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No, I don't often do things that require forgiveness.
Perhaps we get more set in our ways as we get older (less flexible) thus making friendships harder, I don't know.
Thank you Forever Blue.
It's just the fact that everything was fine between us while she was in school, so I'm not understanding why things changed. But maybe she has new friends.
Sure thing!
When I say I had 1 friend at various time throughout my life, I meant like Mary was my friend during this time & then she moved away or whatever & then maybe some yrs later, I met & was pals w/ Susan for a time, etc.
There could be a billion reasons why people stop being one's friends. Often times, we'll never know the really reason. I was friends w/ this lady for about 10 yrs. Not close, but more than acquaintances & for no reason at all, I didn't hear from her anymore. I tried to see why, but I didn't keep on trying. They're no better than me nor I to them, so nowadays, I get the generic "Happy Thanksgiving" or 'Merry Christmas" text from her & that's it. Oh well. No one can MAKE anyone be anyone's friend. I'm not going to cry about it.
Just move on & try to meet other people, live your life, & be happy.
Don't waste your time and energy pursuing a friendship that has obviously become one-sided. True friends get together, because they both want to do it.
OP - I respect your gentleness in touching base with her. It is NOT needy. So please keep moving forward on this quest to re-unite the friendship. I would suggest though ...Saying something along the lines of : Next Tuesday is the Opening of XYZ, Lets get together and go! This puts a definitive plan into place and starts the ball rolling as to what you can both look forward too. Sometimes a person just has to jump in...Pick a plan Then decide what works. The "Let me know when you have free time" Sometimes doesn't meet the goal of actually getting together.
I wouldn't say ...try harder, so much as chose a different way to co-ordinate a day out to meet.
It shouldn't or wouldn't matter to me if the person is male or female. If you see that you're being blown off, who needs them?! I never had friends really either except 1 during a few various times in my whole life. I've never, ever been a part of a group of friends or anything. But I'm not going to make or beg ANYONE to be my friend. Always remember...
If someone really wants to do something, they will. If they don't, they won't.
People know if they want to get together w/ you or not. You don't have to keep reminding them, looking desperate & all that.
I wholly agree with you. I've never been into having lots of friends - in fact, I'm quite the introvert. You could say that my fiance, my brother, and my one remaining aunt we my best friends these days. I had one good friend in grade school, stayed to myself during Jr High and later. I'd rather read than hang out with others TBH. I'd also never chase after anyone, make or female. When I broke up with guys, that was it. It would be the same with women if I had friends of my own gender.
Thanks for the advice. Everyone needs good friends so being "needy" is not the issue here. I just don't have family near me (besides hubby) nor do we have children, so I have more time to devote to friends. Susan is in the same situation, but I guess work is keeping her busy or stressed.
ONE person is advising me to make contact again. So perhaps, after the holidays, I will send her an email, and just let her know that I am here for her if she ever wants to reconnect.
In 2014 I met a woman my age in a meetup group and we hit it off (I'll call her Susan)...we were good friends for the next 2 years. At one point in early 2016 she got mad at me for something I said (she's more sensitive than I realized) and she seemed to be ending the friendship, but I said a lot of things in email from my heart and I won her back. Our last emails were in May 2016 and everything seemed fine. At that point she went back to college for a degree, it was very intense and her social life completely shut down. I don't remember if I saw her again that year. We chatted on FB now and then. After she got her degree, she took a job working nights. As far as I know no one in the group ever saw her again. A few months ago I messaged her, I thanked her for some advice she gave me years ago that was very profound and still helpful now. I told her I missed her. She replied "I miss everyone" and said she was quitting her job in another month. So now she has a job working days, and I talked about getting together, she wrote "sounds good." I waited a few weeks and wrote back saying "I don't want to keep pestering you, if you want to get together, let me know." She never replied.
The issue for me is that I've been struggling with friendships since we moved to TN. They just don't last and in the past few years I lost 3 long time, very close female friends and I don't even understand why. Susan has been the only friend who's forgiven me for something. And she is the only friend I've had who really took an interest in my life and didn't go on and on about herself. She is the only ex-friend I truly miss. We have quite a few things in common. It seems like we're done but she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. When I first messaged her a few months ago, I think she had unfriended me, but I friended her back, she just doesn't post on FB anymore. Should I let her go? Or ask for a definitive answer? Or just keep making efforts? Wait til next year? Please advise.
I never end friendships but I do let go of them. However, determining when to let go of them happens through the phone and not through messaging. When you say you messaged her to reconnect, it tells me there is already distance between you two and that somebody is walking around egg shells. There is insecurity.
Instead, I will call and if the friend doesn't answer, a voicemail is left. "Hello. We haven't talked in a while. I just wanted to call and say hi and see how your are. Call me back when you get a chance." If she doesn't return the call, then it is time to move on. No follow up with messages.
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