite that I still think men are willing to go to the lengths for their male friends that they wouldn't even for their women.
I guess I want to know what do men compete on with their 'friends'?
Never. Females always can hit it off right off the bat. Guys are different. I have seen 20 couples meet, the females start cackling and the guys just go watch TV, but they'll watch in 3-5 groups. Each a bit different. The females will hang together....
Guys do not compete unless it's for the same female or award and recognition. Other than that, they ignore each other.
Never. Females always can hit it off right off the bat. Guys are different. I have seen 20 couples meet, the females start cackling and the guys just go watch TV, but they'll watch in 3-5 groups. Each a bit different. The females will hang together....
Guys do not compete unless it's for the same female or award and recognition. Other than that, they ignore each other.
Yeah, but they're not genuinely being friendly (at least not completely). They are 1) trying to keep up social graces and appearances and 2) subtly determining a "pecking order".
I have always felt that the kind of friendship men have with their buddies is way more genuine than what women have with other women. Even when I was growing up, I could sense that girls always tried to compete, were less willing to help out a friend (homework etc), picked friends based on superficialities (beauty, grades, how rich your parents were).
Now as an adult, my perception hasn't changed much. I don't think women are genuinely happy for their female friends and want the best for them. When they feel threatened in anyway, they don't hesitate to throw you under the bus. If nothing else, there is this subconscious competition they have going on with you, from how pretty you might be compared to them to who gets wife-ed up first and by who etc.
I am sure there might be jealousies and egos with male friendship too, but despite that I still think men are willing to go to the lengths for their male friends that they wouldn't even for their women.
I guess I want to know what do men compete on with their 'friends'?
I think younger women are competitive and catty but as they mature they'll drop some of that.
Some.
Men, OTOH ... their friendships are often based on three things ... 1) drinking and hitting on women, 2) sports, and 3) drinking and hitting on women.
So, when there's no need for those things (marriage and kids come along) I find a lot of male friendships erode fairly quickly.
Hmm, this is actually a really good question. In this type of scenario, I would assume that a woman is more likely to help her female friend than a man would help his guy friend. A wife is more likely to help than a husband would. But isn't it because women are hard wired to be caretakers?
So basically you need to be near death to be well taken care of by a female friend (j/k)
That's a different discussion. Females won't rush to the hospital to help just anyone with intimate assistance. They will for friends and family. No, I don't believe women are hard wired to be caretakers. That, too, is a different discussion.
But in the context of helping a friend, women win, hands down. Men are more superficial friends...ball games, sports, laughs & drinks, "call me anytime, buddy," etc. But if you want to know who your real friends are, see who stands by you when all is lost (you've lost your job, your self esteem, your standing in the community, you're seen as a loser, you're dying from cancer,etc.). A LOT of friends of both genders will leave you high & dry, but it's more likely that more women than men will stick around. If only because men become uncomfortable during emotional times. I think women are more compassionate and empathetic. IMO.
I do not believe "friend" is used in proper manner.
real friend is VERY hard to find. My mother found her first real friend, when she turned 56 and boy, didn't she have lots of "friends" before, being in city intellectual creme de la creme. But then, she realized that all of them were just acquaintances, not friends. I lost my friend to piddly argument after 10 years of cloudless friendship and, even though we met after and played good buddies, charm was gone.
LIKE honor, generosity, justice, sincerity, truthfulness and other virtues in frequent and indiscriminate use by the unmindful, friendship is spoken of and assurances of friendship are proffered and acknowledged everywhere; but, like the other virtues, and, although it is felt in some degree by all men, it is a bond and state most rare
As Prof Fortova said, Friendship is same love, only without sexual relationship.
And how many true loves have you found in your lives?
That in mind, OP, I think you may review your question. As you, most likely, refer to buddying and paling, and socializing, but none much more. In in relationships so feeble, anything goes, for men and women.
I have girlfriends and I have girl acquaintances. I know the difference for who is a true friend and who I'm friends with but don't totally trust.
I am VERY close to my close friends and would never throw them under any bus. Ever. In fact wouldn't throw anyone under the bus. That's not the kind of person I am.
My husband has a few very close male friends, (as close as male friends go) They rarely, if ever discuss personal or private things that are bothering them, whereas my girlfriends and I do. That's what girlfriends are for... to support each other.
OP, I can understand why you posted what you did. I have no real close friends after going through petty jealousies and bitchiness with several women. I've always been somewhat of a loner anyhow, so it's no skin off my teeth to be in the company of my aunt, mother, brother, or fiance. I prefer them anyway.
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Are men better friends to other men than women are to other women?
