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Why would he need to go back to his family? Is she supporting this fellow?
What other changes did this high fever cause?
Both my daughter and my son-in-law have Schizoaffective Disorder. You can read some of my other posts about my daughter and her journey, and what she has been through. My SIL developed Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome (NMS) from Abilify. This is a very deadly illness. He was in intensive care for several days, and then a few weeks in a facility to recover the ability to function. He had a high fever for many days, and it effected his brain. Before the NMS, he was able to work and live on his own. He can no longer do these things. She takes care of him in a lot of ways, like making sure he takes his meds, etc. He is not helpless by any means, but he is not the same man he was. None of this is his fault. With any drug there are possible negative side effects.
The only anti-psychotic med he can take is an older one. The newer ones are better and allow a higher level of functioning, but it is too dangerous for him to take any of them because of his history of NMS.
Their marriage is not an unhappy one. They love each other and want to be together. All marriages have their ups and downs, and theirs is no different. His family is toxic and not supportive. As frustrated as she gets with him sometimes, she would never abandon him to these people.
Several times DD was to the point of telling him to just move back to his family, but she takes her marriage vows very seriously and will not abandon him to send him back to their abusive ways. As much as I can't stand seeing her hurt, I have to admire her conviction to abide by the promises she made before God.
It's too bad he hasn't... ("forsaking all others," etc.)
And it doesn't sound like he has a problem with "their abusive ways."
Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann
I would REFUSE to stoop down to their level and put the in-laws on the spot like that.
Gifts are given in love. Forcing the purchase of a gift makes that gift totally WORTHLESS, IMO.
It doesn't sound like she cares about a gift. It sounds like the problem is that the lack of a gift makes it totally obvious to everyone around that they are rejecting her.
These problems seem to manifest with the spouse of the person who is being ostracized (often male spouse). Because the spouse doesn't stand up for themselves or their partner, the partner is left swinging in the breeze, dealing with a dysfunctional situation in which they have become a target and get no overt support.
There's "being supportive" to a husband (or wife) and then there's being a doormat. Spineless spouses are a bane and going along to get along is merely an invitation to more of the same behavior.
I believe in the following (great quote) by Paul F. Davis: "In life go where you are celebrated, not merely tolerated."
Get your daughter a gift and wrap it up. Give it to your son-in-law. “Jeff, since Susie gets overlooked when your family does gifts, can you please hide this and slip this in with others when gifts are exchanged so she has something too. I know I’m being a helicopter Mom but it hurts my heart to think of my sweet girl being slighted.â€
I think your SIL will def get the message!
That is just so passively aggressive and icky. You have to be a real manipulator to think up something like this.
All the husband needs to say if you can't bring gifts for all don't bring gifts for any of us. We are teaching our daughter rules of etiquette and would appreciate it if you would respect our wishes.
All the husband needs to say if you can't bring gifts for all don't bring gifts for any of us. We are teaching our daughter rules of etiquette and would appreciate it if you would respect our wishes.
All the husband needs to say if you can't bring gifts for all don't bring gifts for any of us. We are teaching our daughter rules of etiquette and would appreciate it if you would respect our wishes.
It's too bad he hasn't... ("forsaking all others," etc.)
And it doesn't sound like he has a problem with "their abusive ways."
It doesn't sound like she cares about a gift. It sounds like the problem is that the lack of a gift makes it totally obvious to everyone around that they are rejecting her.
All the husband needs to say if you can't bring gifts for all don't bring gifts for any of us. We are teaching our daughter rules of etiquette and would appreciate it if you would respect our wishes.
Take the gifts and toss in the front yard. Let them know you will bring them in when the list is complete. Good God, I am so happy my MILs (plural) were wonderful. My SIL, married to my brother, is an angel from God. Yeah, I have a jerk BIL, but it is OK, as my sister is also a major jerk - so that makes sense.
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