Should I Tell A "Friend" the Real Reason I'm Avoiding Her, or Should I Spare Her Feelings?

[jencam]

Originally Posted by Bungalove

Wow, for a "very flawed human", your standards for friendship must be incredibly high if you'd have to "settle" in order to have local friends. I have trouble believing they're all such substandard candidates.

I think I understand it. Any club that would have me is one I don't want to join.(something like that)

[nobodysbusiness]

Originally Posted by jencam

I think I understand it. Any club that would have me is one I don't want to join.(something like that)

Ha Ha! I love it! I was just thinking of that Woody Allen quote. It is perfect!

(And I do relate to him, as I do to Larry David!)

Counter-Phobic Six on Enneagram for anyone who studies enneagram?

[nobodysbusiness]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDxE4r5ixD0

[jencam]

Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness

Ha Ha! I love it! I was just thinking of that Woody Allen quote. It is perfect!

(And I do relate to him, as I do to Larry David!)

Counter-Phobic Six on Enneagram for anyone who studies enneagram?

I relate because I am a homebody and I have PTSD/depression, etc. I want to change but for now, it's not about friendships, but dating. I feel like any guy who would want me the way that I am right now would have to be very flawed himself, and the chances of our flaws meshing somehow are slim. That was proven with my last relationship that ended in October.

Where I can't relate to you is with your other friend. She's a good friend! IDK why you want to toss her while you search for your soulmate friend. It doesn't take much time to maintain with her. It's not like dating like you're tying yourself up and won't be able to find the soulmate type.

You need a good counselor. I talked to mine today and got so much clarity on several things. I wish I could talk to him everyday, he's that good.

My bestie doesn't 'do' emotional stuff, so I have this guy! And he's looking into more help for me.

Honestly, I don't think the chances of finding a friend to fill your void are very high. I think you have to do a lot of that part on your own/with a counselor. Most people who aren't paid to do it can't take that sort of thing in - other people's emotions. Their minds are full with their own stuff.

[nobodysbusiness]

Originally Posted by jencam

I relate because I am a homebody and I have PTSD/depression, etc. I want to change but for now, it's not about friendships, but dating. I feel like any guy who would want me the way that I am right now would have to be very flawed himself, and the chances of our flaws meshing somehow are slim. That was proven with my last relationship that ended in October.

Where I can't relate to you is with your other friend. She's a good friend! IDK why you want to toss her while you search for your soulmate friend. It doesn't take much time to maintain with her. It's not like dating like you're tying yourself up and won't be able to find the soulmate type.

You need a good counselor. I talked to mine today and got so much clarity on several things. I wish I could talk to him everyday, he's that good.

My bestie doesn't 'do' emotional stuff, so I have this guy! And he's looking into more help for me.

Honestly, I don't think the chances of finding a friend to fill your void are very high. I think you have to do a lot of that part on your own/with a counselor. Most people who aren't paid to do it can't take that sort of thing in - other people's emotions. Their minds are full with their own stuff.

Not quite sure what you're saying.

I do have a counselor, but I do trauma work, exclusively - not regular problem/issue work.

Honestly, I have come to realize that I have pretty much been settling - with this friend, and another friend. These aren't deep, fulfilling relationships - just time killers or people of convenience to do things with.

I don't know what the future holds in any respect, so it will all be a surprise.

One note about feeling that any guy who would want you right now would be flawed. I do believe we attract where we are, but be careful not to pathologize yourself. There's nothing "wrong" with you . . . some people are just traumatized AND everyone has issues and challenges.