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I am in school and live with a female roommate. I am 28m and she is 25F but acts like a child. I will cut to the chase, but my roomie got me to open up, pretended to be my friend, always getting involved with my personal life, asking about my personal life I would blow her off at first always giving vague answer. Roomie asked about my relationship one time and my gf and I were going through issues so I vented. Basically chilling in the apartment drinking and chatting. I specifically asked her that if I tell her then anything that is said in the apartment stays here which she agreed. I was naive and vented to her. I basically said certain things and that my gf was acting like a "****" which she was. My roomie tells my gf what I called her and we break up. I didn't know why at the time because my gf said she promised her not to tell. So I was left in the dark about why we are breaking up. They aren't really friends either.
One thing that pissed me off the most was during that time I was sad and vulnerable (still thought she was my "friend" had no clue she was backstabbing me). I was talking to someone else and she was getting involved as well (keep in mind I didn't know her character yet). Later I find out from multiple people throughout the months that she has been gossiping about me to everyone she basically talks to about my personal life. Our program is a pretty small community. I for one never asked her about her personal life, never gossiped about her to anyone, never tried to ruin her relationships, never pretended to be someone I am not. For me if we make an agreement on something I take that seriously since I am a man of honor.
One of her friends that I kinda knew said I have heard so much about you from your roomie, another one of her friends came up to me and said do you miss your gf? in like a sarcastic way (I barely even know this person and that is one of the first thing she says to me), another one of her friends asked my friend if I was still dating my ex gf? Keep in mind these are people that I don't know at all and don't know her name and these people are all friends with my roomie. There is no way they would know about my relationship other than my roomie.
So my roomie is very good at being two face person and behind my back she has been doing this. I was able to piece all the information together. I thought about letting it go, but I felt that I have been very cordial and respectful towards her throughout this whole time living together. I did not want to make my living situation uncomfortable and awkward. She probably doesn't know that I secretly resent her. I am thinking about before our lease ends which is soon that I will sit her down and have a chat with her. I feel that in her head she justifies herself for screwing me over and has people that enables her behavior. She is immature child who makes poor decisions throughout her life and had parents bail her out. I am very nice person and patient, but I feel that if I don't speak my mind I will be thinking about how badly she screwed me over.
Some of my friends said let it go, my mom said let it go. She really made my experience sucky here and its easy to say let it go when it didn't affect you. It still makes me upset when I think about it. If anything before we part ways I am thinking about saying I am just glad I don't have to deal with you anymore and walk off. What do you think I should do?
Tl;DR Roomie pretended to be my friend, invaded my personal life, backstabbed me by ruining my relationship and gossiping about me to everyone. Should I confront her?
Last edited by FeistyCar7; 11-26-2019 at 07:42 AM..
Hmmm... You clearly should not have called your now ex gf whatever the term was (the c or the s word?).
Follow the advice... Let it go and move on. She'll get her comeuppance. You should be very wary about feeling and talking about your relationships like that, it never works out well.
Life lessons: don’t tell people anything you don’t want repeated. People cannot keep secrets. Never discuss your relationship issues with anyone except therapists or here on C-D.
Life lessons: don’t tell people anything you don’t want repeated. People cannot keep secrets. Never discuss your relationship issues with anyone except therapists or here on C-D.
Agree
When someone wants to tell me something and starts off by saying - don't repeat this
I let them know - I'm old and careless - so it might come out - who knows. So continue if you want, but you have been warned.
What do you think you will accomplish by having the “chat” with her? I can think of no constructive outcome.
She will become defensive and possibly nasty. She could vengefully destroy or steal your possessions, and say worse things to others behind your back. At the least you will have an upsetting scene on your hands.
IMO, you need to leave the program cleanly. You are moving on, so move on. You have learned not to trust random people with your thoughts or problems.
But I am going to theorize that you badly want to have it out with her, and that you will. Thus you will learn the hard way about what your priorities should be.
The truth is, you have the rest of your life ahead of you. You will be leaving this situation behind. You are in a position to make a clean break.
Move out and be done with her. I wouldn't recommend that you have it out with her, because to you it may just be a chat, to her, (she lies, remember?) it would be like: "I was scared for my life. I've never seen him so angry." I wouldn't put anything past a liar and a gossip, so watch yourself. I was going to suggest that you write a letter, but again, she'll probably share the "juicy tidbits" on social media. So I'm with your friends and mom, let it go.
I am in school and live with a female roommate. I am 28m and she is 25F but acts like a child. I will cut to the chase, but my roomie got me to open up, pretended to be my friend, always getting involved with my personal life, asking about my personal life I would blow her off at first always giving vague answer. Roomie asked about my relationship one time and my gf and I were going through issues so I vented. Basically chilling in the apartment drinking and chatting. I specifically asked her that if I tell her then anything that is said in the apartment stays here which she agreed. I was naive and vented to her. I basically said certain things and that my gf was acting like a "****" which she was. My roomie tells my gf what I called her and we break up. I didn't know why at the time because my gf said she promised her not to tell. So I was left in the dark about why we are breaking up. They aren't really friends either.
One thing that pissed me off the most was during that time I was sad and vulnerable (still thought she was my "friend" had no clue she was backstabbing me). I was talking to someone else and she was getting involved as well (keep in mind I didn't know her character yet). Later I find out from multiple people throughout the months that she has been gossiping about me to everyone she basically talks to about my personal life. Our program is a pretty small community. I for one never asked her about her personal life, never gossiped about her to anyone, never tried to ruin her relationships, never pretended to be someone I am not. For me if we make an agreement on something I take that seriously since I am a man of honor.
One of her friends that I kinda knew said I have heard so much about you from your roomie, another one of her friends came up to me and said do you miss your gf? in like a sarcastic way (I barely even know this person and that is one of the first thing she says to me), another one of her friends asked my friend if I was still dating my ex gf? Keep in mind these are people that I don't know at all and don't know her name and these people are all friends with my roomie. There is no way they would know about my relationship other than my roomie.
So my roomie is very good at being two face person and behind my back she has been doing this. I was able to piece all the information together. I thought about letting it go, but I felt that I have been very cordial and respectful towards her throughout this whole time living together. I did not want to make my living situation uncomfortable and awkward. She probably doesn't know that I secretly resent her. I am thinking about before our lease ends which is soon that I will sit her down and have a chat with her. I feel that in her head she justifies herself for screwing me over and has people that enables her behavior. She is immature child who makes poor decisions throughout her life and had parents bail her out. I am very nice person and patient, but I feel that if I don't speak my mind I will be thinking about how badly she screwed me over.
Some of my friends said let it go, my mom said let it go. She really made my experience sucky here and its easy to say let it go when it didn't affect you. It still makes me upset when I think about it. If anything before we part ways I am thinking about saying I am just glad I don't have to deal with you anymore and walk off. What do you think I should do?
Tl;DR Roomie pretended to be my friend, invaded my personal life, backstabbed me by ruining my relationship and gossiping about me to everyone. Should I confront her?
Well you didn't say when you plan on parting ways? Do you have a lease, are you stuck with her for the next 6 months or so? Is her name on the lease as well as yours?
IDK if I would say anything because these types will just lie to your face and say it must be some misunderstanding.
My concern would be does she stand outside your bedroom door when you're on your phone? If you get any mail at home concerning student loans, credit cards, etc. Is she trying to get a look at your finances, or going on your computer?
People who do what she did, also do the things I just mentioned. In other words you can trust her about as far as you can throw her. I would just plan on making other living arrangements and you don't tell her or anyone you have in common until you have a plan in place. You don't screw her over, you give a month's notice and no other details, or you just be vague and say you want to live alone(even if you're moving in with someone else).
I would let it go like your mom said, but consider what she did as giving you gift in a way, and this isn't someone you want in your life. My favorite Maya Angelou quote is "when people show themselves to you, believe them".
She has shown you exactly who she is, time to cut contact ASAP.
Move out & leave it all in the past. Chalk it up to a lesson learned. Do not discuss your relationships with strangers. If you need to vent, find another way.
Move out & leave it all in the past. Chalk it up to a lesson learned. Do not discuss your relationships with strangers. If you need to vent, find another way.
she wasnt a stranger she pretended to be my friend, lived with eachother, act cool in front of me to my face and then backstabbed me.
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