Should I Tell A "Friend" the Real Reason I'm Avoiding Her, or Should I Spare Her Feelings? (feel, person)

[john3232]

Originally Posted by silibran

Stopping contact might be classified as “discretion being the better part of valor” in some cases. Sure, close relationships are owed the respect of explanation, but IMO, casual relationships that are challenging do not. I doubt that this “friend” will go quietly, however she is let go. That is why some of us are recommending finesse.

This is a challenging situation.

I seriously doubt the woman in question will go away quietly. She'll use every trick she can think of to pull the OP back into this dysfunctional relationship.

And at some point... the OP can expect the woman to get mad as well. To feel "betrayed"

But never forget this woman isn't a friend. The day she no longer needs you she'll drop you like a hot potato.

[mike1003]

Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness

She wouldn't "attack" me, though. I think she'd be hurt.

She's just rude, crude and unethical.

Then put on your big girl pants and tell her you want nothing to do with her because she is rude, crude and unethical"


The truth is important!!!!


Don't forget to unfriend her in FB

[Marc Paolella]

Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness

Not sure which is the "right" (meaning more ethical and "spiritually" correct) way to handle this.

I have a "friend" I met several years ago when we were working together.

I like her, but she is very crude.

A few years ago, there was a business deal she tried to screw me on. I couldn't believe it. I had to go to a higher up and it was resolved in my favor (never should have happened, she literally tried to steal money from me after we had an agreement).

I noticed that whenever she came to my house, it was like a shopping trip. I felt like she might pocket something.

As I got to know her, she would say things that disturbed me (like that she loved storms because she liked to see the destruction - she didn't care that people were being affected, it was somehow exciting to her).

I was also invited to BBQs at her house and met her husband who is an ******* who works in a grocery store and people write terrible things about him on Yelp, Next Door (he's rude).

So after she tried to screw me on the deal, I cut ties with her. But after a few years, I "forgot" all of the gory details. She was a FB friend, and had created a good persona. I started hanging out with her again. We went out to lunch and I about gagged. She is also very loud and would scream at clerks in store about getting discounts. We went to a very busy international goods store recently, and got separated and when I found her I said "the line's crazy, are you going to stand in that?" and she noted that she had cut the line and that people were screaming at her, but she just went ahead. During that trip she also stated the storm destruction thing. I had forgotten how awful she is because (I honestly don't know why - I don't have many friends, is probably the honest answer).

So, I have been avoiding her. She has been sending me messages, and I eventually reply, but not putting any effort or enthusiasm into the responses.

If she asks me should I tell her the reasons (i.e., the storm thing, cutting in line, etc. (not her gross eating habits) - or should I refuse to tell her and just kind of ghost her until she disappears?

What is the morally correct thing to do?

Ghost. No need to even make the effort with a dishonorable person. Block her on all devices and move on.

[pikabike]

What are you afraid she’ll do if you tell her the simple, true, and straightforward fact that you don’t want to be buds?

If she is potentially violent or destructive, start looking into getting a restraining order. That little clue about wanting to be designated as your legal guardian (and the fact that she already screwed with you financially) should be a big red flag!!!!

[jbgusa]

Originally Posted by Marc Paolella

Ghost. No need to even make the effort with a dishonorable person. Block her on all devices and move on.

The front door of her house is harder to block than a social media site.

[Tominftl]

You need to realize she is not a FRIEND. she is just an acquaintance. Break it off with her if your not comfortable with her company. Why sugar coat it?

[pikabike]

Originally Posted by pikabike

What are you afraid she’ll do if you tell her the simple, true, and straightforward fact that you don’t want to be buds?

If she is potentially violent or destructive, start looking into getting a restraining order. That little clue about wanting to be designated as your legal guardian (and the fact that she already screwed with you financially) should be a big red flag!!!!

I mistakenly wrote “guardian” instead of “trustee.”

The message is still the same. She is trying to find a way to steal from your assets. Grrr.

[nobodysbusiness]

I'm not afraid of her.

[john3232]

Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness

I'm not afraid of her.

I don't think you're afraid either. What you are afraid of is confrontation and the woman knows this.

At some point she'll try bringing you back into fold by acting angry or laying a guilt trip on you.

But remember she's not a true friend. She needs you. And the minute she finds someone else you'll be dropped.

However, most people can see she's an emotional vampire and/or worse a con-artist looking to rip them off.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by dwbdmb

Tell her the TRUTH, honesty is always the best policy..

There is no truth in these situations, there are perceptions on both sides. The OP can't even decide if the friend is worthy of friendship or not, depending on any given time. On minute the "friend" is a friend and the other times she is a thief.

If someone has screwed me in a business or I felt they would steal from my home, I guarantee I wouldn't "forget" it and become friends with her again.