what to do with a compulsive talker, someone I really like

[ellenrr]

Originally Posted by K12144

She can't, or she won't? Some people try not to talk about hot-button topics, especially in groups, because it can devolve so quickly. It may be her attempt to change the subject, and may simply be an awkward way of doing so (or, maybe she thinks if she dominates the conversation, it can't change back to something controversial).

In the case of this person she (and any of us in this group) do not shy away from "controversial" topics.
We don't mind disagreeing, sharing different viewpoints.
No.. I think -- (of course I don't know this - I am not in her head), but based on some of her character traits I think she stays on familiar, mundane, superficial topics like her aunt, bec. she does not have the intellectual capacity to talk about more abstract issues.
But that is just my opinion.

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[carnelian]

This sounds rude, but if you are on the phone, when she starts ranting,
put the phone down, go do something else, get a snack maybe and come back.
She will still be talking. Keep this up until she stops. Then say,-- Oh really, sure.
I have done this with long monologues of topics I have no interest in.

In person, you can use the old excuse of not feeling well. No one likes to be told
to stop talking so much, and changing the subject is often rude.
I have been at both ends of this discussion.

[Sonic_Spork]

I can be guilty of over-talking. There have been phone calls where I've realized after the fact that I went on and on, and didn't really find out much about what the other person was up to, at all.

In my case, I'm a story-teller. I can turn any little mundane thing into a story with a beginning, middle, end, sometimes a punchline. But it's performance, see, because of fearful insecurity that if people find me boring, they won't like me. It's also why I tend to have a hundred friends who transition in and out of my life at a shallow level, rather than a few deep friends...I feel that if I ever run out of stories, if they get to know me too well, they'll get bored. Because the real me...isn't that interesting, really. And whatever one has to do to be that interesting for real, is either too expensive or too dangerous, I'm pretty sure. My stories are not lies, or even embellishments. They're just life events worded in ways to create suspense or comedic, performative, dramatization. People usually seem to like it. I don't dominate all conversations, but some I do. And I try very hard to be aware of nonverbal cues that inform me if someone no longer wants to be there, talking to me, too.

But that's just it...I do care. And I think some people who do this, might have various reasons for it, like in my case, how interactions with parents and others went when I was a child. So if I had a friend who felt the way you do, I would 100% want them to tell me what you said in your first post. That I am making you feel "run over" and all that. In fact it would come as a bit of relief...like you telling me, "You can just relax you know, you don't have to be wearing the storyteller hat all the time, you don't need to entertain me." I would take it that way. It would feel very good, believe it or not.

Unfortunately, not everyone who does this kind of thing, does it for the same reason...and some might be offended by what you have to say, or simply have no idea how to process it or be unable to change their behavior. I know a man who, no matter how often others have complained about it, talks over everyone. He silences even me. He can go on for hours and hours. And he has no empathy and no ability to read cues, so you can be edging away from him like you're politely trying to escape a fire and he won't stop. I once said on the phone to him, "I don't really have time to discuss this, I've got to get back to work" and he replied, "Huh. Well I've got plenty of time" and then carried right on.

So I don't presume to call your friend a narcissist or whatever, I don't really know what her underlying motivation, let alone pathology, might be. But I think a true friend would want to know how you feel, because a true friend probably cares how you feel, and how they make you feel.

[LesLucid]

When I was dating decades ago, I met a lady I liked quite a bit except for one thing. She talked incessantly. She didn’t have an unpleasant voice, wasn’t loud but it was just a constant stream of talk. I would sometimes just sit and stare trying to figure out how she could keep thinking of things to say but it appeared effortless for her. I remember waking up beside her in bed one morning and just looking at her, resting. I was thinking how weird it was to see her quiet and not talking. The very second she woke up, it started. There were a lot of things I liked about her but that was just a no go, I couldn't live with that.