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That is sad that he was not able/not comfortable to share what was going on in his life.
It was incredibly sad.
When he eventually told me about it, he told only me. Said this wasn't something he wanted to discuss with any of our coworkers.
There are countless other examples. Guys losing custody of their kids, etc. They might mention it in terms of badmouthing an ex, but never about how devastated they were.
IMO, women often go to the other extreme. On, and on, and on about some of the smallest things or complaining endlessly about a guy they never give the heave ho. Give me a break.
But I find that both men and women get together to do things and get together to talk. They just talk about different things.
With women, talking IS the activity. Period. Last night a friend and I met for supper at a restaurant, talked through the entire meal, talked for a bit after and then decided to come to my house to finish our visit so we weren't taking up a spot at the restaurant when they had people waiting to get in. Total time together about 4 hours. Talking. She told me about a temporary job she's been doing, we discussed our kids and the problems we're having with them, discussed some politics, etc, but if we were doing an activity, we wouldn't have been able to get into a deep discussion which is what women usually want. At least in my experience. And the men in our lives can't meet that need, so we seek out other women.
You are correct. Women share things about themselves and their lives. Or I should say most women do. If that had been a female co-worker, you would have known about the father's cancer and how it was affecting everyone.
I agree it is sad, he didn't feel he could share that with you as you could have given him some emotional support.
You are correct. Women share things about themselves and their lives. Or I should say most women do. If that had been a female co-worker, you would have known about the father's cancer and how it was affecting everyone.
I agree it is sad, he didn't feel he could share that with you as you could have given him some emotional support.
He eventually did. But only when it was just the two of us. I still remember it all these years later. It was so sad. So sad.
I can see why he didn't want to share it with many. Hurt too much.
Last edited by GotHereQuickAsICould; 11-16-2019 at 07:13 PM..
Women are better communicators, I think, and are generally more verbal. They also are closer on a personal level with friends than men are, I think. So naturally they want to catch up on the others' lives. They laugh, they complain, they offer support and comfort, if necessary. Men are all about avoiding getting close with other men, I think, unless there's a big trauma.
This also may date back to the days (which for many still exist) of women not having as much money as men. It usually costs to do activities.
Also, I think many women are just not physical or into games. I am, and it has been a problem throughout my life to find women to do physical things with (tennis, bicycling, etc.).
I and my friends have many times done things together, though, besides go out to eat. We go to movies, to fairs and festivals, flea marketing, shopping, concerts, etc. A friend and I used to go to the annual car show at the state fair. We loved to look at the latest cars and sit in them. Women like to go out to eat, I think. I don't care for eating out, but I'd go, anyway, because the point was the companionship and conversation.
Conversation is very important and entertaining. You laugh, you feel sad about someone's situation, you shoot the bull, you discuss other topics (staying away from politics). It's fun. That's what makes friendships. You can't be a real friend to someone if all you do is an activity where you avoid intimate conversation. That's more of an acquaintance than friend.
With women, talking IS the activity. Period. Last night a friend and I met for supper at a restaurant, talked through the entire meal, talked for a bit after and then decided to come to my house to finish our visit so we weren't taking up a spot at the restaurant when they had people waiting to get in. Total time together about 4 hours. Talking. She told me about a temporary job she's been doing, we discussed our kids and the problems we're having with them, discussed some politics, etc, but if we were doing an activity, we wouldn't have been able to get into a deep discussion which is what women usually want. At least in my experience. And the men in our lives can't meet that need, so we seek out other women.
You are correct that the men in our lives don’t meet the need for a deep discussion with women. I had one woman friend whose husband did meet that need. She was very happily married.
I've noticed when you do see women doing an activity like me and my guy friends do they're usually with some guys as well. While I am sure they exist, I have never seen an all female bowling league for example.
My mother belonged to a women's bowling league for many years. About 30 years, or longer actually, until she no longer was able to because of cancer.
Me? I've always hated bowling, but have and do meet plenty of women friends for all kinds of activities. Some of my best times with my friends have been spent running long distances, spinning classes, riding our horses through trails and such. And yes, often we like to follow our activity up with a nice meal and (horrors) conversation!
I haven't read the rest of this thread but I definitely get a feeling of smug superiority coming from your post. I guess you feel that you and your "bros" are better than all of the women you've been observing. Well, aren't you special. Enjoy your man time playing video games and put-put.
if a hubby/boyfriend says to his woman/wife i'm going over to john's …. we are going to drink beer and b.s around the table...… this would be criticized.. (an inference/tone of either why not spend that time... with ME we can go shopping ...or "you have 3 projects around this house undone....i'd think you could be working on those... or ... my car needs an oil change …
if a woman tells her man/husband im going over to jenn's for some much needed "girl" time and have a wine or two" that'd be fine most guys would say .. go have some fun .
there are layers with this...
one layer is this dynamic....
if a guy wanted to buy a chainsaw..... or sander at a hardware store or harbor freight...he might invite a friend along to get his opinion....
women in general don't do this....how many women.....go to pick out carpet or look at a new stove … or look at paint colors.....(with other women) I don't see this because …. each have there own color tastes and one comment "oh I don't like that" or "I guess this is ok for you" can ruin a lifelong friendship.... women are usually quite specific with their tastes...and will critique men all day long....but if they do the same with other women..... that can start wars..
men appease women more than women appease men ….there's not one time in human history that a man actually won an argument with a woman...so we avoid them....we appease...so when women infer "don't you have better things to do than to hang with your friends and drink beer" men will appease
but if its the woman for her..or girls night out..... that seems to be different
A few days ago I saw three women out jogging together. I've never seen three men out jogging together. At the gym small aerobic class there were 2 guys, 4 women.
I enjoy seeing couples actually having fun together. Not wholesome "churchy" fun, but actual fun. So I hate to say it, but the OP is right. Before my friends got married, we used to actually do things together: hike for 10 miles, hit up rock concerts, party into the night, rock out at karaoke bars, etc. We'd also hit the gym together and turn into a social event for us. Like the OP described, we used to do things. If one of us was going through a rough patch, we'd give the guy a brief pep talk, but that was the end of it.
After they got married, everything changed overnight. They no longer go out or do stuff. Instead, they stay home with their wives or have obligatory romantic dinners. Social gatherings a few and far between. The few times I hung out with the couples as an extra man, usually in a restaurant, it felt weird. The women set the tone for everything, talking a lot, which is normal, but the men basically became part of the background. It was awkward, like... I don't know... listening to a Kidz Bop version of a Linkin Park song: the melody is the same, most words are the same, but something's missing.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 11-17-2019 at 09:02 AM..
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