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So, whah, whah, whah, your husband is a victim of his father and for 10 years, hear that 10 years, you are now a victim of not only the FIL but your husband. Whah, whah, whah, Daddy doesn't like me, why doesn't Daddy love me..." Sweet Jesus!
This is straight out of Dr. Phil. You were the PERFECT wife for your husband. Literally, it was like radar and you fit the bill 10 years ago and you have played the part perfectly. And now you come here and everyone talks suggests, advises... and there it is, the yes, but...
this is absolutely outrageous! Now it's all coming out & daylux, the more you post, the worst it looks on you & your husband's parts. Yes well you've put up w/ it for years, so don't complain about him being a manipulative, toxic, mind- game-playing fool.
So now because of this 1 a-hole, you couldn't have any of your side of the family back for your housewarming party at your own house over for just 1 man!!!!!!
You, your husband, & all his family are all weak enablers & your husband is a horrendous husband. You said you don't have kids. Please don't have any!
You put up w/ your husband the way your mil puts up w/ that immoral fil. I guess you'll stay married for 40 yrs of completely wasted years too like she is.
looks like the narcissistic men in this family purposefully picked weak, soft, no backboned women to marry. They couldn't handle a strong woman whatsoever. They'd think they're a "nag". A lot of men do that so they can have all the power/control in the marriage but their wives are too docile to speak up. I can't even imagine how your marriage is!
Ya think? Some of the bile being thrown at the OP in those last 3 posts brings to mind the FIL. It is one thing to point out problems and make useful suggestions to deal with them and quite another to just hit the person on the head with a skillet. Namecalling, directing someone not to give birth....that was supposed to be productive? Really!?!? Nasty, juvenile.
OP maybe you should request the thread be closed. You got a lot of good advice and I hope you act on it. You didn't deserve to be abused by a bunch of strangers. Your FIL is bad enough.
Last edited by Parnassia; 11-26-2019 at 03:01 PM..
Ya think? Some of the bile being thrown at the OP in those last 3 posts brings to mind the FIL. It is one thing to point out problems and make useful suggestions to deal with them and quite another to just hit the person on the head with a skillet. Namecalling, directing someone not to give birth....that was supposed to be productive? Really!?!? Nasty, juvenile.
OP maybe you should request the thread be closed. You got a lot of good advice and I hope you act on it. You didn't deserve to be abused by a bunch of strangers. Your FIL is bad enough.
Agreed.
OP, take note of the good, well meaning advice given and ignore the meanness and overdramatic crap. I wish you and your hubby luck as you navigate the holidays this year. Keep your head up.
This is absolutely outrageous! Now it's ALL coming out & daylux, the more you post, the worst it looks on YOU & YOUR HUSBAND'S parts. Yes well you've put up w/ it for years, so don't complain about him being a manipulative, toxic, mind- game-playing fool.
So now because of this 1 a-hole, you couldn't have any of your side of the family back for YOUR housewarming party at YOUR own house over for just 1 man!!!!!!
You, your husband, & all his family are ALL weak ENABLERS & your husband is a horrendous husband. You said you don't have kids. Please don't have any!
You put up w/ your husband the way your MIL puts up w/ that immoral FIL. I guess you'll stay married for 40 yrs of completely wasted years too like she is.
Looks like the narcissistic men in this family purposefully picked weak, soft, no backboned women to marry. They couldn't handle a strong woman whatsoever. They'd think they're a "nag". A lot of men do that so they can have all the power/control in the marriage but their wives are too docile to speak up. I can't even imagine how YOUR marriage is!
I do apologize for my last sentence in the 1st paragraph here. I feel for you OP, but people even one's own spouse/family members, unfortunately, will take advantage of the docile, quiet people who don't want to make waves.
The rest of it though is spot-on. If everyone in that family had shown that they won't tolerate that kind of horrendous behavior long ago, FIL might have straightened up, but of course pretending not to hear, running into the other rooms, etc. just gives him more "power" to be nasty.
Someone bad out there is always someone's father, brother, uncle, aunt, cousin, sister, etc.
If you have to be around someone you don't like to the extent you don't even want to look at them, how the heck do you do it? No getting out of it, it's accepted by everyone he's abusive (not just to me), nothing will change. So how?
I challenge the "no getting out of it" part of above. If you were sick and in the hospital I guarantee you'd not be attending any T-giving dinner. You do have a choice unless someone is literally holding a gun at you and your life is in danger. Outside of that it's always an option, a choice.
The way you get out of it is to say "No Way" to your husband, and tell husband he'll be attending that family dinner alone.
I actually did just this with a boyfriend I lived with for many years. He and I would go to visit his family 2 hrs away every T-giving and Xmas. Dysfunctional family. Boyfriend was the middle child with a very snooty older sis and snooty younger brother. Other than 'Hi' and 'Bye' they'd ignore me. I liked his dad but he was quiet and always doing stuff, keeping busy. His mom was a bit snooty and petty but not as bad as the 2 siblings. I went from having a somewhat tolerable time in the early years to eventually being downright miserable at these dysfunctional family events after awhile. Boyfriend would get into a squabble because his siblings were not nice to him (either). Then he and I would argue after leaving because it was so bad and just a very toxic environment.
Finally, the last 3 years I was with this boyfriend I stopped traveling to holidays at his parent's home altogether. I refused to go anymore. He went alone and dealt with that crew.
...I actually did just this with a boyfriend I lived with for many years. He and I would go to visit his family 2 hrs away every T-giving and Xmas. Dysfunctional family. Boyfriend was the middle child with a very snooty older sis and snooty younger brother. Other than 'Hi' and 'Bye' they'd ignore me. I liked his dad but he was quiet and always doing stuff, keeping busy. His mom was a bit snooty and petty but not as bad as the 2 siblings. I went from having a somewhat tolerable time in the early years to eventually being downright miserable at these dysfunctional family events after awhile. Boyfriend would get into a squabble because his siblings were not nice to him (either). Then he and I would argue after leaving because it was so bad and just a very toxic environment.
Finally, the last 3 years I was with this boyfriend I stopped traveling to holidays at his parent's home altogether. I refused to go anymore. He went alone and dealt with that crew.
Same here & my fiance's family sounds just like your BF's family. I stopped going w/ my fiance' to his family's get-togethers for MOST of our dating life way BEFORE he finally saw the light of how horrendous they all were & went no contact w/ them himself. I was always nice & made the best of it the few & far between times I did go.
So I agree, no one has a gun to anyone's head to go. A grown adult should be able to do what they want & if not, then being forced to a holiday get together is the least of their many problems, I'm sure in which why would anyone want a miserable life like that....being forced to do things they don't want to do & walking on eggshells for everyone they don't even like.
It almost always does here on C-D. Someone comes here for some advice or just wants to vent and the next thing you know they are attacked. I quit sharing personal family things on here because of it.
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I feel for you OP, but people even one's own spouse/family members, unfortunately, will take advantage of the docile, quiet people who don't want to make waves.
