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My birthday falls within a week of Christmas. I have a very small family and not many friends so for the past 7 years since I've been divorced I've spent my birthday and usually Christmas eve alone.
Earlier this year I reconnected with a man that I hadn't seen in 4 years. We dated for a while but he moved. We stayed in touch through the years. He DROVE last week to come see me. It's been a wonderful visit. Enter into the picture my 21 year old niece and her mother (my sister). They don't want to come over to my house for Christmas day because my visitor will still be with me. They say Christmas is all about family and they're not comfortable with a stranger. I say he's a guest in my house and that I disagree, I think the holidays should be all about sharing and togetherness regardless of family. Besides, I can't tell my guest to leave.
I could really use my C-D family's input here. Am I the jerk?
My birthday falls within a week of Christmas. I have a very small family and not many friends so for the past 7 years since I've been divorced I've spent my birthday and usually Christmas eve alone.
Earlier this year I reconnected with a man that I hadn't seen in 4 years. We dated for a while but he moved. We stayed in touch through the years. He DROVE last week to come see me. It's been a wonderful visit. Enter into the picture my 21 year old niece and her mother (my sister). They don't want to come over to my house for Christmas day because my visitor will still be with me. They say Christmas is all about family and they're not comfortable with a stranger. I say he's a guest in my house and that I disagree, I think the holidays should be all about sharing and togetherness regardless of family. Besides, I can't tell my guest to leave.
I could really use my C-D family's input here. Am I the jerk?
Is your niece driving this protest??
It's interesting to me that you listed your niece first when describing this conflict instead of your own sister. We really need some context here. Is your sister known to be dramatic about things? Does she often draw hard lines like this?
I don't think you're being a jerk, per se, but if I were your boyfriend I would meet your relatives then excuse myself to another room to watch football or run errands or something for a while so you can celebrate as a family.
No you are not a jerk Christmas is about sharing and giving love. If sis can’t do that happily with the guest in your home, tell her to stay home.
Thanks, hothulamaui. What's funny is this is all coming from my 21 year old niece. My sister is in on the group text and she's staying mum on it. Hasn't said a peep. It would only be the 4 of us for dinner, that's what is so ridiculous.
They're putting you in a terrible position where they're expecting you to choose between him and them. Why are they doing this? There's no history between them, is there? Did you share information about him previously that may make it difficult to be with him?
Either there's more to the story or they're control freaks. And while I keep using the word 'they', your sister has no right to dictate who is in your home when they visit - but your niece is really out of line if she's part of this debate.
Thanks, hothulamaui. What's funny is this is all coming from my 21 year old niece. My sister is in on the group text and she's staying mum on it. Hasn't said a peep. It would only be the 4 of us for dinner, that's what is so ridiculous.
And you spend time alone during the holidays, do they work their schedule to accommodate you? No, so you can spend your time how you want. Niece might be jealous you have a new interest
It's interesting to me that you listed your niece first when describing this conflict instead of your own sister. We really need some context here. Is your sister known to be dramatic about things? Does she often draw hard lines like this?
I don't think you're being a jerk, per se, but if I were your boyfriend I would meet your relatives then excuse myself to another room to watch football or run errands or something for a while so you can celebrate as a family.
It's all my niece. Small house. I only have 1 TV and it's in the family room and he shouldn't be relegated to a bedroom like an animal that acts up.
Not sure where he could run errands to on Christmas day. Most things are closed here.
It's all my niece. Small house. I only have 1 TV and it's in the family room and he shouldn't be relegated to a bedroom like an animal that acts up.
Not sure where he could run errands to on Christmas day. Most things are closed here.
He wouldn't be "relegated."
If he understood etiquette, he would realize that he is a newcomer in this scenario and HE would bow out gracefully, for a little while. He should at least offer. It's not as if he's your husband.
But it looks like the choice has been made anyway.
I think you need to talk to your sister about her daughter dictating how the family operates.
They're putting you in a terrible position where they're expecting you to choose between him and them. Why are they doing this? There's no history between them, is there? Did you share information about him previously that may make it difficult to be with him?
Either there's more to the story or they're control freaks. And while I keep using the word 'they', your sister has no right to dictate who is in your home when they visit - but your niece is really out of line if she's part of this debate.
No idea why my niece is doing this. I hadn't shared anything about my friend other than I liked him and was sad when he moved. I keep shaking my head over this because my niece invited her boyfriend over for Thanksgiving and the day before tells me he's a vegetarian so I switched up the menu! It was the first time I had met her boyfriend. I tried to use this as a teaching moment that he was welcome into my house with no drama, but it fell flat.
If he understood etiquette, he would realize that he is a newcomer in this scenario and HE would bow out gracefully, for a little while. He should at least offer. It's not as if he's your husband.
But it looks like the choice has been made anyway.
I think you need to talk to your sister about her daughter dictating how the family operates.
I'm just trying to convey that there really isn't any place for him to "bow out" to.
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