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I invited her to help me make a decision about moving. I have a hard time making decisions and I wanted to lay out my options and get feed-back.
In the course of discussion, I talked about some serious problems where I live that do not get addressed by the landlord, as one reason to move.
Her response was, "In Germany (where she is from ) when I was a girl, we didn't have a frig."
I was stunned that someone would think that was a useful comment. I am very aware that probably 80% of the people in the world do not have the useful things I have, eg. electricity, shower, etc.
But if something is not working, something which we in America at least, take for granted, --the comment that she made is useless and ignorant imo.
I feel like she is saying, 'Buck up and take it.'
So at the time I didn't say anything, bec. unfortunately when I am stunned like I was, I just go blank.
Only later in thinking about it, did I think -- "That was a really unhelpful comment."
I feel this urge to share my feeling with my SIL.
But she is very sensitive, overly-sensitive, and I think my urge to share with her is probably wrong, and I should let it pass.
what do you think?
thank you in advance.
My first thought was that she was reflecting on something in her past. I do that at times. Not meaning to be disrespectful but having a flash back moment and commenting aloud.
I've never seen a rental that didn't have a refrigerator.
So what happens when you own a refrigerator. Does the building owner get rid of their refrigerator? Ovens I can see because they are usually hooked up to the gas. You can also tear down an oven and completely clean it between renters. I have never seen anyone take a refrigerator and completely clean it.The inside of the box and out side of the box gets cleaned but not anything else. Many used refrigerators have a smell to them as well. I work in a hospital and our refrigerators get cleaned all the time. When we do replace them they end up in our shop and after a few days they can smell bad, and these are units that get cleaned way more than a residential refrigerator. Also newer refrigerators are more efficient than older models. Do these building owners replace their refrigerators every 5 years?
People seem to think that just because someone has had it worse than you, at any point in time, that you lose your right to complain or have any problems. It’s ok to not be ok all of the time.
I’m going through something similar with my mother. She is the queen on condescending comments. A week & a half ago I was talking to my mother about my toddler at her (my daughters) birthday party and my mother said “You’re the only one with a toddler “ . I have been letting it bother me ever since. I’m not sure if it’s what she said or the fact that after 37 years I still let that witch get under my skin. I think I’ll just stop sending her pictures and updates of her grand child, if she’s going to act like that.
So what happens when you own a refrigerator. Does the building owner get rid of their refrigerator? Do these building owners replace their refrigerators every 5 years?
You'd have to ask every single landlord these questions. Not as if there's some universal "apartment refrigerator commandment" on the books.
Some LLs may not want a new tenant's appliance to be used in their unit...
1. Because it could be in WORSE condition than the one already in place.
2. Because the tenant might not connect one with a water dispenser to a water line correctly and cause water damage because of it.
3. Because the LL may know the "history" and maintenance record of an appliance they own and supply.
4. Because of their property insurance...it might not cover damage caused by an appliance they didn't own.
You never know what clueless tenants might decide to do with a huge kitchen appliance.
As C-3PO once said "RTD2, you know better than to trust a strange computer (er, refrigerator)".
People seem to think that just because someone has had it worse than you, at any point in time, that you lose your right to complain or have any problems. It’s ok to not be ok all of the time.
I’m going through something similar with my mother. She is the queen on condescending comments. A week & a half ago I was talking to my mother about my toddler at her (my daughters) birthday party and my mother said “You’re the only one with a toddler “ . I have been letting it bother me ever since. I’m not sure if it’s what she said or the fact that after 37 years I still let that witch get under my skin. I think I’ll just stop sending her pictures and updates of her grand child, if she’s going to act like that.
??? I'm not following how this was condescending---don't understand the context---did everyone else have younger or older kids? What's wrong with toddlers? Some of the best people started out life a couple of years after birth as toddlers!
??? I'm not following how this was condescending---don't understand the context---did everyone else have younger or older kids? What's wrong with toddlers? Some of the best people started out life a couple of years after birth as toddlers!
She was basically telling me that in talking about my daughters tantrum, I was acting like I’m the only person on the face of the planet who has a toddler. It was in a sarcastic tone. It indicates I was annoying her with my issues.
I have never rented a place with a refrigerator and would think that it would be kind of gross. Only one place around here that I know of had refrigerators and it was kind of a joke. Most of the renters already have refrigerators and would move the apartment units out on the balcony so they could get their own refrigerator in the kitchen.
Every place I've rented came with a fridge. They were all well cleaned after the previous tenants and I never found anything "gross".
So what happens when you own a refrigerator. Does the building owner get rid of their refrigerator? Ovens I can see because they are usually hooked up to the gas. You can also tear down an oven and completely clean it between renters. I have never seen anyone take a refrigerator and completely clean it.The inside of the box and out side of the box gets cleaned but not anything else. Many used refrigerators have a smell to them as well. I work in a hospital and our refrigerators get cleaned all the time. When we do replace them they end up in our shop and after a few days they can smell bad, and these are units that get cleaned way more than a residential refrigerator. Also newer refrigerators are more efficient than older models. Do these building owners replace their refrigerators every 5 years?
Okay, this is getting bizarre bordering on some used refrigerator phobia,
She was basically telling me that in talking about my daughters tantrum, I was acting like I’m the only person on the face of the planet who has a toddler. It was in a sarcastic tone. It indicates I was annoying her with my issues.
I'm sorry you drew a dud in the mother lottery.
To adopt that tone with another person is bad enough, but with her daughter? Get out of here.
You can't let the Evil Witch of Condescending Comments do that to you in front of your child. I know you know this. Time to take a step -- or two or three -- back. Grandma needs a timeout.
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. I have been letting it bother me ever since. I’m not sure if it’s what she said or the fact that after 37 years I still let that witch get under my skin. I think I’ll just stop sending her pictures and updates of her grand child, if she’s going to act like that.
