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If he understood etiquette, he would realize that he is a newcomer in this scenario and HE would bow out gracefully, for a little while. He should at least offer. It's not as if he's your husband.
But it looks like the choice has been made anyway.
I think you need to talk to your sister about her daughter dictating how the family operates.
No way. He is PhureeKeeper's guest. She is fine with him. Her niece is overstepping her boundaries. Niece is allowed her opinion but beyond stating that, she should accept the guest or bow out.
A person does not dictate who the guests are in another home.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
He could take a drive. Go for a walk. Go to a bar or a coffee shop. There are way more places open on Christmas than there used to be.
<snip>
No. This is a time for inclusion, not exclusion. Boyfriend is a guest same as the sister and niece no matter how long he has been known. When you have an unexpected guest at the holidays, people need to be gracious to them and not worried that they're imposing on a family event.
PhureeKeeper, you are perfectly right to include him. Realize you most likely won't influence your niece (in regards to comparing her boyfriend and yours) to change her attitude. Be ready with a firm response explaining your boyfriend is welcome.
Family drama can be tough! Let your niece do what she wishes.
Last edited by Wild Flower; 12-23-2019 at 08:46 PM..
He could take a drive. Go for a walk. Go to a bar or a coffee shop. There are way more places open on Christmas than there used to be.
Either way, this is a problem with your sister. You should talk to her on the phone about it, not on a group text that includes her entitled daughter.
No way, why should he leave. It’s Christmas people need to be inclusive. How hard is it to extend kindness to strangers. Sister and niece have all year to make personal family conversations
If he understood etiquette, he would realize that he is a newcomer in this scenario and HE would bow out gracefully, for a little while. He should at least offer. It's not as if he's your husband.
I don't know of any etiquette that claims guests need to bow out on Christmas day, or for any other event. The OP should be able to have any guest that she wants at her home. It doesn't matter if he hasn't met the rest of the family, he should be able to enjoy the day with everyone else. Before getting married, I could never imagine my husband going off to a bar or coffee shop on Christmas. Never once crossed my mind, and I couldn't imagine anyone else in my family thinking he should "gracefully bow out" of a family get together.
The niece is in the wrong here for claiming that the OP's viator is a stranger who shouldn't be around for Christmas.
Since when is it etiquette for a new potential boyfriend to not be allowed to come to Christmas holidays? In my family that was kind of a clue that the relationship was getting serious :-). Of course he should be there and the etiquette is that your family should be polite to him!
Thanks SundayDrive and Diana. I don't consider him a boyfriend as realistically he lives across country. He's been very kind to me during his visit and it would be nice to make plans down the road to travel together.
That being said, I don't want to stray too much from my own OP.
Even though she hasn't specifically stated her problem, I think the main gist of my Niece's angst is that she doesn't want to deal with opening gifts in front of a stranger. I'm thinking back to when I was just out of college and my parents graciously allowed my boyfriend at the time into their home. My niece wasn't even born yet, but my sister was there. Selective memory.
Since when is it etiquette for a new potential boyfriend to not be allowed to come to Christmas holidays? In my family that was kind of a clue that the relationship was getting serious :-). Of course he should be there and the etiquette is that your family should be polite to him!
They dated before, so he's not a stranger.
He KNOWS the OP has a small family.
He shows up a week before Christmas and stays for the holiday. Wouldn't he consider that she MIGHT have a conflict in including him??
He's the new person here, and the person for whom the least concessions should be made. They are not all "guests" on equal terms. Her sister is family, but the OP isn't saying much about her.
Yes, I've tried. It fell flat. She's beyond entitled.
She's recently said that if her mother doesn't continue to fund her college education that she's dropping out as she doesn't want to get a loan. (yet she went to Australia this year, Coachella, Costa Rica, and several other places).
My birthday falls within a week of Christmas. I have a very small family and not many friends so for the past 7 years since I've been divorced I've spent my birthday and usually Christmas eve alone.
Earlier this year I reconnected with a man that I hadn't seen in 4 years. We dated for a while but he moved. We stayed in touch through the years. He DROVE last week to come see me. It's been a wonderful visit. Enter into the picture my 21 year old niece and her mother (my sister). They don't want to come over to my house for Christmas day because my visitor will still be with me. They say Christmas is all about family and they're not comfortable with a stranger. I say he's a guest in my house and that I disagree, I think the holidays should be all about sharing and togetherness regardless of family. Besides, I can't tell my guest to leave.
I could really use my C-D family's input here. Am I the jerk?
Nope, your idea of Christmas is the real deal. Assuming you're Christian, ask them what Jesus would do? Kick out the guest?
Regardless, this is your house, your rules. Aren't boundaries fun?
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