Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If you continue in this vein, they’ll adjust. In a few weeks, visit them so they can see you are perfectly fine. But do not visit often. Your visit over the holiday should help them see that you are OK. That might be the time to advise them that they don’t have to continue making deposits in your account.
You may have misunderstood. I'm not going back during the holidays as my supervisor assigned me to holiday duty. Also I've told them to stop making deposits and dad responded with "We'll see." , then continued after all. I don't know what it will take to convince him...do I have to buy a house and then he'll see that yes it's true, onthehotseat is moving up in life and doesn't need our help. BTW, the amount used to be higher, now it's lower, but it should be zero. While it's true I'm currently overspending on housing, I still make enough such that I don't need their financial assistance and the strings attached with this gesture.
I relocated for work to a city that's about 14 hours round trip away (by car). Part of the reason I decided to relocate is to create distance between my parents and I.They are anxious people. One ongoing issue is that my dad doesn't think I respond fast enough to his text messages / emails.
When I was living in the original city I had a basic prepaid smartphone that I used for about 5 years but now it's outdated and the only people who contact me on it are my parents and other family members very occasionally (like 1-2x a year for birthdays) But definitely not worth it to keep paying $20+ a month for the service if it's hardly used.
The base plan is $15/month + prepaid minutes are like $0.05/min + prepaid data. Nowadays I have a newer basic smartphone and frankly I just use it for texting, some surfing, airbnb and for Google maps navigation. My current number is for the new city and I haven't provided it to my parents yet.
I've let the prepaid phone plan from City A (where I used to live) expire occasionally such that calls and texts are no longer received.
Below is the email I received today from my dad:
You still have not responded to a number of text messages and emails. When I try to call you, I immediately receive a message that “the customer you are trying to reach is unavailable at the moment; please try again later ". Does that mean that you have no money in your phone again and therefore you are not available? It would help our peace of mind if you give a sign of life. We would like to know if everything is ok and if you have received a package.
...
Truth be told, his last email I received was 2 days ago and yes I didn't reply to that one until this evening when I picked up a package they sent me. However I don't know what he's talking about where he claims I haven't responded to several emails.
It's correct I missed texts. City A prepaid phone plan expired Dec 1 so is inactive.
Frankly I feel that now that I'm an adult, he should give me independence if I want and not whine about not getting a reply to a text. Also, do I HAVE TO provide a phone number I can be reached at? He can always email or if a true emergency, call me at work.
How do I communicate my concerns to my anxious parents that I need them to trust everything is OK even if they don't get immediate replies to texts/emails? I told my mom this before, the last time was when she called for an update around Nov 20 asking if I planned to come "home" for Christmas and told her no, I wasn't, I have to work. I don't want to feel obligated to respond to my parents when I don't want to, or feel obligated to renew an old prepaid phone plan just so that they can reach me. I also don't feel like giving them my new number as I consider it temporary and don't want to give it out yet.
Any ideas on how to handle this?
For all your mom and dad knows, you might be laying in a shallow grave somewhere in the woods. Good grief. Give them your number so they know you're alive.
[quote=onthehotseat;56843196]Ok I verified my last contact with my parents. Nov 13: mom called me asking where I live now (I've been moving around a lot but didn't tell her that exactly), and I gave my most frequent airbnb house address. I've been here since Sept and move out on weekends, return during weekdays.
Nov 14: I emailed her and dad the address, some photos then replied to my dad about some comments Nov 16. On Nov 22: I texted mom some random comment about the nature I see in the area. No contact since. Phone plan expired Dec 1. Dad emailed me Dec 9 about a package they sent, did I receive it to my P.O. Box? I was off work and wanted to rest, so I did. Today he sent the anxious email I quoted in my OP (in italics). So yeah, I guess if he texted me Dec 1-Dec 11 without a reply and called getting a customer not available message, I guess I can see how he, being the anxious person he is, was worried.
But what if one day I decided to go "dark" on them for a few months? Would that be impossible for them to deal with? I could see them calling my office main line and inquire (they'd don't have my direct line) , which could cause issues at work.[/quote]
Well that would be a really crappy thing to do. That's your "what if". Why do you think it'd be 'ok' to go "dark" on your parents?
Are they toxic to you? Did they beat you when you were a kid or something? Can you truly not see that your parents would worry about you?
As for your parents sending the OP money, is it because the OP are spending way more than is needed on an Airbnb? Even the cheapest Airbnbs I have seen are more than $30 a night. Unless the OP is in a place super expensive like NYC, the SF Bay Area, or LA, it should be possible to find something in a roommate situation for cheaper. And the next question is where does the OP go on weekends?
They've been depositing money into my account for years and I guess this makes them feel entitled to try to control my life or pass judgement on how I spend the money. That said I agree that I'm overspending.
I took over a car lease and live in expensive rental housing that currently requires me to move weekly. It's inconvenient and I'm not looking forward to continuing this trend as winter hits. I used to rent a room in a woman's house with a private bathroom but she was a victim of domestic violence, had a fiery temper, actually threatened her husband and his new wife and I finally decided to move out. Since then I'm stayed at over 30 houses until I found the current one where I've been since September. I asked if I could stay long term but unfortunately the property manager has instructions from the homeowner (or so he claims) that they want to keep the house available to groups on weekends, so lately I've been moving out on weekends and returning Sunday or Monday and stay 4-5 nights, then repeat the cycle.
I think I'd need to take time off work to fix this situation and secure more permanent housing. One thing I don't like is that private / commercial landlords are often asking for minimum 12 month leases, ID copies, credit and background check reports, employment letter, pay stubs, etc. which IMO is too much. So I stick with airbnb which only required me to verify my info once to them, not spread out my personal info to various parties and put myself at risk of identity theft and abuse of this info. Now I can lie in bed, send a few messages to a few hosts, book the room and be done with it (until the next week). But yes I am spending too much and if I lose my job, I'll be in trouble in that I will no longer qualify for cheaper long term rental housing and be stuck with airbnb until I do get another job (vicious cycle of overspending).
So yeah, maybe my parents are concerned about unstable housing situation and are upset I'm wasting "their" money.
They've been depositing money into my account for years and I guess this makes them feel entitled to try to control my life or pass judgement on how I spend the money. That said I agree that I'm overspending.
I took over a car lease and live in expensive rental housing that currently requires me to move weekly. It's inconvenient and I'm not looking forward to continuing this trend as winter hits. I used to rent a room in a woman's house with a private bathroom but she was a victim of domestic violence, had a fiery temper, actually threatened her husband and his new wife and I finally decided to move out. Since then I'm stayed at over 30 houses until I found the current one where I've been since September. I asked if I could stay long term but unfortunately the property manager has instructions from the homeowner (or so he claims) that they want to keep the house available to groups on weekends, so lately I've been moving out on weekends and returning Sunday or Monday and stay 4-5 nights, then repeat the cycle.
I think I'd need to take time off work to fix this situation and secure more permanent housing. One thing I don't like is that private / commercial landlords are often asking for minimum 12 month leases, ID copies, credit and background check reports, employment letter, pay stubs, etc. which IMO is too much. So I stick with airbnb which only required me to verify my info once to them, not spread out my personal info to various parties and put myself at risk of identity theft and abuse of this info. Now I can lie in bed, send a few messages to a few hosts, book the room and be done with it (until the next week). But yes I am spending too much and if I lose my job, I'll be in trouble in that I will no longer qualify for cheaper long term rental housing and be stuck with airbnb until I do get another job (vicious cycle of overspending).
So yeah, maybe my parents are concerned about unstable housing situation and are upset I'm wasting "their" money.
Based on all these questionable situations and decisions on your part, I would say your parents are worried because they know you are actually NOT behaving like an adult, age notwithstanding.
One more thing. You know what I find annoying? That dad is sending me these persistent emails first that they sent not one but two packages, but the follow up messages asking me to acknowledge when I received them. The tracking number showed delivery confirmation, so why not leave it at that?
It would be a lot nicer if they had sent a package without these emails and that I would've discovered it as a surprise on my own time, like oh look! there's a package in the mail box, I wonder who sent it? Oh! It's from mom and dad, how nice! Instead of these non stop anxious emails: Did you get it yet? Are you alive? Why can't I call you? Hello? Did you get my second email? Hello you're not answering!!!! Why not??
See, just seeing all that puts pressure on me to respond and frankly I don't want to think of this. I have more important stuff to deal with now..as in keeping my job and finding a roof for the weekend.
It might help you to see a counselor to figure out why you are so angry & resentful and what you can do about it. You seem to lack basic relationship skills.
I relocated for work to a city that's about 14 hours round trip away (by car). Part of the reason I decided to relocate is to create distance between my parents and I.They are anxious people. One ongoing issue is that my dad doesn't think I respond fast enough to his text messages / emails.
When I was living in the original city I had a basic prepaid smartphone that I used for about 5 years but now it's outdated and the only people who contact me on it are my parents and other family members very occasionally (like 1-2x a year for birthdays) But definitely not worth it to keep paying $20+ a month for the service if it's hardly used.
The base plan is $15/month + prepaid minutes are like $0.05/min + prepaid data. Nowadays I have a newer basic smartphone and frankly I just use it for texting, some surfing, airbnb and for Google maps navigation. My current number is for the new city and I haven't provided it to my parents yet.
I've let the prepaid phone plan from City A (where I used to live) expire occasionally such that calls and texts are no longer received.
Below is the email I received today from my dad:
You still have not responded to a number of text messages and emails. When I try to call you, I immediately receive a message that “the customer you are trying to reach is unavailable at the moment; please try again later ". Does that mean that you have no money in your phone again and therefore you are not available? It would help our peace of mind if you give a sign of life. We would like to know if everything is ok and if you have received a package.
...
Truth be told, his last email I received was 2 days ago and yes I didn't reply to that one until this evening when I picked up a package they sent me. However I don't know what he's talking about where he claims I haven't responded to several emails.
It's correct I missed texts. City A prepaid phone plan expired Dec 1 so is inactive.
Frankly I feel that now that I'm an adult, he should give me independence if I want and not whine about not getting a reply to a text. Also, do I HAVE TO provide a phone number I can be reached at? He can always email or if a true emergency, call me at work.
How do I communicate my concerns to my anxious parents that I need them to trust everything is OK even if they don't get immediate replies to texts/emails? I told my mom this before, the last time was when she called for an update around Nov 20 asking if I planned to come "home" for Christmas and told her no, I wasn't, I have to work. I don't want to feel obligated to respond to my parents when I don't want to, or feel obligated to renew an old prepaid phone plan just so that they can reach me. I also don't feel like giving them my new number as I consider it temporary and don't want to give it out yet.
Any ideas on how to handle this?
You sound very rude, angry, and immature. I am not sure what a good solution would be since you seem to want nothing to do with them.
They've been depositing money into my account for years and I guess this makes them feel entitled to try to control my life or pass judgement on how I spend the money. That said I agree that I'm overspending.
(snip)
So yeah, maybe my parents are concerned about unstable housing situation and are upset I'm wasting "their" money.
I was going to ask what you actually did with the money that your parents are depositing (put it in savings to buy a house or your retirement fund or whatever) but I guess that you need it for housing expenses and daily living expenses.
If your parents are in their 60s aren't they going to start to need all their money for their retirement?
They've been depositing money into my account for years and I guess this makes them feel entitled to try to control my life or pass judgement on how I spend the money. That said I agree that I'm overspending.
I took over a car lease and live in expensive rental housing that currently requires me to move weekly. It's inconvenient and I'm not looking forward to continuing this trend as winter hits. I used to rent a room in a woman's house with a private bathroom but she was a victim of domestic violence, had a fiery temper, actually threatened her husband and his new wife and I finally decided to move out. Since then I'm stayed at over 30 houses until I found the current one where I've been since September. I asked if I could stay long term but unfortunately the property manager has instructions from the homeowner (or so he claims) that they want to keep the house available to groups on weekends, so lately I've been moving out on weekends and returning Sunday or Monday and stay 4-5 nights, then repeat the cycle.
I think I'd need to take time off work to fix this situation and secure more permanent housing. One thing I don't like is that private / commercial landlords are often asking for minimum 12 month leases, ID copies, credit and background check reports, employment letter, pay stubs, etc. which IMO is too much. So I stick with airbnb which only required me to verify my info once to them, not spread out my personal info to various parties and put myself at risk of identity theft and abuse of this info. Now I can lie in bed, send a few messages to a few hosts, book the room and be done with it (until the next week). But yes I am spending too much and if I lose my job, I'll be in trouble in that I will no longer qualify for cheaper long term rental housing and be stuck with airbnb until I do get another job (vicious cycle of overspending).
So yeah, maybe my parents are concerned about unstable housing situation and are upset I'm wasting "their" money.
You could always return the money
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
