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Tell her she already prepaid it with all the love she has given you, and all that she has done for you in your life. Make reference to specifics of all she did for you when raising you. I like the points explanation - it doesn't seem like you're spending anything, then. Beg her to take the money and put it in the bank and leave it there for a future emergency. And make sure you are saving. If she's that close to the edge, she may very well wind up needing help from you in the future.
I think I'd just tell her that she is your mom and it is your pleasure to have her come on the trip with you and that she doesn't need to worry about the money. Tell her it's a perk she gets for being your mom so you could get a good job. And that you'd feel more comfortable knowing she has a little pad for emergencies. Encourage her to keep saving too!
Let her pay for dinner so she can participate if she wishes.
Exactly.
Explain as you did to us about all the points you've traded in.
What a great mother/daughter team you two make.
Have a ball.
Great ideas. I agree about telling mom about all the points you used so that she doesn't think you actually spent much of your own money on the trip.
Quote:
Originally Posted by southkakkatlantan
$1000 would mean she has nothing left in her savings though...
I surely would not take her $1,000. How old is mom? She really needs to save for retirement.
Having her pay for lunch or even picking up the tip at Thanksgiving (or other places) will make her feel like she's participating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons
I'm in Fort Lauderdale but we are in South Beach and Miami quite a bit.
Definitely take your friend to Ball & Chain. They do bachata and merengue lessons before the bands start playing.
Smith & Wollensky has outdoor views to die for. It overlooks the Government Cut and Fisher Island. You really need to go for a drink but make sure you sit outside overlooking the water. If you can swing it, I'd go there for Thanksgiving over Yardbird.
Juvia is probably the best rooftop bar.
To me, a trip to South Beach is not complete without mojitoes at the pool bar at The Delano.
Go to Wynwood and take either mom or your friend to Sunday Brunch drag show at R House. Trust me, you'll have the time of your life.
All the cool stuff in South Beach is actually moving to Midtown, Wynwood, and Little Havana.
I wish I could rep each reply you did. It's so much easier going on vacation when you have someone that knows the area tell you the good places to go without wasting money on bad food. We don't go out to eat since we moved 11 years ago because the restaurants just taste blah.
Maybe let her pay for Thanksgiving dinner out, while you cover everything else. You can say that it's your pleasure to be able to take this vacation and be able to include her but you can also make a big fuss about the special Thanksgiving dinner that she paid for and even though it's not half of the expense, you can still make it feel like it's half of the specialness of your time together.
I definitely wouldn't let her spend all the money though - just the 100 or so for dinner and then things she wants to get for herself.
A third time does not make it a tradition in my book. If you are close to 70/hr 1500 for a week with your mother should not get the thoughts of how nice it were ... churning when she makes 9/hr. Atlanta is really nice during the holidays.
Agree, the OP lives in Atlanta. Why do they have to go away to somewhere like Miami when the mother is financially strapped? Isn't the winter there the height of the season and I would imagine more expensive than other months?
It should be about spending the time together while mom is still around, if the OP's mother wasn't in this position it would be different. Having mom come visit, stay with the OP and treating her daughter to a nice dinner in Atlanta, and having some of that $1,000 she saved up left over isn't a bad plan.
Agree, the OP lives in Atlanta. Why do they have to go away to somewhere like Miami when the mother is financially strapped? Isn't the winter there the height of the season and I would imagine more expensive than other months?
It should be about spending the time together while mom is still around, if the OP's mother wasn't in this position it would be different. Having mom come visit, stay with the OP and treating her daughter to a nice dinner in Atlanta, and having some of that $1,000 she saved up left over isn't a bad plan.
We don't have to meet outside of Atlanta; we can meet here but she usually comes here for Christmas. I like to travel and she is 'ok' with it, but upon going to Miami a few years ago asked if we could make that 'our tradition' for Thanksgiving going forward. I like Miami a lot so I agreed as my mother never really asks me for anything.
The total cost for the trip isn't that high considering the location and that it's Thanksgiving. Lastly, I work from home here in Atlanta in a studio so it is huge plus for me knowing I will be able to 'get away' annually in November and de-stress/have a change of environment.
My mom is pretty low paid (~$9/hr) and in a LCOL city. I live about 4 hours away from her and this year we've only seen each other twice but we usually do meet up for Thanksgiving and Christmas. For Thanksgiving however we have started to travel to Miami every year and meet there; this year will be our 3rd year going.
A few months ago my mother mentioned to me how she has saved $1k this year (a huge deal for her; she has never really saved money before due to just behavioral challenges, low paying jobs, etc.). She said she did this specifically for our Thanksgiving trip this year because for years now I have always paid for every aspect of every trip we've ever taken together from her bus or plane tickets to her meals to accommodations, activities, etc. etc.
Now it's my mom so I don't mind doing this whatsoever; she can't afford to pay for anything on $9/hour really. But in the convo I had with her she said it was important that she start contributing something because it's only fair. I heard her but figured it's way more important for her to keep her $1000 as I'm sure it is LITERALLY all she has. I make maybe 7 times what she makes so I'm not hurting for her to contribute half to traveling somewhere.
I had expected about $1000 in a tax refund from some old abatement stuff my CPA was working on but just found out a mistake was made so I'll be at basically a zero balance and not receiving that money now that I expected to get this month. Not a huge deal as of course I still have the money for our Thanksgiving trip but now I have started to add up the expenses and begun thinking, "Man, it would be kind of nice to have 'a little' bit of help to go towards the approximate $1500 or so that 11 days in Miami is going to cost..." A friend of mine suggested I have my mom just pay for one of our dinners out and leave it at that. Another friend said no way to take any money from your parent knowing how much they need it more than you do.
Basically, I started tossing around the idea of asking for a $100 or $200 contribution towards the trip. I felt that's fair considering her pay, it would cover a small portion of the accommodations that I'm paying the balance for once we arrive, and it also gives her satisfaction that she has actually contributed during one of our trips. However, I feel a bit guilty about taking anything from her because I know how hard $100-$200 is to come by for her. I wanted to get opinions on what others would do/not do here...
As much as you are feeling guilty, I think she is also feeling guilty that she hasn't paid in the past as she obviously saved this up the whole year. Either take a small amount from her or have her pay for a dinner out. You can give it back to her some other way such as a gift certificate to a local grocery store for a Christmas gift.
We don't have to meet outside of Atlanta; we can meet here but she usually comes here for Christmas. I like to travel and she is 'ok' with it, but upon going to Miami a few years ago asked if we could make that 'our tradition' for Thanksgiving going forward. I like Miami a lot so I agreed as my mother never really asks me for anything.
The total cost for the trip isn't that high considering the location and that it's Thanksgiving. Lastly, I work from home here in Atlanta in a studio so it is huge plus for me knowing I will be able to 'get away' annually in November and de-stress/have a change of environment.
Well than my suggestion would be that since you are doing well for yourself, maybe make this her combined Christmas and birthday gift for the year, and you pick up the tab. Let her take the two of you out to a nice dinner in Miami, and let her keep the rest of the money she saved.
she can't afford to pay for anything on $9/hour really.
Quote:
Originally Posted by southkakkatlantan
I make maybe 7 times what she makes
Quote:
Originally Posted by southkakkatlantan
I had expected about $1000 in a tax refund from some old abatement stuff my CPA was working on but just found out a mistake was made so I'll be at basically a zero balance and not receiving that money now that I expected to get this month. Not a huge deal as of course I still have the money for our Thanksgiving trip but now I have started to add up the expenses and begun thinking, "Man, it would be kind of nice to have 'a little' bit of help
Assuming full time employment (2000 hours per year):
Her income = 18k
Your income = 126k
And you feel it would be kind of nice to have a little bit of help?
Assuming full time employment (2000 hours per year):
Her income = 18k
Your income = 126k
And you feel it would be kind of nice to have a little bit of help?
Un-f'n-believable...
It's not about the relative differences in their incomes. It's about the OP's mother feeling guilty because she isn't able to contribute to their vacation. The advice that's been given here is spot on: let the mother pay for some specific event or activity, so that her contribution is obvious and tangible; and let the OP thank her profusely and show how much she enjoyed the activity, all while she's paying for most of the other expenses surreptitiously.
I like the idea of having the OP's mother pay for the Thanksgiving dinner. That's the big, special meal of the trip. Meanwhile, the OP picks up the check on all the other meals, each one of which is cheaper than the main meal, but put together is much more expensive.
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" A friend of mine suggested I have my mom just pay for one of our dinners out and leave it at that. Another friend said no way to take any money from your parent knowing how much they need it more than you do. 
