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I took that, and projected good stuff onto her (that's what I tend to do).
She's an opportunist, at least, and at most, I'm not sure - I don't want to judge her. When my dog died, she brought me a huge bouquet of roses and a card. I think I decided she was a "good person" then.
I am just not sure what is the least damage I can do because I did let her back into my life and now I am closing the door - she has already asked if I am "mad" at her (when not responding to her message right away). I said "no," because I am not mad. I just don't trust her.
Just before our last outing, I told myself I had to forget everything that came before - I honestly was going to have a talk with her about her trying to screw me in a business deal - from the perspective that it must have been some kind of misunderstanding (it wasn't). This is just what my mind does - it projects positive onto people - I don't know why and when I am doing it, I'm not conscious that I'm doing it.
So I can either ghost her, make up some story about myself that I am not socializing right now because I'm busy or something, or tell her the truth about the cutting in line and wishing disaster on people. The extremely funny thing is that when she said that about wanting to view destruction, she then said something like "and don't tell me I'm evil for saying such things, because I'm not and I'm sick of you saying that." If I ever said anything like that (which I probably did), it was at least six years ago!!!
Her husband's an ******* too (not sure why that's important). lol
The holiday season is a perfect excuse for not meeting her. So, use it. You can be too busy, traveling, trying to get shopping and wrapping done, etc.
If this person is in a position to do harm to you out of revenge, then I agree that you might have to finesses a break in relations. No, don’t tell her why you are “breaking up.” This is the perfect occasion for white lies. You need to travel, you are working on a big project, you are contagious. Use whatever works, but don’t use excuses too often. Do respond slower to online things, and eventually block her.
In general, you need to make yourself less available. If you have to, to keep on her good side, meet for coffee once. Then be off to an “appointment.”
I imagine this person has lost many friends over time.
Your suggestion resonates with me - I don't like confrontation, and there's really no reason for it. I have been thinking about this. If you complain about people's habits who aren't going to change, you're basically just judging them - there's no point - not like she's going to become this other person that I would like better!
Why don’t you just say you don’t like how she treats other people and don’t want to hang out with someone like that? Simple, truthful, and no details she can use to keep you negatively engaged in back-and-forth.
Sounds like a sociopath or someone who wants to emulate one. Cut off, disengage, and Do Not Return.
That's a good suggestion too. Just don't want trauma or drama.
OP, she's a lot more than that. This is the kind of person you don't want to get on their bad side. If she even cheats/steals from you when you're on her GOOD side, you don't want to get on her bad side! This is someone with no scruples. You don't seem to be quite getting that; it hasn't completely sunk in. Maybe you're the type who prefers to think well of people, but you need to be real in situations like this, to protect yourself.
It's clear that she has a serious personality disorder, possibly a sociopath or psychopath, because of the complete lack of empathy. The way she can just screw people and not care is far from normal. This is a huge red flag almost banging you in the head, saying "proceed with utmost caution".
So, what to do? I think the poster was right, who said she'd find some way to undermine you or attack you, possibly behind your back. She'd be hurt, but she could take it out on you in some way, sooner or later.
Usually the best thing to do in such cases is a slow fade, but in this case, that could be tricky, too, since she's already banging on your door, figuratively speaking, wondering why you don't open it. You may have to come up with some kind of excuse, like you and your husband (or other family member, if you're not married) have taken up a new hobby, and are busy, or you joined a new social club and are involved in their activities, or you've started volunteering with some charitable organization or with your church, or something. IDK, this requires some thought. You might get together with her just now and then, much less frequently than before but enough (for awhile, at least, before you do a total fade) to give the impression that you're thinking of her, but are busy.
You're right; this one's kind of a toughie. But you really need to take seriously the potential risk to your well-being this person presents. You're ignoring red flags, and are glossing over some very serious transgressions. You're opening yourself up to being used or taken advantage of again.
I don't think she's dangerous - just a crude opportunist. Unfortunately, she knows some secrets about me and my family and could talk - but that is probably the worst she could do to me.
I do "gloss over" red flags sometimes!!!
I am thinking it might be best to just be unavailable.
She is constantly commenting on my FB and sending me private messages.
Your suggestion resonates with me - I don't like confrontation, and there's really no reason for it. I have been thinking about this. If you complain about people's habits who aren't going to change, you're basically just judging them - there's no point - not like she's going to become this other person that I would like better!
As you said, “there’s no point” in continuing this relationship, when her conduct is so dismaying.
And I am sure this person has more experience with confrontation than you. She is probably an expert at it.
OP, she's a lot more than that. This is the kind of person you don't want to get on their bad side. If she even cheats/steals from you when you're on her GOOD side, you don't want to get on her bad side! This is someone with no scruples. You don't seem to be quite getting that; it hasn't completely sunk in. Maybe you're the type who prefers to think well of people, but you need to be real in situations like this, to protect yourself.
It's clear that she has a serious personality disorder, possibly a sociopath or psychopath, because of the complete lack of empathy. The way she can just screw people and not care is far from normal. This is a huge red flag almost banging you in the head, saying "proceed with utmost caution".
So, what to do? I think the poster was right, who said she'd find some way to undermine you or attack you, possibly behind your back. She'd be hurt, but she could take it out on you in some way, sooner or later.
Usually the best thing to do in such cases is a slow fade, but in this case, that could be tricky, too, since she's already banging on your door, figuratively speaking, wondering why you don't open it. You may have to come up with some kind of excuse, like you and your husband (or other family member, if you're not married) have taken up a new hobby, and are busy, or you joined a new social club and are involved in their activities, or you've started volunteering with some charitable organization or with your church, or something. IDK, this requires some thought. You might get together with her just now and then, much less frequently than before but enough (for awhile, at least, before you do a total fade) to give the impression that you're thinking of her, but are busy.
You're right; this one's kind of a toughie. But you really need to take seriously the potential risk to your well-being this person presents. You're ignoring red flags, and are glossing over some very serious transgressions. You're opening yourself up to being used or taken advantage of again.
I think Ruth makes some very good suggestions especially about being careful how you cut ties. While ideally, it would make sense to tell someone some constructive criticism, this does not sound like the kind of person who could handle it and I'd be very careful not to upset her. I would do just what Ruth suggests with gradually easing your way out of her life by being too busy maybe 1 in 4 times she calls. And then making it a longer and longer time until you just don't return her calls.
I don't like the phrase 'ghosting', it sounds rather benign for something that is basically cowardly. You don't need to go into detail, just tell her you don't feel like are very compatible anymore and that you think it's best for both of you to go your separate ways. There's no need to leave her hurt, confused or wondering when/if you'll contact her again.
She wouldn't "attack" me, though. I think she'd be hurt.
She's just rude, crude and unethical.
Tell her if she asks. Otherwise, unfriend, block, move on in life.
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