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I would have found that interesting. I would have asked what her family did to keep food items cool. I would have learned something.
It could be that OP’s SIL grew up during or shortly after the war- they did not have a fridge for a year or two?
Unless, they did not need the fridge?
Some of my friends in Europe shop daily if they don’t go out and cook at home that night.
The only things I saw in their fridge were bottled water and beer, not even milk/ cream for coffee as they are taking it black.
Europeans do not use ice cubes as much as we do here.
If someone lives in the house outside of towns- they might have a cold cellar for vegetables, home made hams, etc
I can see that some could get by without a fridge...
Conceivably, now everyone is having a fridge - I guess the comments about “not having a fridge” was made in a sense that whatever the problem the OP was having with the LL- it was not a big deal worth moving out from apartment according to the SIL’s point of view?
That means the SIL has expressed her opinion as asked?
Hard to tell as we have a limited information.
Visited an average middle class family in Spain in the mid 1980s--they had just gotten a refrigerator and it sat in the entry hall, mainly for leftovers. Even after they got it, they kept eggs and milk sitting out in the kitchen as they had always done. Milk bc it was fresh from the cow and they scalded it before use and the eggs bc they were fresh also and were fine for several days.
Op, I get your perspective. Minus the SIL being sensitive. Clearly sensitivity would have a bit of empathy for the matter at hand. She bore none. So let's go with the less then in tune to another's concerns.
When addressing a concern a bit of .. hey I know how you might have felt being (insert concern). Works wonders.
Pragmatic processors ( a trait common in some culture upbringing ) might hinder the open conversation. Yet address it anyway. Maybe educate on how in your environment you like things operable and repaired . It's being a responsible adult to convey when something needs accommodated.
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Well, I guess none of us know what your relationship is like, or the tone the comment was said in.
But it's very common in my community when people start complaining (Central Texas) that their Air Conditioning went out and they're going to have to wait 2 days for the repair guy, someone will say remember when we were in Jr. High and the school wasn't air conditioned? And we started school in August?
And I swear, I've never seen anyone take offense at that. It's just something to about the misery of being without AC.
Sorry, OP. I know what you mean. You soon learn who is capable of give-and-take conversations and who is not. We have a friend here who no matter what the subject is, says:
"That never happens to me" (re some tech glitch or other problem).
It's a weird and tiresome form of one-upping over and over.
Another time I was recounting some real estate selling problems and was told by a friend:
"We've had good luck in real estate and you haven't".
Some folks just have no empathy so don't share personal stuff with them. Keep it light; keep it all about THEM.
I have found some people have lived relatively small, sheltered lives and see minor problems as more than what they are. As a dear, well-respected colleague would say to someone who came to him with what he felt were trivial complaints, "you mistake me for someone who cares." Don't presume everyone cares about your problems.
Yeah, pass up on that urge. People share like-experiences with others to convey empathy. Empathy is being helpful. If she's the type that always has one-up stories, well that's different.
I agree— the fridge comment appeared to me as her way of saying “I know how you feel—we didn’t have a fridge in our place and it sucks to not have what you need.”
Since OP doesn’t really know the intention of the statement, why assume it was a dig? Let it go. Embrace the positive!
Sorry, OP. I know what you mean. You soon learn who is capable of give-and-take conversations and who is not. We have a friend here who no matter what the subject is, says:
"That never happens to me" (re some tech glitch or other problem).
It's a weird and tiresome form of one-upping over and over.
Another time I was recounting some real estate selling problems and was told by a friend:
"We've had good luck in real estate and you haven't".
Some folks just have no empathy so don't share personal stuff with them. Keep it light; keep it all about THEM.
If someone asked me over to their apartment because they wanted me to decide for them whether or not they should move out, that's a "take" conversation, not give-and-take. They asked me there for purely selfish purposes, not because they wanted the pleasure of my company.
I live with someone whose anxiety and poor executive function prevents him from making decisions, even minor ones, much of the time. It is exhausting having to be a guide dog for another person because they cannot choose between A and B.
I wouldn't be surprised if those in the OP's immediate circle are similarly burned out.
Haha, I used to live in a big South American city, and I was speaking to an older neighbor about the dead dogs left rotting on the street. She said, "Oh honey when I was a kid, it was the dead horses." We both laughed!
Different cultures, different perspectives. We had a young man from India studying to be a counseling social worker at my job. One day he complained about the kinds of worries his patients were bringing to him. He said, "Those women should be grateful they are in the States. In my country they are still burning women."
I wanted to swat him with a newspaper and tell him to go home and help those women. Some things don't translate well cross-culture.
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