Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Bingo! Finally someone gets it. My dad is a major control freak and when I set up boundaries, i.e. letting a prepaid phone plan expire and not answering texts and calls (that I never received), he lost control of being able to reach me and freaked out. Not the first time.
Any ideas on how to set up rules/boundaries and what those should be, to break free of this leash he has around my life?
Quote:
Originally Posted by onthehotseat
Bad news. I caved into the advice here and provided my parents with the free texting app number that works on Wifi / data, and an actual assigned phone number for regular cell service / texting, so 2 numbers to reach me. What happened yesterday? I can't log into my phone, I try to swipe the lock screen up, the cursor flashes and it doesn't let me type in the password, so the phone is useless. It's now in safe mode (Moto G 4th gen.), and I may have to do a hard reset and lose all my data if I can figure out how. Since I can't log in, I can't see or answer texts, nor calls. I do have an old back up phone whose plan is expired that I could go out and buy a prepaid top up voucher for, but I don't know what to do with the newer phone whose monthly service is active but unusable.
Also in other bad news, the airbnb I'm at that costs $65/night hasn't had aqequate heating in days, I'm tried from long shifts and lack of sleep, plus Thursday I have to move out because the house is rented out for the holiday period. So I'll be temporarily homeless in 2 days... until I find another temporary airbnb but I can't use the phone app since I can't log in. Nothing is going right for me it seems.
Should I tell my parents what's going on? My dad doesn't like to hear about problems, only solutions. So that's why I usually keep info from them because to me, no news is good news, whereas they think no news from me = bad news.
You can't even keep a stable roof over your head, and as far as your parents know your cell phone is being shut off.
Of course they're worried. They're not being control freaks, they have good reason to believe that YOU ARE NOT WELL. In fact, you are the control freak, obsessing about what your response says about your own autonomy.
You need to call them weekly, return emails within reason. If you think a question is too invasive, evade the question. Or lie. "Yep, I got an appointment coming up in a coupe weeks."
In some ways, it seems as though you're indirectly blaming the advice you've received on this board for your continuing and current woes. While I'm sorry that you're going through a rough time at present on a human-to-human level, pretty much all of was rather easily avoidable. The one poster who you believe "got" your situation is a fully functional adult, i.e., his situation with his parents randomly showing up at places where he was meeting with clients is a far cry from the transient, grudgingly and ungratefully taking hand-outs from your parents life that you're leading.
Your parents are justifiably concerned about you. You're pushing forty, lack stable housing for absolutely no solid reason(s), and are not fiscally responsible in the most basic of ways (much of which is directly tied to your deliberate choice to not seek a stable housing situation). Of course your father wants you to have solutions rather than a laundry list of excuses for why you're living as you do! That's what a good parent wants for his or her child, i.e., security, safely, and stability.
Most adults who don't have a toxic or contentious relationship with their folks, yet want to maintain their privacy still remain in touch with their parents. The way to do that is to give them just enough information to know that you're okay, but not so much that they're worried. Even if they give you advice, there's no reason that you must take it, you know. My sister successfully used this method with my own parents for years, so I know that it can be done.
Remember: regular contact with your parents via a "real" telephone number and/or permanent address would most likely greatly reduce, if not eliminate most of your parents frantic (seemingly to you) calls and emails.
As far as the money that they've been gifting you: why not save it so that you have enough to put down a deposit for a small apartment of your own or find a proper room sharing situation? For example: is there a coworker who might be willing to rent you a room in their home for a nominal, all-inclusive price? The latter would give you a bit of a rental history without the massive look into your credit history that rental management company would do.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 12-18-2019 at 09:32 AM..
Your parents are justifiably concerned about you. You're pushing forty, lack stable housing for absolutely no solid reason(s), and are not fiscally responsible in the most basic of ways (much of which is directly tied to your deliberate choice to not seek a stable housing situation). Of course your father wants you to have solutions rather than a laundry list of excuses for why you're living as you do! That's what a good parent wants for his or her child, i.e., security, safely, and stability.
A house or room share would not be a good idea for OP as she can barely keep her impulses under control, even with an AirB&B host.
Quote:
I fell for her request for help again. There was a heavy box in the shed that needed to be moved to the basement and required 2 people to move it. I obliged because I'm so nice. She got hot and removed the vest. She "accidentally" flashed some cleavage again. It was back breaking work but worth it for a few instances she gave me an eyeful. Except that I felt like leaning in to whisper in her ear that I could see more than she probably intended and ask if I could stroke her hair that was in a pony tail, converting this non romantic relationship to a more romantic one. But I decided to control the urge and limit myself to looking without touching.
I wonder if I could convince her to do housework with her top off, so wearing only a bra? Or is that too much of a stretch from reality? Let's face it - since I'm emotionally driven, I think the only way to convince me to move out is to explain how the benefits of such a move would outweigh the benefits I get now.
Not that it matters, but it does color things a bit differently. Has the OP's gender been determined?
I assumed it was a male.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
