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Your family will NEVER change and you can only build your future. If you let them back in an inch, you will spend the rest of your life regretting the decision.
I think it's sad they've undone 4 years of hard work on my emotional and mental well-being. I finally felt more or less free from their influence, burden and pain. Now, I will have to go back to therapy and work through these emotions all over again. God only knows how long it's going to take me this time around.
I couldn't hold it together at work today. I had to isolate myself in a room and cry my heart out for roughly 40 minutes. I've never felt so vulnerable and small as an adult. I'm usually a happy go lucky person, but I completely retreated. The fact that this affected in the workplace is even more concerning as I am usually the type of person to be fully focused on work. I forced myself to make it through the day as there is no way I will allow this to affect how I function or my life.
I also cannot get over the fact that I read that hateful message from my brother at work. Everytime I go back to my seat, I recall that message. I can't even handle the smallest issue at work these days because I just feel paralyzed. It's sad to see and to go through.
I'm completely alone. I do not have a partner or distant relatives or siblings. Perhaps one day I will have a family I can call my own. I've never really wanted to have a family or children, but this episode made me rethink the whole thing (not to worry, I won't be rushing to have kids to fill in this void - I don't want to be a bad parent and need to work through these issues first).
Pretty sad how families can turn out. Its not all roses, that's for sure. You think back to being little kids, the playing in the yard, the birthday parties, the Christmases- and it turns out like this.
Pretty sad how families can turn out. Its not all roses, that's for sure. You think back to being little kids, the playing in the yard, the birthday parties, the Christmases- and it turns out like this.
They are nutso.
The bolded never happened. My family does not celebrate Christmas & we were not allowed to have birthday parties, nor was I (a girl) allowed to attend some, especially if it included boys and "white" (their terms) people.
I never had the chance to play in the yard as I spent my time in my bedroom doing homework or being quiet out of fear my mother would barge in and beat me out of the blue (happened more than once). I don't really recall a whole lot of happy memories.
Last edited by LostinPhilly; 11-26-2019 at 01:55 PM..
I think it's sad they've undone 4 years of hard work on my emotional and mental well-being. I finally felt more or less free from their influence, burden and pain. Now, I will have to go back to therapy and work through these emotions all over again. God only knows how long it's going to take me this time around.
I couldn't hold it together at work today. I had to isolate myself in a room and cry my heart out for roughly 40 minutes. I've never felt so vulnerable and small as an adult. I'm usually a happy go lucky person, but I completely retreated. The fact that this affected in the workplace is even more concerning as I am usually the type of person to be fully focused on work. I forced myself to make it through the day as there is no way I will allow this to affect how I function or my life.
I also cannot get over the fact that I read that hateful message from my brother at work. Everytime I go back to my seat, I recall that message. I can't even handle the smallest issue at work these days because I just feel paralyzed. It's sad to see and to go through.
I'm completely alone. I do not have a partner or distant relatives or siblings. Perhaps one day I will have a family I can call my own. I've never really wanted to have a family or children, but this episode made me rethink the whole thing (not to worry, I won't be rushing to have kids to fill in this void - I don't want to be a bad parent and need to work through these issues first).
It may just be temporary emotional upheaval. We tend to revert back to the dysfunction of our childhoods when we're with toxic family members. Right now, you're in shock and disappointed. That doesn't mean all your hard work was undone - it just means you need a minute to get over this temporary shock and disappointment.
You already have the answers within you. You've done the work. They needed something so they tried to manipulate you and when that didn't work, it made them angry and they lashed out at you. It has zero to do with you and everything to do with their dysfunction.
It may just be temporary emotional upheaval. We tend to revert back to the dysfunction of our childhoods when we're with toxic family members. Right now, you're in shock and disappointed. That doesn't mean all your hard work was undone - it just means you need a minute to get over this temporary shock and disappointment.
You already have the answers within you. You've done the work. They needed something so they tried to manipulate you and when that didn't work, it made them angry and they lashed out at you. It has zero to do with you and everything to do with their dysfunction.
I'm sorry you went through this. You'll be fine.
Yes, I hope it is just a temporary upheaval. Perhaps it was the closure I needed to finally allow myself to grieve, heal and move on with my life. I think subsconciously I was holding on to the fantasy that they may miss me and thus changed their ways, but it seems it's even worse than it was before.
They spend their days preaching about religion and how other people are evil and sinners, yet they're the first to throw hate at their daughter/sibling for money. I highly doubt religion encourages hatred resulting from money-related conflicts.
The best that I can do is pray for these people to live a peaceful and abundant life away from me. At this stage, their are strangers to me.
Philly, you are probably about the age of my children and this situation breaks my heart.
I agree with the poster who said this a a temporary upheaval. You have already done the hard work and right now you are dealing with shock and dismay over their reaction. See your therapist and get help on how to deal with this episode, but you have laid the healthy groundwork for your life.
Look upon the situation as now YOU have the power. They lashed out in such a nasty manner because you did not cave in to their demands. You have the control, not them, and they know it (and are angry).
This is not what they expected and they are using last ditch efforts to have you come running back for their approval. They thought they raised you to always fit in their dysfunctional mode and you proved them wrong.
Have you looked into whether there is a local support group for people who have left the particular religion that seems to be the basis of your family's behavior (Jehovah's Witness? One of the other Pentecostal sects? -- just guessing from your mention of not celebrating Christmas or birthdays). if you could connect with others who have had similar experiences with their families, it might help you come to terms with what is going on in your family.
If you can't find such a group in real life, you might be able to find an online community of people who are dealing with families in the grip of the same religious obsession who could help you navigate your way to peace of mind.
I should have probably just ignored the request and carried on with my life.
I thought by giving them an honest answer, I would give them some courtesy and they would be able to look for an alternative faster instead of relying on me.
No, they just decided to lash out. I think it's time to close this chapter. There is nothing left to salvage, it's crystal clear now and it certainly cleared all doubts and "what ifs" I had.
This is where you need to get -to a place where it doesn't matter to you, it is not your problem or yours to care about being courteous to them or have concern about their problems. They don't care about yours. They knew you would "care" at some level, thinking that it might be enough to reel you in. If you don't care then you can just ignore and yes go on with your life.
Yes, I hope it is just a temporary upheaval. Perhaps it was the closure I needed to finally allow myself to grieve, heal and move on with my life. I think subsconciously I was holding on to the fantasy that they may miss me and thus changed their ways, but it seems it's even worse than it was before.
They spend their days preaching about religion and how other people are evil and sinners, yet they're the first to throw hate at their daughter/sibling for money. I highly doubt religion encourages hatred resulting from money-related conflicts.
The best that I can do is pray for these people to live a peaceful and abundant life away from me. At this stage, their are strangers to me.
Take it from someone who is older than dirt. Even with years of counseling you will go to your grave hoping things will one day be different - and once they're gone - wishing they had been. The pain never goes away - it's the pain of a child who didn't get what they needed - and it remains long after you've stopped blaming yourself and wondering what you could have done differently to be more lovable in their eyes.
There's no figuring them out. They're needy, unhealthy, unstable, and instead of trying to seek help, they probably turned to religion. You did the right thing by saying you couldn't help them. Once you tend to the wound they've reopened, you'll feel better. Right now things are raw and you need to vent. That's all this is, I think.
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