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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 24 days ago)
35,735 posts, read 18,082,654 times
Reputation: 50779
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You're nearly 40, and it sounds like this is a VERY recent thing that you don't need their money anymore? Like, within the last 2 years?
I have a son like you, although he's not nearly as old as you are but he's finally launched. You can't imagine the worrying a parent does when their offspring won't launch, spends too much money to the point that they're still on my dole, and refuses to answer texts and emails.
The imagination runs wild. Is he on the streets? Has he turned to drug dealing to make money? Is he actually dead?
Change your bank account - that's just a really flimsy excuse that you won't do it, and won't return their money.
Once you actually DO launch, and are living a stable life, this will stop and your parents will stop driving themselves crazy worrying about you.
Good Grief! They love you and miss you. They are just wanting to make a connection and have a few days where they aren't worrying about you. Where is your understanding and compassion? How hard can it be to do whatever you need to reassure them? An "All is well" text every morning wouldn't kill you.
I'd like to say I hope you have kids someday so you'll have a better understanding of this, but not sure if having kids is a good idea for you.
Do you have any idea how lucky you are to have such caring parents?
As long as you accept their money and their gifts....you owe them something. Close the bank account. It’s not going to do a thing to your credit score. Return the parcels, unopened, marked “Refused.” You don’t even pay postage as long as it has not been opened.
In 10 or 15 years when they’re gone and hopefully you are a bit more mature, you are going to sit and wonder why you treated them like cr**. And feel guilty and sad. You’ll deserve it.
As for the phone, you can transfer your number to a tracphone $20/ for3 months talk & text, an extra 10 gets you a bit of data. Use the money you get from your parents. Explain you have to work holidays and hopefully they will appreciate your job dedication. You don't have to keep this phone in your pocket but check it from time to time.
As for lodging, look for another sublease or monthly room rental. Practice toning down any life anxiety around prospective roommates.
Quick update. I replied to dad's email where he forwarded tracking info and asked me to acknowledge receipt of a package with Thanks, I received it. Nice gesture! I thought that would give him the message that yes I'm alive...and buy me some time to answer his next message about him whining how he can't reach me by phone and how this is not the first time, how worried they are, etc. His message read exactly like a parent worried about their teenage staying out all night, even though I'm an adult in my 30s.
Then today he replied to the delivery email again, with another tracking number...seems they sent a second package and he wants me to advise when I picked it up AND what about my phone? So you see, I give in a little by answering one message but that's not enough for him, now he persistently follows up and needs to know when I picked up the package? Who cares when I pick it up? He has the tracking number, he can see when it's been delivered. The place happens to close when I'm still at work and I'd have to go before work to get it. The point is, I should be able to pick it up at my convenience and not have to answer to anyone about when I do. It's yet another way my dad is trying to control me with money/gifts and I'm fed up. If he gets confirmation of delivery, that should be enough.
Update: package was delivered and dad sent that confirmation, copying my mom on all messages. Next step: he wants me to confirm pick up. I'm not going to rush out the door before work to do that, I'll go at my convenience. Nor do I feel like answering immediately.
Please advise what to answer him to make the messages stop. And no, I don't feel like caving with a phone number yet because then he'll blow up my phone and be even more persistent.
What is so hard about 'Thank you, I'll let you know when I am able to go pick it up'? You're an ungrateful snot.
Gonna say it. I have three twenty-something kids. No one ever accused me of being a helicopter parent. But if I sent one of them a text that went unanswered for several days followed by an e-mail that went unanswered for a couple of days after that, I'd be concerned.
To be perfectly frank, you sound like a complete brat.
I am 30 and still contact my parents regularly. ( usually weekly) Keeps them from blowing up my phone, plus we get along very well. They know I am ok so it gives them peace of mind. It only takes seconds to respond to a text, and well worth your effort to keep them off you back.
Ignoring their texts just causes them more worry and more urgency to find out if you’re ok.
“Hi guys, I am healthy and happy.”... and be done with it.
Gonna say it. I have three twenty-something kids. No one ever accused me of being a helicopter parent. But if I sent one of them a text that went unanswered for several days followed by an e-mail that went unanswered for a couple of days after that, I'd be concerned.
To be perfectly frank, you sound like a complete brat.
It would be bratty no matter what, but he takes their money!
I have a brother like this. He resents having to send an email and say thank you. Flat out told my Aunt that. She likes to send us money on birthdays and Christmas and he sent her a long rant saying I don't need it (he could use it!) and don't send it because I don't like the obligation to say thank you.
Strange. At least he said don't send anymore though. OP keeps taking the money.
Ok I verified my last contact with my parents. Nov 13: mom called me asking where I live now (I've been moving around a lot but didn't tell her that exactly), and I gave my most frequent airbnb house address. I've been here since Sept and move out on weekends, return during weekdays.
Nov 14: I emailed her and dad the address, some photos then replied to my dad about some comments Nov 16. On Nov 22: I texted mom some random comment about the nature I see in the area. No contact since. Phone plan expired Dec 1. Dad emailed me Dec 9 about a package they sent, did I receive it to my P.O. Box? I was off work and wanted to rest, so I did. Today he sent the anxious email I quoted in my OP (in italics). So yeah, I guess if he texted me Dec 1-Dec 11 without a reply and called getting a customer not available message, I guess I can see how he, being the anxious person he is, was worried.
But what if one day I decided to go "dark" on them for a few months? Would that be impossible for them to deal with? I could see them calling my office main line and inquire (they'd don't have my direct line) , which could cause issues at work.
OMG you think YOUR parents are bad? You should see me when I am worried about one of my adult kids. I leave no stone unturned. Work? Lol; you wish ... I wage entire social media wars.
Have you seen the news recently? Parents worry. You guys are going missing every day & honestly if you can't politely return a text msg or email you cause MORE anxiety, not less.
People keep referring to the OP as a "he" but based on another thread I think she's a she.
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