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I can offer one observation on this that probably hasn't been added to this conversation yet.
One of my main hobbies in life is playing tennis. At both public and private courts, one is much more likely to see 2 men playing a singles match against each other than 2 women doing the same thing.
I see groups of older women (40 or 45+) playing doubles matches at private clubs.
At public courts, when you see women in their 20s and 30s playing tennis, it is usually with their boyfriend or husband.
Personally, I don't know any men who get together to go play putt-putt. Most of the guys I know might go fishing, work on cars, golf, or get together to watch a game, maybe even go to a pro or college sports event, but sitting around and just suddenly deciding to randomly go bowling and then putt-putt with their guy friends? Never seen it. I play putt-putt with my hubby, and we go with other couples, but I've never seen him do that with dudes. I can never get him to go bowling, it's just not his thing, but I used to go with my woman friend on Saturdays when it rained.
My women friends and I get together to go wine tasting, we go to the nail salon and get pedicures, we go on hikes, or to play pickleball, etc. I'm in an all ladies golf league, and after our games we also go out to lunch. I like to do a happy hours too, but that's not ALL we do. I just got back from an overnight trip to the beach with my BFF, and then a trip to Vegas to meet up with my sisters and we took a scenic drive and went sightseeing and shopping, as well as eating out at the buffet and playing an hour or two in the casino. If the pool had been open we would have gone swimming.
Maybe it's just the women you know, or maybe if they are young and have jobs and kids to take care of, this is all they have time for, or they are too tired of "doing" all day and want to take a break with friends.
Last edited by TheShadow; 11-18-2019 at 08:54 AM..
if a hubby/boyfriend says to his woman/wife i'm going over to john's …. we are going to drink beer and b.s around the table...… this would be criticized.. (an inference/tone of either why not spend that time... with ME we can go shopping ...or "you have 3 projects around this house undone....i'd think you could be working on those... or ... my car needs an oil change …
if a woman tells her man/husband im going over to jenn's for some much needed "girl" time and have a wine or two" that'd be fine most guys would say .. go have some fun .
there are layers with this...
one layer is this dynamic....
if a guy wanted to buy a chainsaw..... or sander at a hardware store or harbor freight...he might invite a friend along to get his opinion....
women in general don't do this....how many women.....go to pick out carpet or look at a new stove … or look at paint colors.....(with other women) I don't see this because …. each have there own color tastes and one comment "oh I don't like that" or "I guess this is ok for you" can ruin a lifelong friendship.... women are usually quite specific with their tastes...and will critique men all day long....but if they do the same with other women..... that can start wars..
men appease women more than women appease men ….there's not one time in human history that a man actually won an argument with a woman...so we avoid them....we appease...so when women infer "don't you have better things to do than to hang with your friends and drink beer" men will appease
but if its the woman for her..or girls night out..... that seems to be different
SO unrealistic to me. No woman, in the history of the world, ever ended a friendship over not liking the same paint color. Absolutely f***ing ridiculous. Maybe this is how your relationships with women work (or don't) because you have such a low (and incorrect) opinion of them. When my DH wants to go over to his friends' place for any reason, or no reason, I say "Have fun, drive safe".
Personally, I don't know any men who get together to go play putt-putt. Most of the guys I know might go fishing, work on cars, golf, or get together to watch a game, maybe even go to a pro or college sports event, but sitting around and just suddenly deciding to randomly go bowling and then putt-putt with their guy friends? Never seen it. I play putt-putt with my hubby, and we go with other couples, but I've never seen him do that with dudes. I can never get him to go bowling, it's just not his thing, but I used to go with my woman friend on Saturdays when it rained.
In my neck of the woods, mini golf is a mixed-company activity, usually through Meetup. Someone would post an event, people would sign up, and we'd play a round or two. Then we'd get drinks or a dinner. If an event is all men, we'd usually watch a sports game or hike in a forest preserve. If it's all women, I wouldn't know, obviously.
I suppose many men see mini golf as date-like, and therefore don't feel comfortable going there with other men. What I used to do with my guy friends is a golf driving range. It has a sporty vibe to it, so I guess it feels OK to partake in with all-male company. Same with bowling; we went there together all the time, and didn't see anything date-like about it.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 11-18-2019 at 09:59 AM..
SO unrealistic to me. No woman, in the history of the world, ever ended a friendship over not liking the same paint color. Absolutely f***ing ridiculous. Maybe this is how your relationships with women work (or don't) because you have such a low (and incorrect) opinion of them. When my DH wants to go over to his friends' place for any reason, or no reason, I say "Have fun, drive safe".
I know, the falling out over a paint colour cracked me up
My husband has a right to down time with buddies just like I do
I saw some posts saying that men don't discuss deep personal stuff with their guy friends, and holy moly I wish I could play a recording from my brain to this thread, of a phone call I overheard.
My fiance has a guy friend, they've been close for over 20 years. My fiance is the first to admit this friend of his is an a-hole and pretty insufferable, but he feels sorry for him, because dude finds it hard to keep friendships intact. So his friend will call, and he'll be sitting there with the call on speaker (which fiance likes to do) and I was quietly moving around in our home space with some stuff I needed to get done, attempting to not interrupt or bother them on their call. But this guy... On and on about his kid, his (now ended) marriage, his really personal medical stuff, his feelings, and... I cannot think of a single really personal thing this man would not call my guy to vent about.
I saw some posts saying that men don't discuss deep personal stuff with their guy friends, and holy moly I wish I could play a recording from my brain to this thread, of a phone call I overheard.
My fiance has a guy friend, they've been close for over 20 years. My fiance is the first to admit this friend of his is an a-hole and pretty insufferable, but he feels sorry for him, because dude finds it hard to keep friendships intact. So his friend will call, and he'll be sitting there with the call on speaker (which fiance likes to do) and I was quietly moving around in our home space with some stuff I needed to get done, attempting to not interrupt or bother them on their call. But this guy... On and on about his kid, his (now ended) marriage, his really personal medical stuff, his feelings, and... I cannot think of a single really personal thing this man would not call my guy to vent about.
For HOURS.
Maybe the guy is gay and that’s why his marriage ended. Seems like a lot of gay guys are more emotional.
I saw some posts saying that men don't discuss deep personal stuff with their guy friends, and holy moly I wish I could play a recording from my brain to this thread, of a phone call I overheard.
My fiance has a guy friend, they've been close for over 20 years. My fiance is the first to admit this friend of his is an a-hole and pretty insufferable, but he feels sorry for him, because dude finds it hard to keep friendships intact. So his friend will call, and he'll be sitting there with the call on speaker (which fiance likes to do) and I was quietly moving around in our home space with some stuff I needed to get done, attempting to not interrupt or bother them on their call. But this guy... On and on about his kid, his (now ended) marriage, his really personal medical stuff, his feelings, and... I cannot think of a single really personal thing this man would not call my guy to vent about.
For HOURS.
Same, same! My DH has 2 male friends whom he's known since childhood (now in their 60's). They will talk for hours (also on speaker) and they go over and over the same old conversations about their girlfriends, adult kids, grandkids, health problems, fights with their family members, etc. Whoever said guys don't talk about personal stuff never met these guys.
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