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Dave has made it clear he doesn't want to chat with the OP, taking meals she's prepared into his bedroom to avoid talking with her over dinner, etc.
So it could be that wandering around in his underwear while in shared space is his way of avoiding conversation.
If he starts doing it again, the OP could sit down near him and start a conversation about how she realizes that he's lonely and this is his way of reaching out, so the speak, making a connection, trying to get her attention, ... and while she is far from comfortable talking to a man in his underwear, she will try her best, one human to another, ...
He will likely tune her out, so it doesn't matter what she says. But if he's lounging around appropriately attired, waiting for his dog to do his business or whatever, leave him alone.
I have a male roommate (I'm a girl) and our relationship is completely platonic. He's ten years younger than me and I don't think he likes women very much, anyhow. He mostly stays in his room, but when he comes out to the living room or kitchen where I am and it's after 8:00 pm or so, he's always stripped down to his very minimalist undies, sometimes topped by a T shirt. If he's letting his dog out to do her thing, he just plunks down on the sofa or leans against the door for 10 minutes or so until the dog returns, showing himself off in all his unglory.
I have asked him if he wouldn't mind throwing on a robe before he ventures out of his room, but he just ignores my requests.
I don't consider myself to be a prude by a long shot, but I feel rather uncomfortable to have a semi nude man parading around in front of me whether I like it or not. And I would never dream of wandering around dressed equivalently (say only panties and a bra) in front of him.
Plus, it just feels rude and disrespectful that he would keep this up even though he knows it makes me feel uncomfortable.
Am I wrong to feel the way I do? Is it common practice these days for people to act like they're living in a military barracks with others of the same gender even if they are actually living in a private home with one person of the opposite gender?
Dave has made it clear he doesn't want to chat with the OP, taking meals she's prepared into his bedroom to avoid talking with her over dinner, etc.
So it could be that wandering around in his underwear while in shared space is his way of avoiding conversation.
If he starts doing it again, the OP could sit down near him and start a conversation about how she realizes that he's lonely and this is his way of reaching out, so the speak, making a connection, trying to get her attention, ... and while she is far from comfortable talking to a man in his underwear, she will try her best, one human to another, ...
He will likely tune her out, so it doesn't matter what she says. But if he's lounging around appropriately attired, waiting for his dog to do his business or whatever, leave him alone.
If he is in his skivvies, chat him up.
Oh, man! I just spit coffee all over my computer screen. IRL you must be either a comedian or a psychologist - or both. Your idea would work like a charm. With your permission, I'd like to include it in my book, "How to deal with unusual roommates with odd traits but you don't want to kick them out since you need the rent money."
Quote:
Originally Posted by elan
He sounds like a very unique individual, we used to call them characters.
You don't know the half of it! If I had met Dave in my younger, more idealistic days, I'd have wasted all sorts of time and emotional energy trying to change him. However, in this case with age comes wisdom. I leave him strictly to his own devices unless something important comes up. Since I know that he will simply run back to his man cave the moment I open my mouth, I tell him to come outside and talk with me next to the barbeque pit. There's nothing worse than just me and an endless empty sky and miles of alfalfa fields. Poor man!
I have a male roommate (I'm a girl) and our relationship is completely platonic. He's ten years younger than me and I don't think he likes women very much, anyhow. He mostly stays in his room, but when he comes out to the living room or kitchen where I am and it's after 8:00 pm or so, he's always stripped down to his very minimalist undies, sometimes topped by a T shirt. If he's letting his dog out to do her thing, he just plunks down on the sofa or leans against the door for 10 minutes or so until the dog returns, showing himself off in all his unglory.
I have asked him if he wouldn't mind throwing on a robe before he ventures out of his room, but he just ignores my requests.
I don't consider myself to be a prude by a long shot, but I feel rather uncomfortable to have a semi nude man parading around in front of me whether I like it or not. And I would never dream of wandering around dressed equivalently (say only panties and a bra) in front of him.
Plus, it just feels rude and disrespectful that he would keep this up even though he knows it makes me feel uncomfortable.
Am I wrong to feel the way I do? Is it common practice these days for people to act like they're living in a military barracks with others of the same gender even if they are actually living in a private home with one person of the opposite gender?
Thoughts?
Not an attack but. Why didn't you talk about this stuff beforehand?
Oh, man! I just spit coffee all over my computer screen. IRL you must be either a comedian or a psychologist - or both. Your idea would work like a charm. With your permission, I'd like to include it in my book, "How to deal with unusual roommates with odd traits but you don't want to kick them out since you need the rent money."
...
I'm neither.
I'm a mother who raised a houseful of kids and learned the value of figuring out motivation early on.
Also learned that if I was going to use reverse psychology, I had to really sell it.
Last edited by GotHereQuickAsICould; 11-19-2019 at 01:11 PM..
Not an attack but. Why didn't you talk about this stuff beforehand?
Exactly! This is renting with roomies 101. This stuff needs to be hashed our before the lease is signed.
Did think he’d act like this?? Well, it’s HIS home too... why shouldn’t he be in his underwear???
Op needs to update the lease and house rules before renewing with guy.. that way if it continues, she can legally serve him a notice to vacate and be done with it
Exactly! This is renting with roomies 101. This stuff needs to be hashed our before the lease is signed.
Did think he’d act like this?? Well, it’s HIS home too... why shouldn’t he be in his underwear???
Op needs to update the lease and house rules before renewing with guy.. that way if it continues, she can legally serve him a notice to vacate and be done with it
I don't get the outrage here - isn't at home the one place of all where you can walk around in underwear???
I rent out rooms to young students, mostly Germans and some of them cook in underwear, topless. I just enjoy the view, nothing wrong with it???
Why would your roomie have to fully dress to let the dog out late night? You want him to wear more clothes at home than if he goes to the beach? and you say half of the time he wears a Tshirt??
I don't get the outrage here - isn't at home the one place of all where you can walk around in underwear???
I rent out rooms to young students, mostly Germans and some of them cook in underwear, topless. I just enjoy the view, nothing wrong with it???
Why would your roomie have to fully dress to let the dog out late night? You want him to wear more clothes at home than if he goes to the beach? and you say half of the time he wears a Tshirt??
?? Because a roommate isn't family? Why does sharing a 'home' make it ok to parade around in underwear? Some thing are appropriate and some aren't. You wouldn't walk around in your underwear in the grocery store just because you wear less at the beach would you?
I don't think signing a contract to share a living space somehow gives people the right to do anything they want within that space, without consideration for others. Would it be ok for roomie to have sex on the couch, trash the kitchen with dirty dishes and rotting food, have loud people over at 3 am, or any other obnoxious behaviors that would be fine if they lived alone?
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and you say half of the time he wears a Tshirt??
