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Wow, this sounds like something I could write. You're a lot like I am. I am a positive person and I try to not to hang on to negative memories regarding how others behave and/or what they have done to me. This includes platonic friends as well as a past boyfriend. I secretly forgive these individuals without informing them that I've done so and I never tell them of their offenses because they tend to get so "hurt" and make me feel like the meanest person in the world; like I'm being judgmental so I just don't even bother telling people about themselves. As you've said, over time I forget the gory details and later the person and I cross paths again either in real life or the virtual one. The friendship or relationship is rekindled. Soon, their behaviors that I find problematic resurface and I remember why I stopped being close to the person in the first place.
I too wonder how to morally handle these situations. I'll be reading the responses to your post for information that I can use.
I didn't plan it that way, it just happened naturally.
I was in my house, working on something and looked up and saw her waving to me from across the street.
I was in my house.
She was picking up her grandchildren at a school close to my house. She parks across the street from my house while she goes to get them.
I went into the "other room" and hid until I was sure she was gone.
So thankful she didn't come knocking at my door. She had messaged me today about something else, so it's getting real now.
You don't like confrontations. I get that. Neither do I. However, the woman knows this about you. But she doesn't care or respect you enough to leave you alone.
If she comes knocking politely tell her you're busy at the moment and politely say goodbye
You don't like confrontations. I get that. Neither do I. However, the woman knows this about you. But she doesn't care or respect you enough to leave you alone.
If she comes knocking politely tell her you're busy at the moment and politely say goodbye
Then shut the door.
Yes. I hate confrontation!
I prepared myself that if she knocked, I was not going to answer and then would have messaged her to always text first before coming over!
I already like you ....but you need to 'man-up' a little bit....
The woman in question has zeroed in on the OP because she knows the OP is willing participant in this dysfunctional "friendship."
If the OP truly wants to rid herself of the woman she needs to start setting boundaries.
Over the years I found myself in the OP situation twice but in both instance I couldn't avoid the person.
It was uncomfortable but I eventually learned to say no and stopped all contact with them.
However, I did need to ask why they zeroed in on me? Like the OP I willing went along with them for a number of years. It wasn't until I tried to pull away that things got weird.
It wasn't fun but I had to set up boundaries and not allow myself to get sucked into their dysfunctional world.
They weren't necessarily bad people...just a bit f-ed up and I'm not a therapist
I don't like the phrase 'ghosting', it sounds rather benign for something that is basically cowardly. You don't need to go into detail, just tell her you don't feel like are very compatible anymore and that you think it's best for both of you to go your separate ways. There's no need to leave her hurt, confused or wondering when/if you'll contact her again.
Stopping contact might be classified as “discretion being the better part of valor” in some cases. Sure, close relationships are owed the respect of explanation, but IMO, casual relationships that are challenging do not. I doubt that this “friend” will go quietly, however she is let go. That is why some of us are recommending finesse.
This is a challenging situation.
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