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I work at a university. My entire career has been in higher ed.
Yes, it's bizarre.
You're only 31.
1000's of university graduates never even attend their own graduation ceremony, so all parents are certainly not expected to attend.
And there are different milieus among the various types and locations and sizes of all the varied universities and colleges throughout the U.S.
Speak for your own supposed university where you say you happen to work.
It is not 'bizarre'.
Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00
P.S. I remember spending hours of class time learning how to write checks and balance a checkbook. I'm 31 years old and still have the original checkbook I got when I opened a bank account when I was 18 - and half the checks are still there! That's how rarely I have to use those skills. Balance a checkbook? Not a once.
Obviously if the student doesn’t attend the graduation neither would the parents. Mine went to everything and so did we. My ex and my mom flew out for my son’s college graduation. It’s a big deal.
Obviously if the student doesn’t attend the graduation neither would the parents. Mine went to everything and so did we. My ex and my mom flew out for my son’s college graduation. It’s a big deal.
My father couldn't bother to drive 4 miles to my high school graduation. College graduations were a different matter since I was out of state.
You would think he could have bothered to go to my first wedding 20 years ago, but again it's always about what's convenient for him.
Again, I don't want him at this wedding. What frustrates me is he is preventing my mother from attending. Or maybe better said, she is letting him prevent her from attending.
But yeah, I need to set my expectations to zero for either of them.
Since you moved your household and literally followed your adult kids to the Pacific Northwest to be near your adult kids and grandchildren, it is not surprising that you would state the above nor surprising you would hold the above opinions. Which is fine that you choose your various options.
Not sure if the OP ended up calling his father on his father's recent birthday, but I think a phone call from the OP to his father on his father's birthday is completely unnecessary. (I think birthdays are very much too trumped up in adulthood)
I just want to state, that my kids wanted us to do what we did. This was restated to us this past Thanksgiving, as a matter of fact. I feel like you are attacking me, and I can’t imagine why.
It is normal for parents to attend milestone events such as graduations and weddings. When parents don’t do this, it is surprising. Because usually proud parents do.
Obviously if the student doesn’t attend the graduation neither would the parents. Mine went to everything and so did we. My ex and my mom flew out for my son’s college graduation. It’s a big deal.
I agree with this. I did not attend my post HS graduations because if convenience, mainly. But I was there for all my kids’ graduations. One wedding was held far away, and we did not attend, but we flew to be at a later gathering. I made sure to be at these events. When discussing parents who have not attended, it has been in a ”would you believe?” type of conversation,
But why has this become a major issue in this thread? OP’s father has a history of selfish actions concerning his family. His lack of attendance is part of his pattern of selfishness. I stand by earlier post. OP needs to find a way to deal with constant parental disappointments, for the sake of his mental health.
He understand his father’s behavior is not that of a loving father. We don’t have to debate that. We understand it too. But OP has to deal with it continually.
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