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I wouldn't do this to a female roommate. Whatever his reason for doing this doesn't matter because its not good either way.
If I were you I would tell him you're thinking of leaving. He may or may not ask you why and that is when you can express to him your discomfort with a man in his underwear walking around the house. Perhaps he will stop.
You've talked to him about this before, and he refuses to do what you ask. At this point it's not a matter of whether you're reasonable in your request; it's a matter of his not respecting your wishes. You're not asking him to do something difficult. He just doesn't care what you think.
I'd have a conversation with him at a time when he's fully dressed. You might start by saying something like, "I think we have a pretty good relationship going here, but there's one thing that really bothers me that I'd like to talk about with you."
Then tell him how you feel when he walks around in his underwear. Remind him you've talked about this before, and tell him you feel disrespected and belittled when he refuses to put more clothes on. See what his response is.
If he refuses to change his behavior, or if he agrees and then in the future "forgets," your next move depends on the terms of your roommate situation. If you're the landlord and he's the tenant, you can give him the required notice before the end of his lease and have him move out. If you're both tenants on the lease, you can look around for new living arrangements for yourself and move out when your lease expires.
No, it's not easy. You need to decide whether continuing to live under these circumstances outweighs the difficulty of finding a new roommate or moving out.
Maybe this is his subliminal way of saying he wants to hookup, have a roomie with benefits type of situation. Which is a very gross and immature way to go about it, if so.
He’s ignored your request to cover up and it makes you uncomfortable. I think you should start looking for a new roommate situation.
The last thing my roomie would be interested in is a hook-up with me. In fact, I'm pretty sure that he is a closeted gay. He actually hit on a straight male friend of mine, nothing subliminal about it.
BirdieBelle hit the nail on the head with her reply:
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
He doesn't respect you.
The OP is a senior and disabled, so it's more of a safety and personal boundary issue than a romantic issue.
Not that seniors and those with medical issues can't date, but based on her posts this isn't the most likely motive.
Thank you! You are absolutely correct. While I wouldn't say "no" if my senior cowboy shows up at my door to carry me off into the sunset, that man would most definitely not be my roomie.
Also, it's quite true that my roommate does not respect me. I don't think he would respect any woman, and I've had to come down on him pretty strongly and more than once.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Radical_Thinker
Instead of complaining, why don't you either, a: get another roommate (preferably female), -OR- b: move.
Both solutions would solve your problem. See how easy that is?
No, I don't see how easy that is. I live on a ranch about seven miles outside of my small town, so there is not a large pool of potential roommates to begin with and some folks are put off by the drive thanks to the fact that the road is not well maintained. Then out of the possibilities that remain, I have to find someone who will be okay with the fact that I am disabled. It's hard for me to find individuals that I consider trustworthy given the circumstances.
I am planning on eventually moving back to town, but right now there's a housing crunch due to the fact that a major fracking outfit has moved into our area. This company gives their employees a very comfortable per diem to help cover their housing costs. Naturally, local landlords were delighted and the price of rentals has sky rocketed. People who have lived here all their lives are being forced out because they no longer can afford to stay. My social security check just won't cover a rent payment that rivals what one would pay in a Colorado ski resort town. I think that when the energy outfit moves on to destroy some other part of Colorado, rents will come back down. Meanwhile, I'm staying where I am which is a bargain.
See how easy this is not?
Quote:
Originally Posted by meo92953
There may be a problem with either solution if a lease is involved and whose name is on it. Example: I have new upstairs neighbors as of October. They are extremely noisy and often interrupt my sleep with their loud behavior.
My solution? Yes, I plan on moving WHEN my lease is up the end of April. I'm not willing to jeopardize my good name and credibility by not complying with the lease. So I will live with this until the end of April. Thankfully I'm retired and can nap during the day.
Whoever holds the lease has the upper hand here. If it's a dual lease, there's not much she can do until it ends. Then she can move if that's the only solution.
Another thing she can do is buy him a pair of jogging pants and ask him to wear them when they are going to be in the same space. It may not work but it's worth a shot.
Yes, it will be money out of her pocket but, if it works, it would be money well spent.
I'm sorry that you have to put up with your inconsiderate new neighbors. Here's hoping that when April comes around, you will find a new place that is both nice and quiet with decent folk for neighbors.
My name is on the lease, and I have a very good relationship with my landlady. If I felt like it, I could kick my roommate out today and there would be nothing he could do about it. However, as I explained above, it would be difficult and probably very time consuming to find a new roommate. I count on the money my current roommate gives me to cover his share of the expenses and it would be a major hardship for me to cover all my expenses without that extra infusion of cash.
Kicking my roommate to the curb would be an extreme solution to what really is a minor problem. After reading your and everyone else's replies, I think that I will take your advise and buy my roomie a cheap robe at Wally World and when I give it to him, I will firmly tell him that he needs to cover up. If he persists in ignoring my request, I'll go ahead and let him have it. He has a great living situation here, and it's much cheaper than anything else around here unless he want to live in a meth riddled trailer park.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33
I think you should be a little more direct and a little less polite about this.
"Please go put on a robe. I don't like it when you walk around the house half naked."
If that doesn't work, say the same thing the next time but with an angry tone.
Thank you! This is exactly the same conclusion I have come to myself (see above).
I really appreciate everyone's replies - thanks, all!
I have a male roommate (I'm a girl) and our relationship is completely platonic. He's ten years younger than me and I don't think he likes women very much, anyhow. He mostly stays in his room, but when he comes out to the living room or kitchen where I am and it's after 8:00 pm or so, he's always stripped down to his very minimalist undies, sometimes topped by a T shirt. If he's letting his dog out to do her thing, he just plunks down on the sofa or leans against the door for 10 minutes or so until the dog returns, showing himself off in all his unglory.
I have asked him if he wouldn't mind throwing on a robe before he ventures out of his room, but he just ignores my requests.
I don't consider myself to be a prude by a long shot, but I feel rather uncomfortable to have a semi nude man parading around in front of me whether I like it or not. And I would never dream of wandering around dressed equivalently (say only panties and a bra) in front of him.
Plus, it just feels rude and disrespectful that he would keep this up even though he knows it makes me feel uncomfortable.
Am I wrong to feel the way I do? Is it common practice these days for people to act like they're living in a military barracks with others of the same gender even if they are actually living in a private home with one person of the opposite gender?
Thoughts?
The bolded phrase made me LOL. However, I don’t think the situation itself is funny.
From what you have written in earlier posts, this guy must be 50-something years old. Old enough he should have grown up to respect reasonable requests from people who live in the same house! You’re not old enough to be his mom—which could have offered you a style of getting the point across to a much younger man. It sounds like he is yet another fine specimen who follows the “I don’t let no wimman tell me what to do!” creed. Seems awfully common in these parts, though usually not stated that baldly.
Is the guy divorced? He might have a chip on his shoulder about accommodating any female suggestions to change even small things.
Geez, he could at least pull on a pair of gym shorts. Takes two seconds.
OMG, the fact that he is older makes me even more disgusted, I thought maybe he was fresh out of living at home with his mommy and daddy and didn't know better.
OP, this is absolutely not acceptable.
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