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Maybe you could say "Sorry Dana, but you have some behaviors that I just can't abide. I just can't hang out with you anymore." (And then, maybe it's appropriate to point out the major points that bother you.) And after that, just block her, stop responding, etc.
I don't want to shame her. I will just try avoiding and see what happens. Thank you.
I don't want to shame her. I will just try avoiding and see what happens. Thank you.
That's probably the best bet for you...you seem nice (probably too nice :-) and there's no point in a useless confrontation. My wife and I have had people kinda like this before and if you just keep ignoring, they will eventually go away.....but do it, because life's too short to waste it with negative energy like this....
I don't think I would continue to be in contact with someone who stole from me, that is not the act of a friend, colleague, acquaintance or anyone positive. Who needs to be friends with someone who has shown herself to be untrustworthy? Why on earth would you even consider giving her a key to your home? I don't understand the appeal of this person at all.
Just do like others have suggested and tell her you are totally tied up with personal family matters and you will let her know once you have some free time - and then just never contact her again. It sounds like you don't truly want her out of your life because you have this false image of her and are wistfully hoping she is the person you want her to be - she isn't and never will be.
Not sure which is the "right" (meaning more ethical and "spiritually" correct) way to handle this.
I have a "friend" I met several years ago when we were working together.
I like her, but she is very crude.
A few years ago, there was a business deal she tried to screw me on. I couldn't believe it. I had to go to a higher up and it was resolved in my favor (never should have happened, she literally tried to steal money from me after we had an agreement).
I noticed that whenever she came to my house, it was like a shopping trip. I felt like she might pocket something.
As I got to know her, she would say things that disturbed me (like that she loved storms because she liked to see the destruction - she didn't care that people were being affected, it was somehow exciting to her).
I was also invited to BBQs at her house and met her husband who is an ******* who works in a grocery store and people write terrible things about him on Yelp, Next Door (he's rude).
So after she tried to screw me on the deal, I cut ties with her. But after a few years, I "forgot" all of the gory details. She was a FB friend, and had created a good persona. I started hanging out with her again. We went out to lunch and I about gagged. She is also very loud and would scream at clerks in store about getting discounts. We went to a very busy international goods store recently, and got separated and when I found her I said "the line's crazy, are you going to stand in that?" and she noted that she had cut the line and that people were screaming at her, but she just went ahead. During that trip she also stated the storm destruction thing. I had forgotten how awful she is because (I honestly don't know why - I don't have many friends, is probably the honest answer).
So, I have been avoiding her. She has been sending me messages, and I eventually reply, but not putting any effort or enthusiasm into the responses.
If she asks me should I tell her the reasons (i.e., the storm thing, cutting in line, etc. (not her gross eating habits) - or should I refuse to tell her and just kind of ghost her until she disappears?
What is the morally correct thing to do?
Wow, this sounds like something I could write. You're a lot like I am. I am a positive person and I try to not to hang on to negative memories regarding how others behave and/or what they have done to me. This includes platonic friends as well as a past boyfriend. I secretly forgive these individuals without informing them that I've done so and I never tell them of their offenses because they tend to get so "hurt" and make me feel like the meanest person in the world; like I'm being judgmental so I just don't even bother telling people about themselves. As you've said, over time I forget the gory details and later the person and I cross paths again either in real life or the virtual one. The friendship or relationship is rekindled. Soon, their behaviors that I find problematic resurface and I remember why I stopped being close to the person in the first place.
I too wonder how to morally handle these situations. I'll be reading the responses to your post for information that I can use.
Not sure which is the "right" (meaning more ethical and "spiritually" correct) way to handle this.
I have a "friend" I met several years ago when we were working together.
I like her, but she is very crude.
A few years ago, there was a business deal she tried to screw me on. I couldn't believe it. I had to go to a higher up and it was resolved in my favor (never should have happened, she literally tried to steal money from me after we had an agreement).
I noticed that whenever she came to my house, it was like a shopping trip. I felt like she might pocket something.
As I got to know her, she would say things that disturbed me (like that she loved storms because she liked to see the destruction - she didn't care that people were being affected, it was somehow exciting to her).
I was also invited to BBQs at her house and met her husband who is an ******* who works in a grocery store and people write terrible things about him on Yelp, Next Door (he's rude).
So after she tried to screw me on the deal, I cut ties with her. But after a few years, I "forgot" all of the gory details. She was a FB friend, and had created a good persona. I started hanging out with her again. We went out to lunch and I about gagged. She is also very loud and would scream at clerks in store about getting discounts. We went to a very busy international goods store recently, and got separated and when I found her I said "the line's crazy, are you going to stand in that?" and she noted that she had cut the line and that people were screaming at her, but she just went ahead. During that trip she also stated the storm destruction thing. I had forgotten how awful she is because (I honestly don't know why - I don't have many friends, is probably the honest answer).
So, I have been avoiding her. She has been sending me messages, and I eventually reply, but not putting any effort or enthusiasm into the responses.
If she asks me should I tell her the reasons (i.e., the storm thing, cutting in line, etc. (not her gross eating habits) - or should I refuse to tell her and just kind of ghost her until she disappears?
What is the morally correct thing to do?
You don't need to give her any explanation. Simply fade away.
Several years back I had to ask what is it about myself that attracts people others often avoid. She's not your friend and probably doesn't care much for you. However, she does need you. Do you need her?
I had to learn to say no and stick with it. This woman won't like it when you decide to go no-contact.
She will likely continue to contact you for sometime but after you say no once or twice stop responding.
Eventually she will move on to someone else. Someone who will take your place in this game she likes to play.
That's probably the best bet for you...you seem nice (probably too nice :-) and there's no point in a useless confrontation. My wife and I have had people kinda like this before and if you just keep ignoring, they will eventually go away.....but do it, because life's too short to waste it with negative energy like this....
Thank you.
I agree on life being too short - just would really like a good friend, so I think I was kind of desperate to make her into that.
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