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All my life I had people talk over me. I have no idea why, because I've been told I am interesting as is my conversation. I remember talking to a rep at work one day, we were deep in conversation, and one of the other workers came up and started talking to him as if I wasn't there. I don't know, I hesitate to interrupt even if it's important. I would never dream of starting a "hey how are you" conversation with someone who is already talking to someone else.
I am technically an introvert, but sometimes you can get me talking and I don't shut up either. Doesn't happen often though.
My "favorite" is a guy at one of my jobs. This guy can talk for hours and hours. Once I broke in because he said something I actually had a comment on, and he told me he couldn't take me interrupting him. Talk about one sided!! So now I rarely answer the phone when he calls, and if I do I set the timer, which he assumes is a phone call coming in when he hears it.
I have another friend who also talks nonstop and will jump from topic to topic. I don't even try to keep up. Any attempt to be a part of the conversation just doesn't work. I've seen him do it to others too, it's just the way he is.
I listen a lot when I'm with people, then go home and recharge. For a long time lol
I should probably clarify, too, that there are also people who simply talk a lot, but aren't the same type who interrupt and don't ask you about yourself. With them, it is indeed a two-sided conversation... it's just that when it's their turn, they can go on for three times as long as you can! These I don't really place into the narcissism camp... they just have a lot to talk about, lol (or, a little to talk about a lot of different ways...). To me, this type are usually only a problem if I don't have a lot of time to talk and will have to cut them off awkwardly. With the other kind, it always makes me wonder if they only care about themselves, or if they find me boring, or somesuch.
The people I know who monopolize the conversation and hold you hostage to hear them, have been people who live alone, at least in my experience. (Or people who don’t “get out”) I wonder if this causes the problem or makes it worse... they save up all their communication and unload it on whoever they can??
You may be on to something.
From a research study:
"Loneliness increases self-centeredness, research conducted over more than a decade indicates, and, to a lesser extent, self-centeredness also increases loneliness.
The findings show such effects create a positive feedback loop between the two traits: As increased loneliness heightens self-centeredness, the latter then contributes further to enhance loneliness. "
There's a deeper meaning to non-stop, insensitive talkers. I had read one time that people who do this have a lot stored up unexpressed anger and it's their way of letting off steam.
Always remember: the silent types think most highly of themselves.
The people I know who monopolize the conversation and hold you hostage to hear them, have been people who live alone, at least in my experience. (Or people who don’t “get out”) I wonder if this causes the problem or makes it worse... they save up all their communication and unload it on whoever they can??
All my life I had people talk over me. I have no idea why, because I've been told I am interesting as is my conversation. I remember talking to a rep at work one day, we were deep in conversation, and one of the other workers came up and started talking to him as if I wasn't there. I don't know, I hesitate to interrupt even if it's important. I would never dream of starting a "hey how are you" conversation with someone who is already talking to someone else.
I am technically an introvert, but sometimes you can get me talking and I don't shut up either. Doesn't happen often though.
My "favorite" is a guy at one of my jobs. This guy can talk for hours and hours. Once I broke in because he said something I actually had a comment on, and he told me he couldn't take me interrupting him. Talk about one sided!! So now I rarely answer the phone when he calls, and if I do I set the timer, which he assumes is a phone call coming in when he hears it.
I have another friend who also talks nonstop and will jump from topic to topic. I don't even try to keep up. Any attempt to be a part of the conversation just doesn't work. I've seen him do it to others too, it's just the way he is.
I listen a lot when I'm with people, then go home and recharge. For a long time lol
I've been in that situation, deep in a conversation with another. (And a person should be able to tell by body language that two people are deep in conversation. -- if they observe.)
And the 3rd person will start up a conversation, as if we were just sitting there in silence.
There is one person in my ex-lunch group who does this constantly. As well as she monopolizes conversation. And repeats herself. And can only talk about her relatives, her life.
If the conversation turns to current events, for example, she will bring the conversation back to her aunt. I suspect she cannot speak about abstract topics or complex topics, and so brings the conversation back to something she can talk about - and no one can contradict her -- like her aunt!
If she is not at the lunch table, the group is pleasant. Every one talks - some more, some less, that is how people are. If she is there, she alone talks, and no one but me seems to mind.
Which is why I referred to the group as my "ex-lunch group". I rarely go, I do not like fighting for room to speak.
And yet, she has a "heart of gold". I have learned over the years that if someone is in the hospital, she is the person who will visit them regularly. If I need a ride, she is always happy to.
so I take her for what she is.
The funny thing is - I just thought of this -- when we are not in a group, when it is just the 2 of us - she does not monopolize, it is a normal conversation. So something in the group situation sets her off.
But honestly, bottom line, I don't care. I'm trying to take people as they are.
I should probably clarify, too, that there are also people who simply talk a lot, but aren't the same type who interrupt and don't ask you about yourself. With them, it is indeed a two-sided conversation... it's just that when it's their turn, they can go on for three times as long as you can! These I don't really place into the narcissism camp... they just have a lot to talk about, lol (or, a little to talk about a lot of different ways...). To me, this type are usually only a problem if I don't have a lot of time to talk and will have to cut them off awkwardly. With the other kind, it always makes me wonder if they only care about themselves, or if they find me boring, or somesuch.
I agree. I have a friend who is very verbal. I am just the opposite of her in conversation style..I take a while to formulate my thoughts, I can absorb information in small amounts.
She is rather rapid-fire talker, but she knows it.
She often stops.. -- perhaps I have a pained look on my face, lol.... and says, "oh, I'm going on about this aren't I", and I'll say yes.
and I have explained to her my conversation style, not as a criticism of her, but as a different style. So she understands, and is aware.
She'll still talk longer than I am comfortable with, but I recognize, it is not like she is wrong, or I am wrong - it is merely different styles, and we manage to communicate pretty well. And no judgement or anger.
And as K12144 says - some people have a lot to talk about. And with this friend (above) she does a lot, thinks a lot, she is a professor, she has a lot of knowledge and a lot of opinions. (I do too, lol.)
so I value her friendship, and I can tolerate sometimes being exhausted.
As another poster said, often with her-- even though I love her -- when I am home alone, I must re-charge.
I've been friends with this person for some 10 years. It would be easier if this was a new friendship, I could say my piece.
But now I feel like, if I say my piece, she will feel offended that I didn't express this before.
My "piece" is that I process conversation differently than some others do.
(I only realized this recently).
When a person comes at me with a barrage of words, I mentally turn away. I shut them off.
It's like a baby, some babies when they get overstimulated they will have an outburst, or try to get out of the situation.
For me, I used to think-- don't be rude, just concentrate and listen to the other person.
Then I realized that it depends on the other's mode of conversation. If a person speaks not too loudly, and in short segments, and gives me time to catch up, I'm ok.
but if someone talks in a long stream, the image comes to mind like a machine gun-- rat a tat tat. - not taking a breath, no matter how hard I try, I cannot stay focused. I will interrupt them not bec. I want to say something,but just to make them stop.
This particular friend, she starts talking when she lays eye on the other person, and doesn't stop for a long time. It's irksome. It's not that she doesn't have interesting things to say. She does. It's not that she is narcissistic, she will ask me a question about myself, and she asks questions that show she does listen in those few seconds when I talk. But i'll start to answer, and then boom, we're off to the races again.
I feel like I can hardly breathe when I think about it.
So - anybody have any similar experience when it comes to auditory processing?
I process more slower than some people, and I need to find a way to let others know. I hate that with some people that I really like conversation becomes a battle ground, where I'm trying to be heard, and feeling like I'm being run-over.
Your friend absolutely has some form on mental disorder. YES. I have had a very similar experience with a relative, you turns every conversation into a monologue.
The person you describe could be bi-polar - "pressure of speech" is one of the hallmarks of the manic phase of PBD.
It could be other mental health issues, also.
From my personal experience, I know how difficult it is to deal with these "non stop talkers". It seems as thought they never come up for air" and having a relationship is just very difficult.
You described it so well - "Like a machine gun".
This person needs mental health services and a thorough evaluation. In my experience, it is VERY difficult to get them to submit to this. They usually think that people who do not listen are "not compassionate" or "Selfish".
If the conversation turns to current events, for example, she will bring the conversation back to her aunt. I suspect she cannot speak about abstract topics or complex topics, and so brings the conversation back to something she can talk about - and no one can contradict her -- like her aunt!
She can't, or she won't? Some people try not to talk about hot-button topics, especially in groups, because it can devolve so quickly. It may be her attempt to change the subject, and may simply be an awkward way of doing so (or, maybe she thinks if she dominates the conversation, it can't change back to something controversial).
But yes, like her, the friend I refer to also is a really nice, fun, likeable person. It just seems it's in that one thing they are very self-centered; it's odd. (Or, again, it's possible I'm the only person they do it with because they don't think anything I have to say is interesting, so they figure they might as well do all the talking.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittenSparkles
You may be on to something.
From a research study:
"Loneliness increases self-centeredness, research conducted over more than a decade indicates, and, to a lesser extent, self-centeredness also increases loneliness.
The findings show such effects create a positive feedback loop between the two traits: As increased loneliness heightens self-centeredness, the latter then contributes further to enhance loneliness. "
I don't know that it's self-centeredness. If it's a matter of "getting it all out," then it's no more self-centered than anyone else talking. If Bob and Jim both want to tell people about 4 things that happened to them, and Bob talks to 4 people and tells each of them 1 thing, and Jim talks to one person tells that person 4 things... they both did the same amount of talking. Simply that one did it in a clump, and the other did it spread out.
thanks for your empathy, but I have none for your ideology.
You would medicalize every condition.
A Person has behavior traits, some we like, some we don't. Some we live with, some we can't.
There are extreme mental states, there is extreme mental pain, anxiety, pressure all those things exist.
Extreme mental states or extreme emotional states or extreme psychological states are not an illness the way TB for example is.
And should not be so labeled. Labeling any mental trait we do not like as "mental illness" is a way of putting people into a box.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12
Your friend absolutely has some form on mental disorder. YES. I have had a very similar experience with a relative, you turns every conversation into a monologue.
The person you describe could be bi-polar - "pressure of speech" is one of the hallmarks of the manic phase of PBD.
It could be other mental health issues, also.
From my personal experience, I know how difficult it is to deal with these "non stop talkers". It seems as thought they never come up for air" and having a relationship is just very difficult.
You described it so well - "Like a machine gun".
This person needs mental health services and a thorough evaluation. In my experience, it is VERY difficult to get them to submit to this. They usually think that people who do not listen are "not compassionate" or "Selfish".
I can really empathize with your plight.
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Talk about one sided!! So now I rarely answer the phone when he calls, and if I do I set the timer, which he assumes is a phone call coming in when he hears it.
