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I would want to avoid any and all confrontations with a person like this, so your question about what is morally or spiritually correct is moot (to me).
My tack would be to provide an excuse for ending contact that doesn't invite any further questioning (though from her, you'll probably get them):
"I'm so sorry. Our family has some things going on and I need to focus all my energy there, so I won't be able to get together. I hope you can understand."
When questions come (what is it, when will you be available) you can just be noncommittal:
"I really don't want to go into it as it's a family matter. It's hard to know how long it will be like this."
Then wash, rinse and repeat as needed.
Pretty much the best answer. Just ghost her. Try not to ever explain anything to anybody. If you have to use the above suggestion.
OP, while I realize you don't share her values or approve of her trashy behavior, it seems pretty clear to me that you do like her and you do like spending time with her.
If what I wrote is accurate, I'd recommend continuing the friendship and doing your best to just accept her. It's a waste of time and energy trying to change her. She is who she is. She's your friend. She has some good qualities and she has some bad qualities.
Personally, I don't think I'd be able to overlook someone trying to steal from me...but you seem to have been able to get past that. Sort of, anyway. I mean, you were going to give her a key to your house. She can't possibly be as untrustworthy as you're making her out to be, and she must be a pretty close friend.
Gee with a "friend" like that you don't need enemies.
Totally disengage and have nothing to do with her. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
And I don't understand why you have kept in contact and consider her a "friend".
Interesting thread......it seems to me as though a person would be kinda weak and needy to even consider letting it continue. I don't know anyone who would tolerate a 'friend' like this in their life.....what a waste of energy.
As they say, she must get something out of this relationship......
OP, while I realize you don't share her values or approve of her trashy behavior, it seems pretty clear to me that you do like her and you do like spending time with her.
If what I wrote is accurate, I'd recommend continuing the friendship and doing your best to just accept her. It's a waste of time and energy trying to change her. She is who she is. She's your friend. She has some good qualities and she has some bad qualities.
Personally, I don't think I'd be able to overlook someone trying to steal from me...but you seem to have been able to get past that. Sort of, anyway. I mean, you were going to give her a key to your house. She can't possibly be as untrustworthy as you're making her out to be, and she must be a pretty close friend.
She is very friendly - smiles a lot - is cheerful (on the surface, while underneath, loves to see destruction).
I like the "idea" of her, rather than her, I have decided.
Me thinking about giving her a key is me being in denial and wishing I could trust her.
Interesting thread......it seems to me as though a person would be kinda weak and needy to even consider letting it continue. I don't know anyone who would tolerate a 'friend' like this in their life.....what a waste of energy.
As they say, she must get something out of this relationship......
Just my .02.....
Just wishful thinking on my part that she is different than she really is. I had forgotten.
Not sure which is the "right" (meaning more ethical and "spiritually" correct) way to handle this.
I have a "friend" I met several years ago when we were working together.
I like her, but she is very crude.
A few years ago, there was a business deal she tried to screw me on. I couldn't believe it. I had to go to a higher up and it was resolved in my favor (never should have happened, she literally tried to steal money from me after we had an agreement).
I noticed that whenever she came to my house, it was like a shopping trip. I felt like she might pocket something.
As I got to know her, she would say things that disturbed me (like that she loved storms because she liked to see the destruction - she didn't care that people were being affected, it was somehow exciting to her).
I was also invited to BBQs at her house and met her husband who is an ******* who works in a grocery store and people write terrible things about him on Yelp, Next Door (he's rude).
So after she tried to screw me on the deal, I cut ties with her. But after a few years, I "forgot" all of the gory details. She was a FB friend, and had created a good persona. I started hanging out with her again. We went out to lunch and I about gagged. She is also very loud and would scream at clerks in store about getting discounts. We went to a very busy international goods store recently, and got separated and when I found her I said "the line's crazy, are you going to stand in that?" and she noted that she had cut the line and that people were screaming at her, but she just went ahead. During that trip she also stated the storm destruction thing. I had forgotten how awful she is because (I honestly don't know why - I don't have many friends, is probably the honest answer).
So, I have been avoiding her. She has been sending me messages, and I eventually reply, but not putting any effort or enthusiasm into the responses.
If she asks me should I tell her the reasons (i.e., the storm thing, cutting in line, etc. (not her gross eating habits) - or should I refuse to tell her and just kind of ghost her until she disappears?
What is the morally correct thing to do?
Avoid her.
Actually, I think people like this are somewhere on the autistic spectrum. And, no, they really could not care less what people think of them. It's the way autism is, so there is no reason to hate her; just avoid her.
Avoid her.
Actually, I think people like this are somewhere on the autistic spectrum. And, no, they really could not care less what people think of them. It's the way autism is, so there is no reason to hate her; just avoid her.
No it's not "autism." Everything is not autism.
She is just a certain type of loud, unsophisticated, opportunistic, kind of crude person with a friendly outlook. She's very simple-minded, but not autistic.
Not sure which is the "right" (meaning more ethical and "spiritually" correct) way to handle this.
I have a "friend" I met several years ago when we were working together.
I like her, but she is very crude.
A few years ago, there was a business deal she tried to screw me on. I couldn't believe it. I had to go to a higher up and it was resolved in my favor (never should have happened, she literally tried to steal money from me after we had an agreement).
I noticed that whenever she came to my house, it was like a shopping trip. I felt like she might pocket something.
As I got to know her, she would say things that disturbed me (like that she loved storms because she liked to see the destruction - she didn't care that people were being affected, it was somehow exciting to her).
I was also invited to BBQs at her house and met her husband who is an ******* who works in a grocery store and people write terrible things about him on Yelp, Next Door (he's rude).
So after she tried to screw me on the deal, I cut ties with her. But after a few years, I "forgot" all of the gory details. She was a FB friend, and had created a good persona. I started hanging out with her again. We went out to lunch and I about gagged. She is also very loud and would scream at clerks in store about getting discounts. We went to a very busy international goods store recently, and got separated and when I found her I said "the line's crazy, are you going to stand in that?" and she noted that she had cut the line and that people were screaming at her, but she just went ahead. During that trip she also stated the storm destruction thing. I had forgotten how awful she is because (I honestly don't know why - I don't have many friends, is probably the honest answer).
So, I have been avoiding her. She has been sending me messages, and I eventually reply, but not putting any effort or enthusiasm into the responses.
If she asks me should I tell her the reasons (i.e., the storm thing, cutting in line, etc. (not her gross eating habits) - or should I refuse to tell her and just kind of ghost her until she disappears?
What is the morally correct thing to do?
Maybe you could say "Sorry Dana, but you have some behaviors that I just can't abide. I just can't hang out with you anymore." (And then, maybe it's appropriate to point out the major points that bother you.) And after that, just block her, stop responding, etc.
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