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If you must know, I moved out of my usual airbnb room to another one because the host is preparing to rent out the house over the Christmas holidays and wants to keep it available for entire space bookings. Where I am currently is $50/night cash no fees and I'm here for 2 nights. It's about 45 miles round trip commute from work so 1.5 hr with traffic. I agree this constant moving is wasting a lot of time and money. Living out of a suitcase full time can be stressful but I don't want to burden my parents with that part of my life, so don't feel the need to explain it.
I can return Sunday or Monday for up to 4 nights at a cost of about $65/night fees included. But I'm unsure I want to return because those hosts behaved badly last week by claiming they'd visit during the day to prepare the house for future guests when in fact they came at night, staying until 3am 3 times, having late night meetings with their "team", being a nuisance and brushing off my feedback I sent via the app about respecting their own published quiet hours.
I don't want to live in an apartment and it would be a mistake for me to get locked into a 12 month lease at this point with an unstable job situation. Month to month would be best but is hard to find. The ads private landlords post for rooms to rent offer minimum 6-12 month leases, and if you want to do shorter term, you're left seeking a student sublet or as I've been doing airbnb. Besides, I don't have much time / motivation to seriously seek longer term housing right now, but recognize I should be to make the bleeding stop and create some stability. I should probably take time off work but am not allowed to do so for another 3 weeks minimum. Also since I only became a perm employee 4 months ago I've only accrued like 3 days vacation, not yet the 2 week max per year.
Back on topic, I considering your advice, caved and provided a texting app number, which my dad called last night when I was at work. I told him it's for texting only and that the calling is unreliable with my prepaid data phone, so don't bother calling. He then sent me yet another nagging email (doesn't he have anything better to do?) about using whatsapp, for texts and calls, and bla bla bla, we've been through this before, and why don't I listen to his advice for once...
In short tiresome. I'll probably delete the naggy message as suggested. My parents also nag me about not having a social media (facebook/IG) account. I don't because I value my privacy and don't have hundreds of friends to brag to.
Last edited by onthehotseat; 12-14-2019 at 07:55 AM..
I've read this whole thread, and OP, you sound like a rebellious 18 year old who has moved out for the first time.
You find the rules of being an adult (like providing paperwork to a landlord) being unfair, see any communication from your parents as being nagging and controlling... Yet you take their money and admit you spend it irresponsibly. Your excuses for continuing acceptance of it are preposterous and see-through. You just still want it. There has been nothing in your posts about actual controlling behaviour or abuse. Just nagging for you to communicate with them.
If you want to set real boundaries, tell them you're cutting off communication and then stop.accepting.their.money. Now they'll pay for all that nagging. But then you won't have any excuses or anyone to complain about...
Oh wait, that require you to actually act like an adult and not a whiny teenager. I doubt you will ever set proper boundaries (which in healthy adults includes keeping in touch with people who care about us), and instead continue on complaining about them while taking their money.
OP, how is it any less time consuming to move on a semiweekly basis? Most people have to find new places to live after work or on weekends. That is how it goes. I moved to my current area the afternoon before my new job started from out of state. I had not even seen the area. I rented a hotel for a week (there are no Airbnbs anywhere near my office), found a place to live, and that was that. My other coworker who started when I did was in the same situation and also found a place to live with no difficulty, although he arrived in town a whopping one day before I did because he flew and I drove.
FWIW, my job has a two-year(!!!) probationary period, which meant I could be fired at any point in my first two years. They can and do fire people who aren’t performing up to standards. So yes, it is a risk to move to an entirely different state to take a job where it takes you two years to get off probation. However, my coworker and I did it and are fine. Other people had more difficulty, but what that meant for me was that I held off on deciding to buy a house, not held off on signing a 12-month lease.
It is time to get out there and find a place to live. You are spending $1500+ a month on a room in someone’s house. I live in One of the largest metro areas in the US (suburban) and spend about what you are spending on a spacious 2-bedroom apartment. I know here that rental properties do have different lease lengths ranging from 6 months onward. Since it is winter now, a landlord might be perfectly happy to do a shorter lease since it could mean a summer move out.
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(snip) My parents also nag me about not having a social media (facebook/IG) account. I don't because I value my privacy and don't have hundreds of friends to brag to.
It does seem odd that your parents are concerned that you aren't on social media. Is it because that is how a lot of the family communicates with each other (sending pictures of the new grandchild, vacations, invites to parties, etc.)?
You can value your privacy and still be on Facebook. I've been on FB for years but usually only post a photo once or twice a year. I have gone as long as four years between posting photographs. However, I do enjoy reading the posts of some of my friends and relatives (but rarely comment).
It does seem odd that your parents are concerned that you aren't on social media. Is it because that is how a lot of the family communicates with each other (sending pictures of the new grandchild, vacations, invites to parties, etc.)?
You can value your privacy and still be on Facebook. I've been on FB for years but usually only post a photo once or twice a year. I have gone as long as four years between posting photographs. However, I do enjoy reading the posts of some of my friends and relatives (but rarely comment).
whatsapp is a great platform and there is NO LAW that says you have to answer every text message on it, but its great for sharing quick pics, or memes, or say hi. Our adult kids keep in touch with us through whatsapp.
As for the so called nagging, meh! so they ask, there is NO LAW that we have to answer nagging. Really I just don't get the big deal the OP is making.
I relocated for work to a city that's about 14 hours round trip away (by car). Part of the reason I decided to relocate is to create distance between my parents and I.They are anxious people. One ongoing issue is that my dad doesn't think I respond fast enough to his text messages / emails.
When I was living in the original city I had a basic prepaid smartphone that I used for about 5 years but now it's outdated and the only people who contact me on it are my parents and other family members very occasionally (like 1-2x a year for birthdays) But definitely not worth it to keep paying $20+ a month for the service if it's hardly used.
The base plan is $15/month + prepaid minutes are like $0.05/min + prepaid data. Nowadays I have a newer basic smartphone and frankly I just use it for texting, some surfing, airbnb and for Google maps navigation. My current number is for the new city and I haven't provided it to my parents yet.
I've let the prepaid phone plan from City A (where I used to live) expire occasionally such that calls and texts are no longer received.
Below is the email I received today from my dad:
You still have not responded to a number of text messages and emails. When I try to call you, I immediately receive a message that “the customer you are trying to reach is unavailable at the moment; please try again later ". Does that mean that you have no money in your phone again and therefore you are not available? It would help our peace of mind if you give a sign of life. We would like to know if everything is ok and if you have received a package.
...
Truth be told, his last email I received was 2 days ago and yes I didn't reply to that one until this evening when I picked up a package they sent me. However I don't know what he's talking about where he claims I haven't responded to several emails.
It's correct I missed texts. City A prepaid phone plan expired Dec 1 so is inactive.
Frankly I feel that now that I'm an adult, he should give me independence if I want and not whine about not getting a reply to a text. Also, do I HAVE TO provide a phone number I can be reached at? He can always email or if a true emergency, call me at work.
How do I communicate my concerns to my anxious parents that I need them to trust everything is OK even if they don't get immediate replies to texts/emails? I told my mom this before, the last time was when she called for an update around Nov 20 asking if I planned to come "home" for Christmas and told her no, I wasn't, I have to work. I don't want to feel obligated to respond to my parents when I don't want to, or feel obligated to renew an old prepaid phone plan just so that they can reach me. I also don't feel like giving them my new number as I consider it temporary and don't want to give it out yet.
Any ideas on how to handle this?
How about every morning you send them a text that says: "Hi Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine," just to give them peace of mind.
In case you don't realize it, most parents never stop worrying/thinking about their kids, no matter what their age is.
Even if there are more issues that they want you to respond to and you aren't in the mood to reply to, at least they know you are alive and doing okay.
If that doesn't satisfy them, tell them that you are doing your best to stay in touch and leave it at that.
Closing your bank account and opening a new one is not going to hurt your credit score.
The irony is that not having a permanent place to live DOES affect credit decisions. Lenders look at “address instability” as a negative factor. I guess OP hasn’t thought of that.
Ok I verified my last contact with my parents. Nov 13: mom called me asking where I live now (I've been moving around a lot but didn't tell her that exactly), and I gave my most frequent airbnb house address. I've been here since Sept and move out on weekends, return during weekdays.
Nov 14: I emailed her and dad the address, some photos then replied to my dad about some comments Nov 16. On Nov 22: I texted mom some random comment about the nature I see in the area. No contact since. Phone plan expired Dec 1. Dad emailed me Dec 9 about a package they sent, did I receive it to my P.O. Box? I was off work and wanted to rest, so I did. Today he sent the anxious email I quoted in my OP (in italics). So yeah, I guess if he texted me Dec 1-Dec 11 without a reply and called getting a customer not available message, I guess I can see how he, being the anxious person he is, was worried.
But what if one day I decided to go "dark" on them for a few months? Would that be impossible for them to deal with? I could see them calling my office main line and inquire (they'd don't have my direct line) , which could cause issues at work.
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