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The person is old, but that has nothing to do with it, so I am posting here.
It's an ex - the power is out in some parts of California, so this ex was kind enough to allow me to come over and take a shower while he was staying elsewhere.
During a power outage a few years ago, I did the same thing (and had the same problem).
His house is FILTHY - the bathtub was black - since I noticed this before, I came prepared with cleaning supplies and bleach. A full bottle of bleach did not get rid of the black scum in the bottom of the tub.
Every surface was filthy. I had to clean counter space just to set my towel down.
You can't tell by simply visiting how filthy everything is - because there is a surface presentation that looks okay - it's just that everything is scummy and has a film and there is hair everywhere - and dirty towels set out on counters (visibly black).
This person is very nice guy and is very popular.
The last time I came to shower, several years ago, I was so distressed, that I convinced him to hire one of my friends to clean his house. She charged $100. I am thinking it would be more like $400 today. He needs at least 15 hours at $25 per hour . . .
I opened a closet (yeah, I am nosy and he knows it) and there was stuffed just jammed in there - his way of straightening up is to just open the closet and throw stuff in there. His office was piled with papers (has been retired for years).
He is a hypochondriac AND has had health issues (had stroke a few years ago and seems to have recovered 100%).
I say this has nothing to do with old age because I know this guy. He is a Nine on the Enneagram (which can be sluggish and in denial). He is very set in his ways and does the same things at the same times every day. He has always been like that.
So my question is how to motivate him to pay someone to clean his house. Because of his laziness and rigidity about doing the same thing every day (basically watching TV), it will be a struggle. He actually needs someone to go through every closet and drawer and just sort stuff out and throw some stuff away. It's not like a Hoarder's episode, but is unhealthy.
My motivation is to help him live in a healthier environment.
Is there anything you know of that could motivate a person like this?
The person is old, but that has nothing to do with it, so I am posting here.
It's an ex - the power is out in some parts of California, so this ex was kind enough to allow me to come over and take a shower while he was staying elsewhere.
During a power outage a few years ago, I did the same thing (and had the same problem).
His house is FILTHY - the bathtub was black - since I noticed this before, I came prepared with cleaning supplies and bleach. A full bottle of bleach did not get rid of the black scum in the bottom of the tub.
Every surface was filthy. I had to clean counter space just to set my towel down.
You can't tell by simply visiting how filthy everything is - because there is a surface presentation that looks okay - it's just that everything is scummy and has a film and there is hair everywhere - and dirty towels set out on counters (visibly black).
This person is very nice guy and is very popular.
The last time I came to shower, several years ago, I was so distressed, that I convinced him to hire one of my friends to clean his house. She charged $100. I am thinking it would be more like $400 today. He needs at least 15 hours at $25 per hour . . .
I opened a closet (yeah, I am nosy and he knows it) and there was stuffed just jammed in there - his way of straightening up is to just open the closet and throw stuff in there. His office was piled with papers (has been retired for years).
He is a hypochondriac AND has had health issues (had stroke a few years ago and seems to have recovered 100%).
I say this has nothing to do with old age because I know this guy. He is a Nine on the Enneagram (which can be sluggish and in denial). He is very set in his ways and does the same things at the same times every day. He has always been like that.
So my question is how to motivate him to pay someone to clean his house. Because of his laziness and rigidity about doing the same thing every day (basically watching TV), it will be a struggle. He actually needs someone to go through every closet and drawer and just sort stuff out and throw some stuff away. It's not like a Hoarder's episode, but is unhealthy.
My motivation is to help him live in a healthier environment.
Is there anything you know of that could motivate a person like this?
TBH, if you don't like how this ex keeps his house, I'd recommend finding somewhere else to shower when you have the need. Otherwise, it's really not your business how he lives.
The person is old, but that has nothing to do with it, so I am posting here.
It's an ex - the power is out in some parts of California, so this ex was kind enough to allow me to come over and take a shower while he was staying elsewhere. ...
My motivation is to help him live in a healthier environment.
Is there anything you know of that could motivate a person like this?
OP, if I understand you correctly, this person was nice enough to let you come over and shower during a power outage ...
... and you were basically disgusted by what you saw as the filthiness of his house (INCLUDING what you found when you SNOOPED, which, sorry, you SHOULD NOT DO when you are at a friend's house)?
Very simple solution: say you have somewhere else to shower, and leave it at that.
The rest is absolutely NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, and I am having a hard time understanding how you think it is up to YOU to improve his housekeeping standards?
You are NOT being a friend, you are being kind of a judgmental jerk. I know you don't MEAN to be, but you are.
If you keep criticizing him every time he does you a favor (using his shower), he will stop doing you favors. I can't recommend returning a kindness with a negative judgement (and no, there is no good way to say it).
Not everyone keeps house the same way, or cares about it in the same way.
My cousin let me use her shower when I was staying over and made it seem like some grand favor (instead of using the general one), so imagine my surprise when it was very gross (when the other is super clean). I am super finicky on bathroom cleanliness, but I just suffered through it and thanked her for letting me use it.
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If, and only if, he expressed interest in wanting his house cleaned but seems unable to do it himself, and you want to buy him a really nice, gift spend the $400 to have it cleaned.
If he didn't say anything like this, then I wouldn't say anything about it but thank him for letting you use his facilities, but just don't ask again if you're concerned it's too unclean.
He would just let it get back to the same state. He'd need someone to return once a month at a minimum. Just let it be, in my opinion. wash the towels as a thank you - or did you already?
It's none of your business and not your place to try to decide how he should live his life, no matter how well meaning. If you don't like being in his place, next time refuse his generous offer and find elsewhere and back off.
I completely agree with the posters that have said it's none of your business.
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