Vacationing with a parent - do I accept a payment towards their stay?

[southkakkatlantan]

Originally Posted by bus man

You're lucky he didn't run off with your credit card. As much as I applaud you for your generous heart, I would urge you to be cautious as well. After all, there are some unscrupulous people who will take unfair advantage of the generosity of others. I think it would have been better for you to accompany the man into the café, let him pick out what he wanted, and then paid for it yourself.

What's done is done, but something to think about for next time.

I didn't give him my card actually. That part I just recalled/wrote incorrectly. I was signing off on the tab so had my card out as I was giving him my food told him he had $200 towards that card to get whatever he wanted. I waited outside the cafe for him to bring everything to the register so after he had eaten my plate and then picked out everything inside I went back in and paid for his stuff.

Yeah, I wouldn't physically hand it over to a stranger. Offering to pay has its own risks within itself I totally understand.

[Mongobongo]

I'd say no. Allow your mom to take you out once for a nice dinner. Tell her that the vacation is just a fraction of what you owe her for all she did raising you.

[redplum33]

Originally Posted by redplum33

Assuming full time employment (2000 hours per year):

Her income = 18k
Your income = 126k

And you feel it would be kind of nice to have a little bit of help?

Un-f'n-believable...

Originally Posted by southkakkatlantan

Yeah. It would be 'kinda' good. Not 'needed' but it would be nice. Don't you agree?

If you 'don't' agree you'd be saying having a little bit of help would be 'bad'. That wouldn't make any sense at all.

No, I don't agree it would be good or nice. And, yes, a little help would be bad in this situation. And it makes plenty of sense.

You don't need any help. You're doing just fine. Your mother is struggling.

I have nothing more to say.

[wasel]

Originally Posted by southkakkatlantan

I have refused to let her pay for things for so long that, as mentioned, I had no idea she felt some kind of way about it until recently.



My mom believes wholeheartedly that in order to receive in this world you have to give. Who am I to always take that away from her if she wants to give what she feels is a reasonable share?

Originally Posted by southkakkatlantan

I do want to listen to her this time (she has been bringing up this topic of not liking that she has not contributed in the past for the past maybe year and a half now) and let her contribute in a way that is meaningful for (yet not detrimental to) her.

You know what? I know why you feel torn -- I would feel the same as you -- but I think you need to look at this from HER point of view. Yes, she is low income; however she saved up that money because she WANTED to. She wanted to feel good about her ability to pay her share. It's crappy to always feel like you can't contribute equally to "whatever." I've been there and after a while it feels like charity, even with relatives. Subconsciously she may even feel that if she's not paying her part, she shouldn't have any decision power about what you all do and where you go. (I know you don't feel that way but SHE might.)


Maybe you don't have to take the whole $1000 but consider taking $500 it for her sake. It will make her feel better.

[historyfan]

Originally Posted by wasel

You know what? I know why you feel torn -- I would feel the same as you -- but I think you need to look at this from HER point of view. Yes, she is low income; however she saved up that money because she WANTED to. She wanted to feel good about her ability to pay her share. It's crappy to always feel like you can't contribute equally to "whatever." I've been there and after a while it feels like charity, even with relatives. Subconsciously she may even feel that if she's not paying her part, she shouldn't have any decision power about what you all do and where you go. (I know you don't feel that way but SHE might.)


Maybe you don't have to take the whole $1000 but consider taking $500 it for her sake. It will make her feel better.

Exactly.

I don't think people are considering that saving this money for this trip is a big deal to the Mom. To me rejecting her money saved up is devaluing her efforts. She has never been a saver. She is excited that she saved for this, why act like it is insignificant compared to what OP makes every day. OP could always open an emergencies for Mom bank account & stick the cash there for her future needs.