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My mom is pretty low paid (~$9/hr) and in a LCOL city. I live about 4 hours away from her and this year we've only seen each other twice but we usually do meet up for Thanksgiving and Christmas. For Thanksgiving however we have started to travel to Miami every year and meet there; this year will be our 3rd year going.
A few months ago my mother mentioned to me how she has saved $1k this year (a huge deal for her; she has never really saved money before due to just behavioral challenges, low paying jobs, etc.). She said she did this specifically for our Thanksgiving trip this year because for years now I have always paid for every aspect of every trip we've ever taken together from her bus or plane tickets to her meals to accommodations, activities, etc. etc.
Now it's my mom so I don't mind doing this whatsoever; she can't afford to pay for anything on $9/hour really. But in the convo I had with her she said it was important that she start contributing something because it's only fair. I heard her but figured it's way more important for her to keep her $1000 as I'm sure it is LITERALLY all she has. I make maybe 7 times what she makes so I'm not hurting for her to contribute half to traveling somewhere.
I had expected about $1000 in a tax refund from some old abatement stuff my CPA was working on but just found out a mistake was made so I'll be at basically a zero balance and not receiving that money now that I expected to get this month. Not a huge deal as of course I still have the money for our Thanksgiving trip but now I have started to add up the expenses and begun thinking, "Man, it would be kind of nice to have 'a little' bit of help to go towards the approximate $1500 or so that 11 days in Miami is going to cost..." A friend of mine suggested I have my mom just pay for one of our dinners out and leave it at that. Another friend said no way to take any money from your parent knowing how much they need it more than you do.
Basically, I started tossing around the idea of asking for a $100 or $200 contribution towards the trip. I felt that's fair considering her pay, it would cover a small portion of the accommodations that I'm paying the balance for once we arrive, and it also gives her satisfaction that she has actually contributed during one of our trips. However, I feel a bit guilty about taking anything from her because I know how hard $100-$200 is to come by for her. I wanted to get opinions on what others would do/not do here...
I bet that your mother feels embarrassed that she has to rely on her daughter to pay all the expenses on every vacation. I bet that it will make her happy to contribute something. Perhaps suggest that she pay for something specific, like the lunches (as another person suggested) or the gasoline/tolls or admission to an activity. And, be sure to say "Thank you, Mom" as she pays for that thing.
Personally, I would not feel comfortable having her use the entire $1,000 for the vacation (knowing how long it took to save it up) but it may be important to her to feel that she is contributing something to the vacation.
I am trying a different angle - since this is going to be a yearly expense - have you considered making it a tradition to meet in a less expensive area? Your vacation could be costing half if you would meet in a lower cost city than Miami, like a beach city 50-100 mls north of Miami.
A third time does not make it a tradition in my book. If you are close to 70/hr 1500 for a week with your mother should not get the thoughts of how nice it were ... churning when she makes 9/hr. Atlanta is really nice during the holidays.
Instead of her handing you money, let her pay for something specific, say lunch each day, or whatever works out to around $200.
^That is what one of my friends suggested. I can figure out what might be good to suggest to her.
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Originally Posted by germaine2626
I bet that your mother feels embarrassed that she has to rely on her daughter to pay all the expenses on every vacation. I bet that it will make her happy to contribute something. Perhaps suggest that she pay for something specific, like the lunches (as another person suggested) or the gasoline/tolls or admission to an activity. And, be sure to say "Thank you, Mom" as she pays for that thing.
Personally, I would not feel comfortable having her use the entire $1,000 for the vacation (knowing how long it took to save it up) but it may be important to her to feel that she is contributing something to the vacation.
^Yes, she definitely seems embarrassed/shamed. I didn't realize she was carrying guilt about this; I just figured she didn't mind and 'it is what it is' so to speak. I will definitely be sure to thank her for everything. Letting her use the entire $1000 was never an option in my mind. I came up with the $100-$200 because likely she will get that from family members right before the trip who still send her 'birthday cash' (her birthday is coming up soon).
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Originally Posted by Nodpete
Sounds like your mom raised a responsible kid. As mentioned above, let her pay for some little thing, it will make her feel good.
^Thank you.
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Originally Posted by oh-eve
You are such a nice daughter!!!
I am trying a different angle - since this is going to be a yearly expense - have you considered making it a tradition to meet in a less expensive area? Your vacation could be costing half if you would meet in a lower cost city than Miami, like a beach city 50-100 mls north of Miami.
^I have not considered this. I took her to Miami once and that's when she requested we do a 'new' family tradition that did not involve where she lived or where I live. She requested we return to Miami going forward every year, however, as she doesn't travel much I doubt she would care if we chose a different place. She's done many trips here to me to Atlanta for holidays and will likely come here for Christmas as usual. I think by the time Thanksgiving comes around she just wants to be somewhere a bit different, namely near a beach. Good idea to consider a cheaper area of Florida though! We tend to go to the same (nice) restaurant in Miami every Thanksgiving now so she really looks forward to going there; that might be the only thing she misses (really good restaurants that are open on Thanksgiving are hard to come by; I couldn't even find any I'd take her to here in Atlanta). By the way, I usually spend a lot less money going to Mia for Thanksgiving; this year I just had challenges getting her to confirm some things so by the time I booked I paid more than usual for sure. But $1500 for my flight and our accommodations for 11 total days in South Beach right by the beach is not a horrible price actually; particularly for being there over Thanksgiving.
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Originally Posted by Threestep
A third time does not make it a tradition in my book. If you are close to 70/hr 1500 for a week with your mother should not get the thoughts of how nice it were ... churning when she makes 9/hr. Atlanta is really nice during the holidays.
^I have not considered this. I took her to Miami once and that's when she requested we do a 'new' family tradition that did not involve where she lived or where I live. She requested we return to Miami going forward every year, however, as she doesn't travel much I doubt she would care if we chose a different place.
^What..?
Anything warm north of Miami, Fort Lauderdale, Boca, Palm Beach, will be just as expensive with not as much to do and see.
Plan a family dinner to someplace reasonable like Versailles and let mom pay for that. It would be a great place to have a non-traditional Thanksgiving dinner.
In one breath you say you earn 7x more than your mom. In the next breath you’re saying the $1500 trip might too much for you. It can’t be both unless your living paycheck to paycheck and can’t handle money.
$1500 for two adults, in Miami, for 11 days is dirt, bottom of the barrel cheap... is the total cost of the trip?? Where are you staying and what are you doing for that cheap??
It’s great that you do these trips with your mom! Of course you should foot the total bill, especially when you say you make so much more money than her and you’re ‘not hurting’. You should let her pay for one meal.
You Mom probably see the trip as a major expense for you -- which it is through her eyes -- and she does not want to feel like a burden. What I have done in a similar case is accept the money but set it aside and then over time buy things I know the person needs as gifts or treat them to things I know they like. They have no idea I am returning their money to them.
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" A friend of mine suggested I have my mom just pay for one of our dinners out and leave it at that. Another friend said no way to take any money from your parent knowing how much they need it more than you do. 
