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OP, I am so sorry your family is making you question your choice. It's your home and you can invite whomever you like. If your niece can handle Coachella, she can handle her aunt's friend at Christmas.
My stepkids sometimes brought home a friend or bf/gf, sometimes with their kids, at Xmas. I always made up a gift bag with some candy, socks and sometimes a gift card or scratch tickets so everyone had a little something to open. Christmas is not just for immediate family!
Your niece has a valid point. My mom has had boyfriends and remarried since I moved away from home at 18. I am very uncomfortable spending holidays with her. As it stands right now, I'm in my mid-30s and my mom got remarried in my 30s. It is my preference not to spend holidays with people who were not a part of my family during my 0-18 formative years. For a so-called family gathering, that is far too contrived since these people were not part of my life until after I turned 30, well into my adulthood.
So you expected your mom to never remarry? What a horrible way to treat your mom. Hopefully her husbands family is more welcoming so that she still has family to spend the holidays with.
Oh my gosh, you did? That's really nice. Everybody knows that at my house any vegetarians can eat the sides. I don't change menus.
I agree completely! I don’t understand people who will change their menu to suit someone’s food choices. I always make plenty of sides that a vegetarian or even a couple of sides that a vegan could eat. If they don’t want to look at the ham/turkey etc. that’s their problem. If someone wanted to bring a favorite vegetarian/vegan/gluten free etc. dish to share I would encourage it.
Your niece has a valid point. My mom has had boyfriends and remarried since I moved away from home at 18. I am very uncomfortable spending holidays with her. As it stands right now, I'm in my mid-30s and my mom got remarried in my 30s. It is my preference not to spend holidays with people who were not a part of my family during my 0-18 formative years. For a so-called family gathering, that is far too contrived since these people were not part of my life until after I turned 30, well into my adulthood.
Well, Merry Christmas to you.
Honestly you are very demanding. I think your desires in this matter are off base.
Thanks to everyone for your input. Tried to give reps to everyone.
I'm spending Christmas day with my friend and we'll go to church in the morning then I plan on cooking a nice meal. My sister and niece are coming over on Thursday and I'm picking up take-out for them. (or Uber Eats if it's raining!)
This sounds like an excellent solution! I hope you and your friend have a lovely Christmas Day.
Your niece should not have any control over your home or guests. Period. I think it is good that you have set a boundary here and doing what makes you happy. Hopefully she will mature in future years or she is looking at a tough road ahead. Merry Christmas!
I'm sorry if this has been brought up before but the OP absolutely needs to talk to her sister about her daughter's behavior here. If she brought her boyfriend to Thanksgiving well that destroys the argument that it's family only for holidays. She has no right to tell you who to invite to YOUR house and anyone who sides with her has their priorities out of wack.
I had a niece that was the same way. She didn't think anyone should be going to the grandparents house for holidays except family. One of the guests was an elderly widow who was a lifelong friend of my mother's, and the brat even got upset about that. She and her mother have personality disorders. There's nothing to do about people like this except set clear unmovable boundaries, there is no teaching them anything or changing their hearts.
I would tell the niece she is out of line, is not going to tell you who you can have in your own home, and that she can go elsewhere.
Unless you have a history of bringing home drunks and drug addicts your niece doesn't have a leg to stand on. And even then.....if it's your home it's your rules.
No, you are totally in the right. In my family when we have holiday gatherings, boyfriends, girlfriends are totally considered guests and we expect them to be at these gatherings. Your special friend sounds like a boyfriend now or at the very least a good friend. Your sister and niece should not be reacting that way, they are totally out of line. He is special to you and they should be happy for you and excited to meet him.
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