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if a hubby/boyfriend says to his woman/wife i'm going over to john's …. we are going to drink beer and b.s around the table...… this would be criticized.. (an inference/tone of either why not spend that time... with ME we can go shopping ...or "you have 3 projects around this house undone....i'd think you could be working on those... or ... my car needs an oil change …
if a woman tells her man/husband im going over to jenn's for some much needed "girl" time and have a wine or two" that'd be fine most guys would say .. go have some fun .
there are layers with this...
one layer is this dynamic....
if a guy wanted to buy a chainsaw..... or sander at a hardware store or harbor freight...he might invite a friend along to get his opinion....
women in general don't do this....how many women.....go to pick out carpet or look at a new stove … or look at paint colors.....(with other women) I don't see this because …. each have there own color tastes and one comment "oh I don't like that" or "I guess this is ok for you" can ruin a lifelong friendship.... women are usually quite specific with their tastes...and will critique men all day long....but if they do the same with other women..... that can start wars..
men appease women more than women appease men ….there's not one time in human history that a man actually won an argument with a woman...so we avoid them....we appease...so when women infer "don't you have better things to do than to hang with your friends and drink beer" men will appease
but if its the woman for her..or girls night out..... that seems to be different
Not one time in history when a man won an argument with a woman? Really? I think your bias is showing throughout this entire post.
I enjoy seeing couples actually having fun together. Not wholesome "churchy" fun, but actual fun. So I hate to say it, but the OP is right. Before my friends got married, we used to actually do things together: hike for 10 miles, hit up rock concerts, party into the night, rock out at karaoke bars, etc. We'd also hit the gym together and turn into a social event for us. Like the OP described, we used to do things. If one of us was going through a rough patch, we'd give the guy a brief pep talk, but that was the end of it.
After they got married, everything changed overnight. They no longer go out or do stuff. Instead, they stay home with their wives or have obligatory romantic dinners. Social gatherings a few and far between. The few times I hung out with the couples as an extra man, usually in a restaurant, it felt weird. The women set the tone for everything, talking a lot, which is normal, but the men basically became part of the background. It was awkward, like... I don't know... listening to a Kidz Bop version of a Linkin Park song: the melody is the same, most words are the same, but something's missing.
This is just the way your friends roll. It's not the way all men roll. They don't suddenly give up their friendships. They still go on hikes together, go to lunch together, hang out at each other's homes for a weekend afternoon doing whatever, take in a car show together, or whatever.
I did that by joining new Meetup groups, although they're mixed company. Like Meetup in general, they're about doing things. While most people there are mainly activity partners, a few became actual friends I talk to and hang out with outside the groups. For a musical analogy, these groups feel more like a recording of a Linkin Park song done by a cover band. Not the same as a concert version of their song in high-definition variable bit rate, but thankfully, nothing like Kidz Bop, either.
This may change as group members couple up, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts, at least.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 11-17-2019 at 09:56 AM..
if a hubby/boyfriend says to his woman/wife i'm going over to john's …. we are going to drink beer and b.s around the table...… this would be criticized.. (an inference/tone of either why not spend that time... with ME we can go shopping ...or "you have 3 projects around this house undone....i'd think you could be working on those... or ... my car needs an oil change …
if a woman tells her man/husband im going over to jenn's for some much needed "girl" time and have a wine or two" that'd be fine most guys would say .. go have some fun .
there are layers with this...
one layer is this dynamic....
if a guy wanted to buy a chainsaw..... or sander at a hardware store or harbor freight...he might invite a friend along to get his opinion....
women in general don't do this....how many women.....go to pick out carpet or look at a new stove … or look at paint colors.....(with other women) I don't see this because …. each have there own color tastes and one comment "oh I don't like that" or "I guess this is ok for you" can ruin a lifelong friendship.... women are usually quite specific with their tastes...and will critique men all day long....but if they do the same with other women..... that can start wars..
men appease women more than women appease men ….there's not one time in human history that a man actually won an argument with a woman...so we avoid them....we appease...so when women infer "don't you have better things to do than to hang with your friends and drink beer" men will appease
but if its the woman for her..or girls night out..... that seems to be different
OMG. SUCH a stereotype. I actively support my husband hanging with his friends, just as he does with me.
Shopping for color paint or ANYTHING with GFs has never even begot even an argument. In that case we go with GFs because 1) they know our tastes, 2) we respect their taste, and 3) they might have ideas I haven't thought of. Anyway, that rarely occurs because DH goes, you know, because he has opinions on where he lives. Our dynamic is I normally go with friends, scout ideas, and DH comes for the final choices. He hates browsing.
I think your views are way outdated. Do some things still occur? Sure, but not in the more healthy relationships.
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if a hubby/boyfriend says to his woman/wife i'm going over to john's …. we are going to drink beer and b.s around the table...… this would be criticized.. (an inference/tone of either why not spend that time... with ME we can go shopping ...or "you have 3 projects around this house undone....i'd think you could be working on those... or ... my car needs an oil change …
if a woman tells her man/husband im going over to jenn's for some much needed "girl" time and have a wine or two" that'd be fine most guys would say .. go have some fun .
there are layers with this...
one layer is this dynamic....
if a guy wanted to buy a chainsaw..... or sander at a hardware store or harbor freight...he might invite a friend along to get his opinion....
women in general don't do this....how many women.....go to pick out carpet or look at a new stove … or look at paint colors.....(with other women) I don't see this because …. each have there own color tastes and one comment "oh I don't like that" or "I guess this is ok for you" can ruin a lifelong friendship.... women are usually quite specific with their tastes...and will critique men all day long....but if they do the same with other women..... that can start wars..
men appease women more than women appease men ….there's not one time in human history that a man actually won an argument with a woman...so we avoid them....we appease...so when women infer "don't you have better things to do than to hang with your friends and drink beer" men will appease
but if its the woman for her..or girls night out..... that seems to be different
Wow, your post...what a long train of cars pulling ignorant stereotypes by the ton.
I don’t want anyone else to change my oil, not even my husband. It is not his duty to take care of my vehicle, although in some households it is and that’s the couple’s own decision about it, none of anybody else’s business.
I pick household colors because I have the better sense of design and color, which might not be true for other couples. Don’t worry—none of our homes has been decorated with colors offensive to either person; you might envision lots of frilly lace and pink but I abhor that look just as much as I abhor stereotypical “mancave decor.” WE pick household appliances together because WE BOTH use them. If my husband is shopping for power tools, I am interested in what he finds, and vice versa. Yes, I have shopped for power tools myself; it’s easy to do with website info and knowledgeable store staff, who sometimes are women, believe it or not.
Appeasement is not onesided for all couples. But maybe it is in your marriage. Don’t smear all male-female couples with your overwide tarry brush.
Back to the original topic: Men sometimes do get together mainly to socialize and women sometimes do get together mainly to accomplish a task or participate in a specific activity. It’s a big, diverse world out there. Take off your blinders and look around.
You are correct that the men in our lives don’t meet the need for a deep discussion with women. I had one woman friend whose husband did meet that need. She was very happily married.
I am happily married for 40 years. I wasn't trying to say that the men are deficient in some way, they are just not wired that way. It's not that they are staying away from meaningful conversation on purpose, they just don't think that way.
Not one time in history when a man won an argument with a woman? Really? I think your bias is showing throughout this entire post.
In our house, my husband is the superior debater and I'm not. He always has to be right and have the final word, so many times I just let him think he's right even though I don't agree with him. If I do try to speak up, he will interrupt me, and tell me why I'm wrong. I believe in shades of gray in this life and he is all black and white.
So no, the woman isn't always right.
I am happily married for 40 years. I wasn't trying to say that the men are deficient in some way, they are just not wired that way. It's not that they are staying away from meaningful conversation on purpose, they just don't think that way.
Agree. But it is sad, I think, that they don’t know how to offer comfort or understanding. Or even think about doing it.
there are layers with this...
one layer is this dynamic....
if a guy wanted to buy a chainsaw..... or sander at a hardware store or harbor freight...he might invite a friend along to get his opinion....
women in general don't do this....how many women.....go to pick out carpet or look at a new stove … or look at paint colors.....(with other women) I don't see this because …. each have there own color tastes and one comment "oh I don't like that" or "I guess this is ok for you" can ruin a lifelong friendship.... women are usually quite specific with their tastes...and will critique men all day long....but if they do the same with other women..... that can start wars..
I’m the one usually buying sander or miter saw and asking my husband along for his opinion my husband usually picks house paint, and thank goodness neither of us likes carpets. Used to go to the hardware store with my besties all the time for wood supplies etc.
Really I find your views pretty antiquated, how old are you?
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I actively support my husband hanging with his friends, just as he does with me.
my husband usually picks house paint, and thank goodness neither of us likes carpets. Used to go to the hardware store with my besties all the time for wood supplies etc. 
