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I invited her to help me make a decision about moving. I have a hard time making decisions and I wanted to lay out my options and get feed-back.
In the course of discussion, I talked about some serious problems where I live that do not get addressed by the landlord, as one reason to move.
Her response was, "In Germany (where she is from ) when I was a girl, we didn't have a frig."
I was stunned that someone would think that was a useful comment. I am very aware that probably 80% of the people in the world do not have the useful things I have, eg. electricity, shower, etc.
But if something is not working, something which we in America at least, take for granted, --the comment that she made is useless and ignorant imo.
I feel like she is saying, 'Buck up and take it.'
So at the time I didn't say anything, bec. unfortunately when I am stunned like I was, I just go blank.
Only later in thinking about it, did I think -- "That was a really unhelpful comment."
I feel this urge to share my feeling with my SIL.
But she is very sensitive, overly-sensitive, and I think my urge to share with her is probably wrong, and I should let it pass.
what do you think?
thank you in advance.
Let it go. Nothing will come from telling her. Moderator cut: off topic
Just know moving forward that you can't go to her when you're looking for helpful feedback.
it's true - I already knew I couldn't go to her for helpful feedback.
"Hope springs eternal". I have to get that thru my head-- one should not look for help where it doesn't exist.
thanks..
Last edited by Miss Blue; 10-24-2019 at 05:17 AM..
Curious, what type of feedback did you want from her? Legal advice, going over your rental contract or state landlord laws to see what your rights are and if you can move out legally?
Depending on what you were complaining about, I can see that maybe her reply was an appropriate viewpoint, similar to pick your battles.
You said she's overly sensitive. I think you may be also. I mean, were you really stunned? A comment like that really shouldn't be so upsetting.
If she's had a hard life, and you're complaining about relatively trivial problems, I can understand why she would say that. It puts things in perspective. Some of us, myself included, often take for granted how fortunate we are.
Having said that, I can totally understand where you're coming from in terms of expecting stuff in your apartment to work properly. I just don't understand why her comment bothered you so much.
Having said that, I can totally understand where you're coming from in terms of expecting stuff in your apartment to work properly.
Having just had this discussion with my spouse yesterday...
The water heater went out yesterday morning. He started having kittens. I told him to calm down, we would work together to get the situation resolved. Still, he complained at least once an hour about how awful and unfair it was that his day had been ruined by this. (He's retired, BTW.). I told him, "Things break. Nothing lasts forever. We deal with it. This is life."
I don't particularly enjoy having to get after and stay after the people who are responsible for repairing things. But it has to be done. One may prefer to remain in an unhappy passive state, as the OP often does when she runs into issues with other people, but that won't get anything fixed. Nor will transferring one's anger to a SIL over an innocent remark.
I invited her to help me make a decision about moving. I have a hard time making decisions and I wanted to lay out my options and get feed-back.
In the course of discussion, I talked about some serious problems where I live that do not get addressed by the landlord, as one reason to move.
Her response was, "In Germany (where she is from ) when I was a girl, we didn't have a frig."
I was stunned that someone would think that was a useful comment. I am very aware that probably 80% of the people in the world do not have the useful things I have, eg. electricity, shower, etc.
But if something is not working, something which we in America at least, take for granted, --the comment that she made is useless and ignorant imo.
I feel like she is saying, 'Buck up and take it.'
So at the time I didn't say anything, bec. unfortunately when I am stunned like I was, I just go blank.
Only later in thinking about it, did I think -- "That was a really unhelpful comment."
I feel this urge to share my feeling with my SIL.
But she is very sensitive, overly-sensitive, and I think my urge to share with her is probably wrong, and I should let it pass.
what do you think?
thank you in advance.
I think you're right that you should let it go. Sounds like you're overly sensitive too.
Find someone else to discuss issues with who might actually be able to help.
If difficulty with decision making is negatively affecting your life, seek professional help so you can learn to control your own life and not depend on others who may give you unhelpful or even damaging advice.
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